You Never Stop Learning
by bflahavin
Summary: <html><head></head>Sequel to 'Private Tutoring'    Kirk is in his third and final year at the Academy and he has been happily bonded to Spock for over a year.    Their marriage is about to be put to the test.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the much demanded sequel to 'Private Tutoring'**

**NOTE: **This story follows the major events of the movie but I will be changing quite a few things to fit with the 'Private Tutoring' universe.**  
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**Thanks to CMM for being my Beta again. She helped make PT what it was and she is helping me make this even better.**

**I don't own Star Trek**

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Two years ago, if James T. Kirk had found himself in alone in a room, on a bed with an Orion girl in her undergarments, he would have been thanking whatever god decided he was worthy and get down to business.

Now, he just wants to get his work done so he can get home to his husband of over a year and sex him up a bit.

"Gaila, can you explain to me why we have to go over this coding with me fully clothed and you in a frilly bra and panties?"

The Orion looks up from the PADD she has been studying and stares at Kirk with an indulgent expression.

"Because I am sexually liberated, and you've become a total prude."

Kirk glares at her for what he feels is an insult. He isn't a prude; he just doesn't want anyone besides Spock seeing his goodies.

"Yeah, well there is a difference between liberated and a slu..."

A pillow hitting Jim in the face cuts him off. By the time he has removed it, Gaila has gone back to studying her PADD.

"Don't even say it Jimmy. I am just really comfortable in my skin and why can't I strip in the privacy of my own room?"

Kirk wants to explain to her that it isn't really private when other people are present but the Orion keeps talking.

"Now get back to work. We need to get this code ready so I can upload tomorrow, while you complete the test."

Kirk snatches the PADD from a pair of green hands and waits for Gaila's eyes to make contact with his. His face is all seriousness as he addresses his friend.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Gaila? We could get caught. It's not too late for you to pull out."

Gaila gets up to her knees and moves until she is right in front of Kirk, who is sitting crossed on the bed, surrounded by PADD's and loose paper. She envelops him in a bone crushing hug.

"Of course I'm sure. I love you."

Kirk pulls back from the embrace with a disturbed look on his face.

"That's weird."

The Orion punches him in the arm and moves back up the bed to sit in her original position. She glares at him in exasperation.

"Not like that! I know you belong to the growly Vulcan. No, I love you like a brother."

Kirk looks disgusted by what Gaila has said.

"But we HAVE had sex! How can you now see me as a brother?"

Gaila rolls her eyes.

"Fine, you can be like a second cousin then. You humans do it with your second cousins, don't you?"

Jim shakes his head and smiles at his green friend. The things that come out of her mouth are just so funny. Gaila just shrugs and gets back to work. Kirk follows suit.

Several minutes pass before either of them speaks again.

"So how have things been going lately with tall, dark, and repressed?"

Kirk smiles wistfully at Gaila as he thinks of Spock.

"It's been fantastic. We had our one-year anniversary a couple of months ago. We had... fun."

He winks at the Orion. Gaila face breaks out in a knowing smirk.

"I bet. What I wouldn't give for a blow-job by blow-job description, or better yet, a video. Do you have any idea how much money you could make for a video of you and Mr. So Hot He's Cool doing the deed?"

"Gaila!" Jim was caught between laughter and horror.

"Yeah, I know, boundaries, privacy, all that boring stuff." Gaila sighs. "Speaking of privacy, does he know what you are up to? You know, with the mind link you two have."

Jim shakes his head slowly.

"No we are both able to block certain things from each other if we need to. If he knew, he would try to talk me out of it and I would probably listen. I can't say no to him (_no matter what he asks,_ Jim thinks, blushing slightly as he remembers the previous evening. Jim had no idea just how much fun a vibrator could be until Spock introduced him to his). Also, if we get caught, he will have plausible deniability."

Gaila nods in understanding. It is obvious to her that Kirk doesn't like keeping secrets from his bond mate, but it is also clear that he feels that he needs to do this.

"Does he know you're here now? Will I have to deal with a pissed off Vulcan breaking down my door any second now? You do know he already hates me, don't you?"

Kirk uncrosses his legs, lies down and places his hands behind his head, while he chuckles. He stares up at the ceiling as his laughter slowly subsides.

"I have blocked the details of what we are studying, not the act of studying itself. He knows that we aren't messing around. Now, he would like you more if you actually took your pheromone suppressants. The primitive part of Spock sees you as threat, even though logically he knows that you are not. Just get rid to the threat."

The air suddenly rushes out of his lungs as Gaila lands on him and stretches herself out on top of him.

_'Shit! I am going to stink of her now. Spock is not going to be happy with me when I get home. Thank God for the bond being able to prove my innocence.'_

"That's not going to happen. I am not going to change who I am for anyone. I also have it on good authority that a certain doctor we both know loves the way I smell."

Jim gently nudges Gaila off him, so that she is lying beside him and not on top.

"I still can't believe you have been in a monogamous relationship for nearly a year... with Bones!"

Gaila turns onto her side, propping her head up and looks down at Kirk with a beaming smile on her red lips.

"I know, but what can I say, I love that grumpy man... He is also great in the sack."

Kirk stares at his friend, whose eyes light up whenever she speaks of Leonard McCoy. He is so happy that two of his closest friends have managed to find each other. He, of course, takes all the credit for bringing them together.

Kirk and Gaila both jump when they hear someone punching in the unlock code for the door.

"It's Uhura! She's back early. You need to hide because if she finds you hear she will kill you and then me. She still really hates you for nabbing the Vulcan hottie."

Kirk says nothing as he leaps off the mattress, flattens himself to the floor and rolls himself under the bed just as the door to the room open.

"Hey Gaila. Wow, it feels so good to be home. Now I can get out of this stupid uniform."

As Uhura strips, Kirk wonders idly at the fact that he has absolutely no interest in looking.

_'Bones is right! I am totally whipped. I would be horrified by this, but being with Spock is worth it._'

Kirk is drawn from his thoughts of his love for Spock by what Uhura is telling her room mate.

"...and so apparently a whole Klingon armada was destroyed by a single Romulan ship. I personally think it is a hoax, but I did get to practice my Klingon, so it wasn't a total loss."

Kirk can hear the bed springs squeak as Gaila shifts her weight above him.

"Sounds like fun, but I thought you would be spending the whole night in the long-range sensor lab. Are you going back out?"

Kirk shifts uncomfortably in the silence that follows.

_'Great job at not being obvious, Gaila. But I guess Orions have never been known for their subtly.'_

"Who is he, Gaila?"

Kirk can just picture the over-exaggerated look of innocence on his friend's face at this moment.

"Who's who?"

Uhura rolls her eyes and points to the darkness under her roommate's bed.

"The mouth-breather hiding under your bed."

Knowing the jig is up, Kirk rolls out from under the bed and stands in front of Uhura. He places his hands on his hips as he faces off with the brunette cadet as if he has every right to be there.

"That was impressive Uhura. Nothing must get past you."

Nyota's eyes widen in what seems to be equal amounts surprise and horror.

"You!"

Kirk holds his hands over his heart and tries to look hurt, but is pretty sure it just comes off as mocking.

"You wound me deeply. I would thing that after all we have been through you would use my name when addressing me."

Uhura ignores him as she glances from his form to over where Gaila is laying provocatively (which seems to be her default setting) on her bed and then back to the male cadet. Her shock bleeds away and a cocky grin takes its place. Kirk thinks about how it makes her instantly less attractive.

"I wonder what your bond mate would say if he knew you were fooling around behind his back."

Kirk eyes narrow at her.

_'Definitely a lot less attractive when she is acting like a bitch.'_

He pushes past Uhura and heads for the door. Once he reaches the exit he turns around to find the annoying woman followed him, with that self-righteous smirk still in place. Kirk decides it's time to knock her down a few pegs.

"I love how you jump to the conclusion that I am cheating when I am still fully dressed and the bed is made and covered in study materials. Very logical."

Uhura's smile falters.

_'Time to go in for the kill.'_

"Also, are you forgetting that with our bond, Spock would know the moment I'm unfaithful. And even a dumb farm boy like me knows better than to piss off the Vulcan I belong to."

Uhura straightens her back, showing that she isn't quite ready to give up yet. She is more stubborn then Kirk thought.

"I know that a bond can be blocked. Obviously that is what you are doing."

Kirk now has his own smirk plastered on his face and gives her a condescending pat on the shoulder, as he opens the door.

"You don't know as much as you think you do, Miss Uhura. Even while shielding completely, the bond can still sense any actions that threatens its existence. This is the reason you never hear about Vulcan having affairs. It's physically impossible. Furthermore, Spock trusts me, which he's right to do. I'd cut off a certain portion of my anatomy before I'd cheat on him." His mocking smile grows wider. "So if you were hoping to make up for a lost opportunity, Nyota, I'm sorry; you're a year too late. I'm off the market—for good."

Jim looks past a fuming Uhura to smile brightly at Gaila.

"See you tomorrow. Don't forget, babe."

The Orion nods enthusiastically and waves at him.

The blond cadet steps back and out of the door, gazing thoughtfully at Uhura.

"You know I find the fact that you picked up a Klingon transmission to be... what is the word? Oh yes... fascinating."

Uhura angrily slams her hand on the button and the door slides shut between them.

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Twenty minutes later, Jim steps into the apartment he shares with Spock and is suddenly pressed hard against the now locked door.

Spock is holding him in place by pushing into Kirk with his body. The Vulcan's nose is at Jim's neck and sniffing him frantically.

A growl echoes through the whole apartment. Kirk shivers as the hold Spock has on his arms tightens.

"You stink of that Orion girl."

Spock's voice is low and harsh. If Jim wasn't so turned on right now, he would be scared shitless.

Kirk shakes his head to clear his mind enough to speak. Spock can't get away with speaking of his friends like that.

"That Orion girl has a name and you know it. I never thought Vulcans were capable of being rude until I met you."

Spock bites Kirk's neck and sucks on the skin. Jim knows that he will have one hell of a hickey by the time the Vulcan is finished.

"She will soon not need a name if she does not keep her hands off what is MINE!"

The last word is snarled into Kirk's ear.

_'Spock is pissed. It seems like I am definitely in for some rough sex tonight.'_

Spock demonstrates his confirmation to his bond mate's prediction by grinding his erection against Kirk's thigh, while using his teeth to pull at the blonde's earlobe.

Kirk is now panting and trying desperately to rut against the leg pressed between both of his. He is finding it difficult to focus on anything besides the heated body almost smothering him, but he knows he needs to ensure that Spock understands that there is nothing between him and Gaila before this goes any further. He knows that the bond they share informs Spock of his faithfulness, but Spock is half human and humans sometimes need verbal reassurances.

"I would never cheat on you with anyone. There is no reason for me to stray when I have the perfect mate. I love you, t'hy'la, and I always will. No Orion friend will change that; nothing will change that."

Spock's grasp eases up and he lifts his head from Kirk's neck so that they are looking into each others eyes for the first time since Jim entered the apartment.

"I do know that, T'hy'la, but when I smell her scent on your skin, all I can think about is reclaiming what belongs to me."

Kirk's lips form a soft smile, and he shakes his head lovingly at his Vulcan.

"You don't need to reclaim anything. I am yours. I will always be yours, just as you are mine."

After that admission, Spock lets loose one last growl before capturing his husband's lips in a brutal kiss. Kirk feels as if he is being devoured and he loves it. He bucks against Spock's body trying to get closer to the burning heat. Jim doesn't think he can ever get close enough. The more he's with Spock, the more he craves him, and he can tell his mate feels the same way.

Spock pulls back just enough so that he is able to tear away Kirk's red uniform.

_'Looks like another uniform bites the dust. That is five now.'_

A hard pinch of his nipple has Jim realising that Spock heard him through their link.

_'I will buy you another uniform, just as I have every other time, Ashayam.'_

"But first I must cover the Orion's scent with my own. Now stay still."

Kirk is about to mention that he doesn't respond well to orders, but instead his eyes roll back into his head as Spock's tongue licks a trail from his belly-button up to his jaw.

_'Maybe I can follow orders, just this once.'_

He wraps his arms around his mate's neck, letting Spock support his weight, which Jim knows he can do without using more than a couple of those amazing Vulcan muscles.

"Come here," Jim whispers into a pointed ear. "Get your Vulcan scent all over me. Mark me, make me yours again." He cries out as one hot hand cups him, squeezing gently and rhythmically as Spock continues to cover his neck and jaw with kisses. He thrusts into that loving grip, as wild as if they hadn't just made love 12 hours before.

With a growl, Spock tumbles them both to the carpet and sets about eradicating Gaila's scent—very thoroughly. By the time an hour has passed, Jim is exhausted, rug-burned, and definitely smelling like a Vulcan. But since Spock is exhausted, covered in love bites, and smelling like a human, Jim figures they're even.

/

**I am typing up the second chapter now and will be sending it off to be Beta'd soon. **

**Sit tight.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the second chapter. THe dialog during the Kobayashi Maru test is nearly identical to the movie. I used the script.**

**This will probably be the only time such a huge chunk of the story matches the movie.**

**Thank you CMM for being my beta.**

**I don't own Star Trek.**

/

The bedside alarm wakes Kirk in the morning and he finds himself alone in the bed. As he climbs out of the bed and goes to the closet to get a towel, he hears Spock moving around the kitchen.

_'Probably fixing breakfast. Just please don't let it be plomeek soup.'_

Jim walks into their bathroom trying to wipe the memory of him vomiting bright orange for 24 hours straight.

Once showered and dressed in his cadet uniform (the last one he owns that is still fully intact; _thank you, my bond mate, for almost making me go to class naked_), Kirk finds himself in the dining nook, in front of the table where Spock has just finished laying out the food. Jim has to a double-take just to make sure that what he is seeing is not an illusion. He looks up at Spock with disbelief and hope in his eyes.

"You cooked bacon. You, my 'I shall never allow the cooking of meat products on these premises' husband, cooked freaking bacon!"

Spock's eyebrow goes up at his human bond mate's obvious surprise and gestures for Kirk to sit. Jim does so in a dazed state, still not quite believing what he is seeing.

"You will be sitting the Kobayashi Maru exam for the third time today and I wished to show my support by making your favourite breakfast." Spock pauses, what is almost a twinkle showing in his eyes. "There are eggs as well. But as your race says 'do not expect it to become a regular thing'."

Jim throws himself into Spock's arms for an enthusiastic hug.

"Thank you, t'hy'la," he says gently. "I don't know what I'd do without your love and support."

Kirk sits down and stuffs a couple of pieces of bacon into his mouth with his fingers and then uses a piece of toast to sop up the delicious runny egg yolks. Spock's mouth tightens minutely, which Kirk translates into meaning 'I am completely disgusted with you right now.' Normally Kirk would become self-conscious when Spock graces him with that look, but this is bacon. Bacon trumps all feelings of self-consciousness.

"I still do not understand why you feel the need to take the test for the third time. T'hy'la, you are aware that I created the simulation so that all participants who take it, will fail?"

Kirk swallows the last of his food and glances across the table to where Spock is sitting.

"Nothing is unbeatable, Ashayam. This test is no different to any other test. There is a correct answer and I am going to find it."

Spock sighs.

"I have created this test, and I assure you, t'hy'la, there is no solution. However, I know I cannot squash your human optimism."

Jim stands up, places his palms on the surface of the table and leans towards Spock to try and distract the Vulcan from the current conversation with a kiss. It works but not in the way Kirk had hoped. Spock's pulls a face that has the blond cadet stopping short before he reaches his destination.

"If you wish to kiss me Ashayam, you will need to first brush your teeth and wash your hands."

Kirk is tempted to wipe his hands, fragrant with bacon grease, on the Vulcan's face just to see what would happen, but talks himself out of it because the almost inevitable negative reaction might have him sleeping on the sofa for the foreseeable future. Furthermore, Jim knows that depending on how this day goes, he may be sleeping on that couch anyway. No need to add fuel to the fire that is about to break out.

He sends Spock his mental agreement to the terms and spends the next 15 minutes ridding himself of any trace of meat that he had thoroughly enjoyed moments before.

Jim stops off in his room to pick up his bag and PADD (which he seems to misplace less since he started living with Spock, thus proving that it was McCoy's bad influence that caused him to be so absent-minded), before stepping into the main living area again. Spock is standing patiently in front of the sofa with his own messenger bag on his shoulder.

Jim closes the distance between them until they are sharing the same air.

"Can I kiss you now?"

Spock answers by moving his head forward and pressing his lips against Kirk's lips hungrily. Jim grabs at Spock's upper arms to keep his balance and opens his mouth so that the kiss can deepen. Spock slips his arms around his mate and holds him close, almost seeming to drink in the very essence of Jim's body.

Kirk tries to push Spock closer to the sofa in the hopes of turning this kissing session in to something more, but the Vulcan won't budge.

Kirk, getting the hint, pulls away and smiles sheepishly at the man dressed in black.

"Okay, I get it. No hanky-panky. It's a shame though."

_'Especially since you probably won't be in the mood tonight'_

He thinks this in privacy mode. For a second, Jim hesitates, almost ready to throw the whole plan in the nearest dumpster, grab Spock by his pointy ears, and make his mate use one of his sick days. But then he gets himself back together.

Spock steps out of Kirk's grasp but holds out two extended fingers to his bond-mate in consolation. Kirk shoots his own hand out quickly and greedily kisses Spock in the Vulcan way.

"T'hy'la, you know that I do not enjoy halting our sexual encounters, but if I do not in this instance, then you will be late for the Kobayashi Maru exam."

Kirk stops peppering Spock's fingers with kisses and instead manipulates both their hands until they are sufficiently entwined. They allow their link to open completely.

_'Good point, love.'_

Jim pulls Spock by the hand as he makes his way to the exit of their apartment. As they passes the bowl of fruit on the dining table, Kirk snatches up an apple and shoves it in his bag.

Kirk can feel amusement travel through their bond and swirl around his mind as they make their out into the hallway and towards the lift.

_'Do you predict yourself suffering from hunger during the exam, Ashayam?'_

Kirk laughs out loud at this question and feels the Vulcan tighten his grip on his hand, a clear sign that Spock enjoys the sound.

_'Always be prepared, my love. You know that's my motto.'_

They enter the elevator and Spock presses the button and stares at Kirk in confusion.

"I thought you told Cadet McCoy that your motto was 'bros over hos?"

Jim rolls his eyes good-naturedly at his adorably naïve bond mate.

"It's bros _before_ hos, love, and people are allowed to have more than one motto, you know?"

Spock nods his head in understanding, but it is clear through what Jim is picking up through their link that Spock is even more bewildered.

Kirk just laughs again and Spock's eyes light up as he gazes over at his glowing bond mate.

_I love you, ashaya,_ Spock says through their link.

_And I love you, t'hy'la,_Jim replies.

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As Kirk and Spock walk to the entrance of the exam, Jim feels Spock stiffen and hears a barely audible snarl leave the Vulcan's lips. Kirk is seriously worried for a moment until he finally spots the reason for Spock's fury. Gaila is lounging against the door frame that leads to the simulation room and waving at the both of them without a care in the world.

_'This is kinda getting old Spock. You need to get used to the idea that Gaila is one of my friends. If push comes to shove_ you know _I will choose you, but I'll resent you for making it a choice.'_

Spock's anger disappears and is replaced with shame. Kirk squeezes Spock's hand in a comforting manner. It wasn't his intention to upset his husband. He was just venting his frustrations.

_'I am sorry Ashayam for making you uncomfortable with my jealousy. Please rest assured that I would never give you an ultimatum. I simply must learn to control my baser instincts.'_

Spock pulls Kirk to a stop 15 feet away from where Gaila is waiting. Kirk turns his questioning gaze to the Vulcan professor who was looking relatively embarrassed (for a Vulcan anyway).

"I would deem it best if we part ways here and you continue on to converse with Cadet Vro alone. I must admit that I am presently compromised and I fear that I will not be able to control my actions."

Kirk releases Spock's hand and lifts his own to place a Vulcan kiss on the green tinged cheek of his bond mate, trying to send his understanding through their link. Spock's eyelids flutter close at the contact.

"In the human tradition, I wish you luck, T'hy'la, even though I believe you are embarking on a fruitless endeavour."

Kirk angles his chin up to press a peck to the corner of Spock's mouth and then steps back with an amused grin on his lips.

"You really need to work on your pep talks, babe. That was awful."

Spock bows in acceptance of Jim's criticism and walks off down the hall towards the observation room's entrance.

Jim twists around to face Gaila who is making kissy faces at his. He flips her the bird as he makes his way over to her.

"You ready to do this, Gaila?"

She nods and and smiles brightly at him.

"Yep. When do you want me to do it?"

Kirk thinks for a moment trying to decide when it would be best to upload the sub-routine. Too early, they might get found out before he can benefit from it. Too late and it might not be there in time to be useful. He glances at his watch and then back at Gaila.

"Wait 20 minutes after I go in and then do it. Leave the lab the moment after you do it. I don't think they have any tracking software, but I don't want you anywhere near the entry point just in case."

The Orion places a hand on Jim's shoulder and squeezes. She straightens up and skips off down the hall and out of sight.

Once Kirk watches her leave, he turns around and walks into the room where many cadets are waiting for him to take the captain's seat.

He fails to notice that Uhura follows him in moments later with a slightly perplexed expression on her face.

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15 minutes later, Uhura turns to Kirk, who his sitting in the command chair rolling an apple in his hands, with a look of complete annoyance on her face. It is very clear to Jim that she doesn't want to be there. She also seems to be preoccupied with something.

"We are receiving a distress signal from the U.S.S Kobayashi Maru. The ship has lost power and is stranded. Starfleet has ordered us to rescue them."

Kirk leans lazily on the arm of his chair and swings around with a mock serious look on his face.

"Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them... _Captain._"

Uhura huffs in irritation and returns to studying her station's monitor. Kirk laughs inwardly at how easy it is to piss her off.

McCoy's voice has Jim turning in his chair to face the main view screen once more.

"Klingon vessels have entered the Neutral Zone and they are firing at us."

Kirk slumps back in to his chair, passing the apple between his hands and shrugs.

"That's okay."

McCoy's head snaps around to stare in disbelief at his best friend.

"It's okay?"

Kirk nods as if McCoy has just asked him if he wants the last piece of pizza.

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

Cadet Ewan, who is currently manning the weapons station, addresses Kirk in a slightly panicked voice.

"They're firing, Captain."

Kirk ignores the cadet (even though he is pleased at least one person here knows how to show respect) and instead focuses on Uhura, who is glaring at him.

"Alert medical bay to prepare to receive all crew members from the damaged ship."

Uhura doesn't make a move; she just looks at him as if he has just lost his mind. Kirk can't believe she is actually going to question him here of all places.

"How do you expect to rescue them when we are surrounded by Klingons?"

Kirk's eyes narrow at her know-it-all tone and aims the hand holding the apple at her, with one finger pointing at her face.

"Alert medical."

Jim's voice is harsh and by the widening of Uhura's eyes, she was able to pick up the anger behind his words. She does as asked without any further arguments.

"Our ship is hit. Shields at 60 percent."

Kirk relaxes as he looks to Bones who seems to be torn between scanning the readouts and glaring at his 'captain.'

"I understand."

Something snaps in McCoy and he swivels around until he is facing Kirk. Jim can see the doctor is desperately trying to walk up to him and slap him on the back of the head and swear a blue streak. Kirk is almost proud at his friend's self-restraint.

"Should we al least, I dunno, fire back?"

"Mmm..."

Kirk finally takes a bite of the apple in his hand before continuing.

"...no."

McCoy rolls his eyes at his friend's careless attitude and returns to scanning the screen in front of him.

"Of course not."

Kirk ignores his best friend's muttering and grins when the lights and computer screens flicker and then come back to life.

_'Right on time, Gaila. I am so buying that girl a new dildo for her troubles. __Maybe I can even find her one that's as—impressive as Spock is.'_

"Arm photons. Prepare to fire on the Klingon warbirds."

Kirk sits up straighter in his chair as he makes this order. Now he can be a real captain without any pre-set rules.

"Jim, their shields are still up."

Bones voice is filled with exasperation. Jim has heard that voice many times. He smiles at this, knowing that his friend will never change.

"Are they?"

Kirk takes another bite of his apple after he addresses McCoy.

McCoy's eyes go wide as he scans his screen and his voice his now filled with surprise.

"No... no, they aren't."

Kirk gives McCoy a smirk before turning towards Cadet Ewan.

"Fire on all enemy ships. One photon each should do. Let's not waste ammunition."

Ewan grins at his monitor as he voices his affirmation and follows Kirk's orders. Everyone stares at the view screen as all the Klingon vessels explode.

Kirk stands from the captain's chair and glances around at his 'crew' in triumph. He looks to Uhura, who seems to be scowling.

"Begin rescue of the stranded crew."

She nods reluctantly at him and begins retrieval procedures.

"So... we've eliminated all enemy ships, no one on board was injured and the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru is under way."

Jim looks up at the examiner's window with a cocky grin and takes a huge bite of his apple. He nearly chokes though, when he spots Spock staring down at him with a completely closed-off expression. Jim has never seen that look directed at him since they have been married. He opens his side of the link and reaches for the Vulcan's mind. Kirk's knees almost buckle from the flood of hurt mixed with rage aimed at him.

_'Shit! Obviously I have some explaining to do Ashaya. Look, I know you're upset, but…'_

Spock's clipped voice enters his head. The tone makes Kirk wince.

_'Indeed. You have much to explain. Meet me in my office in 10 minutes.'_

Spock disappears from view and Kirk can feel the Vulcan slam shut his shields, leaving the blond feeling cold at the loss.

A hand slaps Kirk on the back and he is startled from his thoughts. He turns his head to find Bones standing beside him.

"Your hobgoblin looks pissed. Glad I won't have to be there when he rips you a new one."

Even though he is full of nerves thinking about his upcoming confrontation with Spock, Jim can't help rolling his eyes and smiling at his best friend's total lack of sympathy.

"Thanks for the comfort, Bones. You're a real doll, you know that?"

McCoy shakes his head and wraps an arm around Kirk's neck, leading him out of the exam room.

"Jimmy boy, it's not my job to be comforting before you go walking into the lion's den. It's my job to stitch you up, mentally and physically, once the damage has been done."

Kirk rest his head on his McCoy's solid shoulder for a moment, just basking in the support his friend probably doesn't even realise he is giving.

"Thanks, Bones. I may need to hold you to that because I have a feeling that this fight is going to be a big one."

McCoy chuckles knowingly.

"Welcome to married life, boy."

Jim swallows nervously.

"Yeah."

He straightens his tunic, and heads to Spock's office, hoping that his exile to the couch is only for a night or two.

/

**Next chapter will probably be up on Sunday... maybe.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is the confrontation with Spock and the hearing. There will be a little twist.**

**Thank you CMM for being my Beta and supporting me.**

**Star Trek doesn't belong to me.**

/

/

Kirk steps into Spock's office and the moment he does, he knows that his Vulcan husband is absolutely furious with him. Even with the blocked bond, Jim is still able to feel the waves of anger and hurt pouring off Spock and threatening to suffocate him. His own throat closes; he never wanted to hurt Spock so deeply, and frankly, Jim hadn't expected this level of pain. For just an instant, Jim wonders if it was worth it. Then his determination returns. Yes, it needed to be done.

The closed-off expression on the Vulcan's face doesn't fool Jim for a second. He has wounded his bond mate deeply with his deception. Kirk can only hope that once he explains his reasoning that Spock will forgive him.

"Ashaya, let me explain…"

"Take a seat, Cadet Kirk."

Kirk visibly flinches at Spock's use of his official title.

_'Ouch! He hasn't called me that in private since we made our bonding official."_

Kirk does what he is asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the Vulcan across from him, waiting for Spock to take the lead. It's the least he can do.

"Why?"

Jim winces at the betrayal that he can hear in that one almost whispered word.

"Why did I do it or why didn't I tell you that I was going to do it?"

Spock drops his hands from his desk and lets them fall to his lap, while lifting his chin slightly. Kirk can tell that Spock is trying to stay professional during this discussion. The twitching of his jaw shows Kirk that the Vulcan is struggling.

Jim tries to travel through their bond to caress Spock's mind with his own, knowing that it comforts his bond mate, but he just keeps bouncing of Spock's shields.

"I would prefer an answer to both but of the two questions the first is of the greatest importance."

Kirk leans forward until his elbows are resting on the desk and stares imploringly at his lover.

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios. If I couldn't beat the test within the parameters created, then the next logical step was to change the parameters."

Spock's frigid exterior seems to thaw a little at this, but Kirk can see that the Vulcan is still not completely convinced. Kirk continues on, believing that he is capable of winning over Spock to his way of thinking.

"Isn't the Academy trying to get us to think outside the box? From what I have gathered during my time on the Command track, it appears that captains are expected to do everything in their power to get the job done."

Spock mouth thins; he's plainly not convinced by this argument. Frowning, he shakes his head.

"Not if it means violating regulations. Your actions were not just immoral, but they also violated..."

Kirk speaks up before Spock can finish that statement.

"Wait one minute before you start accusing me of rule-breaking. I didn't break any regulations. The code I installed only gives the participant a fighting chance by dropping the Klingon shields, which could happen. It doesn't stop the enemy fighting back or destroying the Kobayashi Maru. Success is still entirely dependant on the cadet's actions. It would only violate Starfleet regulations if winning is guaranteed. I _didn't_ guarantee a win; I just gave myself a fighting chance, the same chance I'd be expected to give my ship and crew in a real emergency, the same fighting chance I'm asking you to give me now, love. Don't just drop a sweeping condemnation on my head. Use that big sexy brain of yours to really think through what I've done."

Spock inclines his head in a way that tells Kirk that his explanation seems to fit within the boundaries of what the Vulcan deems logical.

Hope begins to build within Kirk, but the tension still visible in Vulcan's frame ensures that the feeling doesn't get out of control.

"Once we explain you reasoning and I suggest that the Academy make your sub-routine a permanent element of the exam, I am confident that the Admiralty will not see any reason to punish you."

Kirk can feel a 'but' coming, but Spock seems to be unsure. Jim wants Spock to express what he needs to and so prompts him to continue.

"But?"

Spock's eyes reveal the hurt that he had managed to keep under reasonable control until now.

"But... I do not understand why you chose not to confide in me about your plans. I could have helped you implement them in a more efficient manner, and perhaps I might have even been able to get your solution officially incorporated into the scenario."

Kirk stands and walks around the desk until he is standing directly in front of Spock. He leans back, perching on the edge of the wooden surface of the desk, placing his legs on either side of Spock's feet.

Jim gently cups Spock's face in his hands, stroking those high, gorgeous cheekbones gently with the edge of his thumbs, staring into those beloved eyes, willing Spock to feel the truth in Jim's statement.

"I mistakenly thought you would try to stop me and if you had, I probably would have let you. I was worried that if this happened then a small part of me would resent you for it. I didn't want this to come between us, ashaya; please believe that. The very thought of me feeling resentment towards you makes me ill. I never want to hurt you; I never want to disappoint you. But I also don't want to become your little puppet, unable to make any decision on my own, always afraid of stepping out of line and no longer being the perfect bond mate."

Spock goes to speak, but Kirk doesn't allow him.

"I also thought that I was protecting you because Vulcan's can't lie, and if we got caught you would destroy your career. I never want that to happen, not because of something I do."

Spock gently frees himself from Jim's grip and moves forward until they are almost touching, his breath warm on Jim's face.

"You were not willing to risk my career, but you were willing to endanger your own future so that you could prove that you could pass a test, a test that you were not required to pass in order to successfully graduate. Forgive me, t'hy'la, but I cannot understand the logic of such a course of action."

Kirk relaxes slightly as he hears Spock call him t'hy'la. He takes both of Spock's hands in his and massages them gently, as much for his own comfort as for Spock's. What he is about to admit to his bond mate will show Spock his greatest fear and leave him completely at the Vulcan's mercy. As much as Jim loves Spock, as much as he trusts him, this is till hard to say; it strips away all of Jim's bravado and lays bare his very soul.

"I didn't do it to prove I could beat the test. I did it to prove that I'm not my father... that I'm better than him."

Kirk takes a shuddering breath and continues.

"I wanted to prove that his solution was not the only one available. I refuse to do what he did until I am absolutely sure that every other possible option has been exhausted. I won't leave my loved ones behind if there is another way."

He blinks back sudden tears, feeling the stress of the day's event catching up to him.

"I won't leave you to mourn or let you wither and die because I gave up and let something kill me. I will always fight, t'hy'la, fight until I can't fight anymore—for your sake."

Spock moves in and kisses Kirk. It is gentle. Jim can feel Spock's unconditional love and what seems like wonder stream into him from where their skin is in contact.

The Vulcan's mouth leaves Kirk's pink lips, but he rests their foreheads together. He raises his shields so that the link is now fully open. Jim feels Spock's love, as well as his gratitude and his understanding of just what Jim is trying to say. Jim sends all that back to his bond mate, almost limp with relief now that he knows Spock understands and that Spock will stand by him. They just stand there basking in the feeling of being completely connected again.

Spock is the first to break the silence, his breath caressing Kirk's lips.

"We will go to meet with the Admiralty tomorrow and explain your actions to them. I believe we will need this evening to get our thoughts and emotions in order."

Kirk gives a watery chuckle at Spock's suggestion.

"Yeah, I don't think either of us are up for a Q and A session with the big shots."

Spock nods and steps back, still holding onto Kirk's hands.

"I will inform the faculty administration officer that I will be leaving my office early today and then we may go back to our apartment."

"Will I have to sleep on the sofa?"

Spock's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"You are my bond mate. No matter what happens, your place is in our bed with me."

Spock finally drops the human's hands and goes to activate the comm. Unit on his desk, but Kirk next question has him freezing in his tracks.

"Can we have congratulatory sex since I DID pass the exam?"

Spock gives Kirk the Vulcan equivalent of an eye roll.

"Technically you did, so I see no reason to deny your request."

Minutes later, Spock is calmly speaking to the admin officer, while Kirk dances around the office, fist pumping the air and mentally singing about getting 'special sexy time'.

The laughter Kirk hears within his mind makes has him forget everything but the man who is the source of the amusement.

'_However,'_ Spock adds through their link, '_I believe it is only fair that some punishment be administered.'_

'_Oh, goody.'_ Jim dances across the room and into his bond mate's arms. _'We're doing sexy professor and naughty student, my favourite. Please don't spank me too hard, professor. I won't do it again.'_

Spock has to fight the impulse to 'punish' Jim right then and there.

'_I am glad you will not have to take the Kobayashi Maru again, t'hy'la. I am not certain my heart could stand the strain.'_

'_Oh, I promise you, love; I intend to wear you out.'_

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

Kirk yawns as he takes a seat next to McCoy in the cadet section of the Academy Council's Chambers. He had spent most of the night letting Spock have his wicked way with him (not that he is complaining). He also got woken up early by his husband so that could meet with the Admiralty and discuss yesterday's exam, but they both received a message that called all teaching staff and cadets to the chambers for a disciplinary hearing.

Kirk and Spock had to go their separate ways once they arrived because the seating for cadets and professors were segregated.

_'This hearing is convenient because all the admirals are in one place and Spock and I can talk to them after this is over.'_

Next to him, Kirk can hear McCoy and Gaila whispering to each other. Jim finds it adorable that they are holding hands. He never thought Bones would be one for public displays of affection. Apparently he was wrong.

"So what are you two whispering about? A new position you want to try? I would have thought you'd done it all by now. My advice is to stretch well before trying anything too vigorous."

McCoy looks to Kirk with narrowed eyes, while Gaila mouths 'I wish' behind the doctor's back.

"If you must know, you goddamn gossip, we were trying to figure out what someone could have possible done to warrant this shit storm raining down upon them."

Kirk glances around the room as the last of the cadets trickle in and then turns back to his best friends.

"I don't know, but I'm glad it's not me."

Three rings from a bell, which signals the start of the hearing, has everyone falling silent.

"Cadet James T. Kirk, step forward."

The voice of Admiral Kormack echoes through the hall. Kirk stands, ignoring the puzzled expression of McCoy and the fear tainting every feature of Gaila's beautiful face. As he makes his way to one of the two podiums, he takes a quick glance over in Spock's direction.

The Vulcan's eyes are wide (for his race) with shock and he looks like he is seconds away from joining him. Kirk sends him a mental message telling him to stay where he is.

_'Let's just find out what's going on before we double team them. I might be able to talk my way out of it without getting you involved.'_

As he reaches the more central of the two podiums, he hears Spock's tense voice in his head.

_'I will stay where I am for now, but I will come to your aid if they do not adequately listen to your explanation.'_

Their internal conversation ends when Jim is addressed by Admiral Kormack, who is in the centre of the panel of admirals.

"An incident occurred yesterday that concerns the whole student body. Academic dishonesty by one is an assault on us all."

Kirk stiffens at this jab and hear hears Spock's snarl vibrate through his mind.

"Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council suggesting you violated ethical code of conduct pursuant to regulation 17.43 of Starfleet code. In summary, you are accused of cheating. Is there anything you care to say before we begin?"

Kirk keeps his gaze fixed on the Admiral, not willing to let the man see his nervousness.

"Yes sir. I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly."

Kirk expects the admiral to acknowledge someone in the staff section, so he is completely stunned when the man nods in the direction of the cadets. Jim turns to find none other then Uhura standing and straightening her uniform, before making her way to the empty podium.

_'Okay, she has officially placed herself at the top of my bitch list. What the hell is she up to now?'_

The snarling in Jim's mind only seems to be increasing. He really wishes Spock would get himself under control. Kirk wonders when he became the rational one in their relationship.

"This is Cadet Uhura, one of our most distinguished communications cadets. She will be graduating with honours at the end of this year."

Kirk scoffs at that introduction and scowls at the admiral. He doesn't bother acknowledging Uhura's presence.

"We've met previously, sir. We have a history."

Kormack's eyes widen and the other admirals murmur amongst themselves. A female admiral who Kirk doesn't know looks to Uhura with a quizzical stare.

"Is that true, Cadet Uhura? Have you had previous dealings with Cadet Kirk?"

Uhura hesitates for a moment but then nods, knowing she would be a fool to lie. The admiral's scribbles thing down in their notebooks, while Kirk silently fumes. He is furious that they didn't ask how they knew each other and he can't say anything unless they ask.

"Cadet Kirk, evidence has been brought forward by Cadet Uhura, which indicates that you created and activated a sub-routine into the programming code of the Kobayashi Maru exams, with the intent of changing the conditions of the test."

Kirk can hear a gasp in the crowd. At the corner of his eye, he sees Gaila glaring down at Uhura with tear-filled eyes.

_'So, Uhura went through Gaila's PADD to get this evidence. If I don't get a chance to hit her, Gaila will do it for the both of us.'_

This thought cheers Jim up minutely.

"Cadet Uhura has also accused you of using your relationship with the creator of the test to get access to the programming."

Kirk's vision goes red for a moment. A rage that is not his own fills his whole body. He spins around to discover Spock has risen from his seat and is now making his way down to where Kirk is standing. The Vulcan glides past Uhura without even glancing at the woman. She seems to flinch at his obvious snubbing.

Spock stands next to Kirk, placing himself between his bond mate and his accuser like a shield. Spock addresses the panel of admirals with barely suppressed anger.

"Since I am being accused as a co-conspirator, then I believe it is only right that I stand with my bond mate."

Uhura splutters next to them and rushes to address the panel.

"I am not accusing Professor Spock of anythi..."

Spock speaks over Uhura as if he doesn't even register her existence.

"Before the council analyses Cadet Kirk's actions regarding the Kobayashi Maru exam, it is only right that they are aware of possible personal motivations behind Cadet Uhura's accusations."

There is a burst of whispering that breaks out around the hall and it only stops when Kormack calls for silence. The Admiral asks Spock to continue. The Vulcan nods.

Cadet Uhura has made no secret of the fact that she has romantic designs towards my person and has done so since her first year at this Academy. She has failed on numerous occasions to acknowledge that I am in a committed relationship with Cadet Kirk and has gone so far as to invite me to her quarters for coitus. I am of the opinion that she has a personal vendetta against Cadet Kirk."

The anger that floods Kirk's sense are all his own as he hears what Uhura has been doing behind his back.

_'Why didn't you tell me that she was doing this? I would have made sure she stopped.'_

Jim can feel Spock's love try to sooth his furious mind. The technique is not at effective as it usually is, but then again, Kirk has never been this angry before.

_'I knew the information would upset you, so I kept it to myself. I had thought she would cease when she realised that my response would not change. I was mistaken.'_

They are pulled out of their link by the deep, raspy voice of the very revered and very old Admiral Archer. He addresses a now very flustered Uhura.

"Is this true, Cadet Uhura? Do you or have you ever had romantic feeling for Professor Spock? If so, have you propositioned said professor while he has been in a relationship with the accused?"

All eyes turn to Uhura as she gulps nervously.

'_Yeah, not Super Bitch on top of the world now, are you?'_

Kirk can't help thinking this, still furious.

'_Ashaya, when this is all over, I'm going to have a little talk with her, and if she so much as switches her tail in your direction, I'm going to…_'

"I don't see how that is relevant to the hearing. Kirk is on trial here, not me."

Spock again speaks as Kirk simply watches on in awe.

"Enlightening the council to the fact that the accuser is possibly motivated by a feud and what they stand to gain, or think they may gain, if the accused is found guilty, is very relevant. I also would like to know where Cadet Uhura obtained this evidence that incriminates Cadet Kirk."

Kirk allows a small grin to form on his lips as he realises that Spock has clued in on how Uhura gained her information. Stealing info from another person's PADD is not only frowned upon, but is also against regulation.

Uhura's panicked face searches the crowd quickly until it halts on a furious Gaila. She winces and turns to Spock, who refuses to meet her gaze and instead focuses on the panel of admirals.

"I found it."

Admiral Archer leans forward and narrows his eyes at the female cadet.

"Yes, but where? If you don't tell us how you got your information and from whom, then we will have to assume that it is not real."

Uhura's eyes dart from one admiral to the next and the blush on her face darkens.

"I... um... I don't think..."

A door slamming open has everyone startled. A red-shirted ensign runs into the chamber and up to Admiral Kormack, handing him a PADD. The dark-skinned man scans the device quickly and then fixes his gaze on the assembly with a look of concern.

"We've received a distress call from Vulcan. All cadets are to report to shuttle hanger one immediately."

Kormack goes to ring the bell to end the session, but stops as his eyes fall on Jim.

"Not you, Cadet Kirk. You are on academic probation pending the results of this hearing."

Kirk sends the man a murderous glare.

"This hearing is at recess until further notice. Dismissed."

The bell rings and there is a flurry of movement as everyone rushes from the large hall. Kirk turns to Spock and grabs the warm hand that is trembling slightly. He can feel the Vulcan's anger slowly get overtaken by fear for his planet... his people... his parents.

"Let's go, Spock."

Spock simply nods and they break out into a run as they head towards the shuttle bay.

_'It's going to be okay, love. Everything is going to be fine.'_

Spock increases speed and pulls Kirk along with him.

"I hope you are right, T'hy'la."

Kirk tries to stay positive knowing that Spock needs him right now, but he can't help hoping that he is right, too. But whatever happens, whatever comes, they're going to face it together. If the powers-that-be think otherwise, they're going to find out just how wrong they are.

/

/

**I know, I have made Uhura into a total bitch. Don't hurt me!**

**I don't like her character in the movie but it was not my original intention to make her into the bad guy. I felt it had to be done because for obvious reasons Spock can't really be the bad guy in this story and she already has a history in my story of being catty.**

**Don't worry, she will redeem herself later in the story... I hope.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Kirk gets help boarding the _Enterprise_. Here's a hint: It isnt Uhura that helps.**

**There is also some more sexy times... because I can't help myself XD**

**CMM is a great Beta. All mistakes are still mine.**

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**Sadly, Star Trek is not mine**

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The moment the bonded couple step into the hanger they are surrounded by absolute chaos.

A commander dressed in professorial blacks approaches Kirk and Spock and hands the Vulcan a PADD. He explains that Spock is needed for assigning the cadets with surnames from A-G to their designated vessels.

Spock nods to his co-worker as the man runs off and then turns to his blond mate.

"I regret that I will have to leave you while I attend to my duties. Please go to the meeting area for students with names from H to O. I will reunite with you there when I am done."

Kirk doesn't let go of Spock's hand as the Vulcan tries to pull away. If anything Jim holds on tighter.

"But I'm on academic probation. What's the point of me staying here when my name won't be called?" _'And I can't just stay here on Earth while you fly off into danger,'_ he thinks.

Spock's eyes soften. He gently pulls his hand free but makes sure to caress the back of Jim's hand with two fingers before contact is completely broken. Spock grasps Kirk's chin and tilts it up so that he can gaze into sad, blue eyes.

"As you always state, 'It is worth a shot'. Do not worry, Ashayam. I have a plan if you are not assigned to any ship."

Kirk wants to ask for details of this plan, but Spock has already released him and is walking away. Jim sighs, knowing that Spock has his duties to perform; Jim can't expect him to spend all his time calming Jim down.

The blond slowly makes his way over to the meeting area Spock had indicated, but is distracted by what looks to be an epic cat fight in the making.

"Gaila and Uhura are standing together in a large group of students (their assignment group, Kirk guesses) and Gaila is all but screaming at a very subdued Uhura. The Orion's hands are tightly fisted at her side, like she is struggling not to lash out physically and her face is getting greener as she chews out her room mate. Jim hears only a few words, "sneaking snake…lousy, self-centred, rotten brat…ought to haul off and put my boot right up your…"

Uhura reaches out for Gaila's arm but the furious Orion slaps the human's hand away and storms off further into the crowd of cadets. Uhura follows seconds later.

"I suggest you stay away from that or you'll likely have your balls ripped from your body."

Kirk spins around to find McCoy looking at him with an over-exaggerated frightened expression. Jim doesn't think any of this is a joking matter.

"I didn't mean to cause a rift between the two of them. I would never..."

Kirk is cut off when McCoy waves his hand to silence his depressed-looking friend.

"You didn't do anything, Jim. Uhura did it all on her lonesome when she went snooping through Gaila's stuff to get dirt on you. Frankly, she deserves whatever Gaila does to her. I just hope I don't have to help hide the body."

His expression turns thoughtful.

"Of course, a phaser set on 'kill' doesn't leave a body…"

McCoy's hand begins its descent back to his side, but when Kirk goes to speak again, the hand rises again.

"You. Did. Nothing. Wrong! Now come on. Our group leader is about to give out our assignments."

The two men in red jog off to join their group.

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After all the assignments are given, Kirk just wants to dig a hole and crawl into it and die slowly. No one has called his name; it's obvious that his probationary status has been logged and is going to deny him the opportunity to answer the call of duty—and worse, it will separate him from the man he loves.

_'Oh, God, if I'd only known. That stupid test wasn't worth it. Spock was right; I should have just flunked gracefully. Maybe I can convince Bones to dump the dirt on top of my hole when I'm inside... nah, he'll just grumble about how he is a doctor and not a grounds keeper. Maybe Sulu will lend a hand. He does owe me. Or maybe Uhura would do it.' _Jim brightens faintly. He _knows _Uhura would be happy to help.

Jim glances from the corner of his eye at his best friend. He knows it's wrong, especially since Bones is trying his best to be supportive, but Kirk is burning with jealousy over the fact that McCoy got the _Enterprise._

_'The man doesn't even like space and he gets to ride around through it with the best crew and in the most beautiful ship there is. Fuck my life.'_

McCoy is staring at Jim in sympathy, but then the eye contact is cut when the doctor is tackled to the ground and embraced by his very happy Orion girlfriend.

"I got the Enterprise, Len! We are going to be serving on the same ship! Uhura will be too, but it's a big ship so I won't have to see her that much. We're gonna be together on the fleet's flagship, baby!"

Bones hurriedly pushes his girlfriend off him, gets to his feet and pulls Gaila up to stand next to him. She seems puzzled at his lack of enthusiasm until McCoy pointedly looks to Kirk and shakes his head.

Gaila's eyes widen in sudden comprehension, and she launches herself onto Kirk, giving him a comforting hug. Jim appreciates the effort but would much rather have Spock hugging him right now.

"Don't worry, Jimmy. We will find a way to get you on board. Maybe Len can inject you with a virus. You would have to come then because he's your doctor. It's regulation."

Kirk pulls away from her and glances at McCoy hopefully. The doctor seems to be in deep thought.

"She's right. You would have to come with me if you were sick. A new shipment of the Melvaran mud fleas' vaccination just arrived too. It would do the trick."

A throat clearing has all three cadets turning around to face Spock who has his eyebrows raised in obvious amusement as he catches Gaila and McCoy's attempt at scheming.

"As appealing as that prospect might be, that will not be necessary, Cadet McCoy. I have a plan that will allow Jim to board the _Enterprise_ without anyone having to resort to deceit. Now, if you will excuse us, Jim and I have a shuttle to board."

Spock grabs Kirk by the hand and guides him away from the two gaping cadets and towards the senior officer's shuttle craft. Jim has just enough time to wave over his shoulder at his two friends, grateful that he's not going to have to endure one of Bones' hypos of death.

The scanning officer's eyes narrow on Kirk before he turns and addresses Spock.

"Cadet Kirk is not assigned to the _Enterprise _or any other vessel. Bringing him on-board is in violation of not one but three Starfleet regulations."

The man seems smug for a moment, but the expression drops from his face when Spock lifts one elegant eyebrow and frowns imposingly.

"That is true, but Federation law overrides any and all Starfleet regulations. I am assigned to the _Enterprise _and Federation Law states that Vulcans on active duty are permitted to travel with their bondmates. Since Cadet Kirk is my bondmate, he in fact has every right to board this vessel. Now step aside."

The suddenly very pale man salutes and quickly moves aside.

"As you were."

Spock guides Kirk through the hatch and to his seat.

Jim turns to the man, as he enters the shuttle, with a smug smirk.

"As YOU were."

Kirk and Spock take their seats in the crowded shuttle.

'_I should always trust you, ashaya,' _

Jim says this through the link, delighted and relieved.

Spock reassures him.

'_I would not leave you behind, t'hy'la, not for Starfleet, not for anyone,'_

The Vulcan turns solemn.

'_However, you may wish I had, if what I suspect is true. I do not want you to be injured, or…'_ Spock cannot bring himself to complete that thought.

Under the shelter of the arm rest, Jim's hand finds his. _'I don't care,'_ he tells his love. '_Together, we'll find a way to get through this. And if we don't, I want to be with you. I don't want to live without you.'_

'_Your sentiments are mine, t'hy'la.'_

Spock's hand caresses his.

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The ride to the _Enterprise _is made in silence.

Spock silence is understandable. The shuttle is full of people who seem to have nothing better to do then watch them. The Vulcan obviously wants to wait until they are alone to speak verbally. He has been trying to reach Kirk through their bond but Jim has put most of his shields up.

Kirk needs to be alone in his head for a while. He doesn't want Spock to feel all of this negativity. Disappointment, shame, embarrassment, self-loathing are swirling through Jim's psyche. His mind is filled with these feelings and some he can't even begin to name. Kirk can't understand how everything went so wrong in such a short amount of time. He just wanted to prove that he would make an excellent captain, but now he may never even get the chance to work on a starship. He needed to be bonded to a Vulcan to even get on the shuttle. As dearly as he loves Spock, this is _not_ how James T. Kirk had imagined his entrance into Starfleet.

_'I'm a joke. I won't be surprised if Spock decides I'm not worth the effort and leaves me.'_

Kirk doesn't notice the Vulcan's whole body stiffen next to him.

Once they enter the shuttle hanger of the _Enterprise, _Spock informs a yeoman on duty that he will go to his quarters to change and then report for duty on the Bridge.

Without even waiting for a reply, the Vulcan marches off with a helpless Kirk in tow.

Upon entering the XO's quarters, Kirk is instantly thrown against the nearest wall and the heated body of his Vulcan husband is pressed into his. Spock's mouth savagely attacks Kirk's in a demanding kiss. One of the Vulcan's hands grips Jim's blond hair and the other travels down to cup Kirk's immediate arousal through his pants.

'_What the…ashaya, have you lost it?'_

'_Hush,'_ Spock replies, his palm rubbing Jim in a circular motion. Jim bucks against the warm hand, trying to gain more friction and lets out a deep moan into Spock's mouth when the hand squeezes.

The sound of a zipper opening has Kirk's eyes widening, but they soon roll back into his head when nimble fingers wrap around his erect penis and begins pumping him frantically. Jim winds his arms around Spock, letting one hand trail up the side of his bond mate's face until he reaches that delicious, pointed ear tip, which he gently tweaks in time with Spock's caressing fingers. Now it is Spock's turn to moan and shudder.

Spock's lips leave Kirk's mouth and he trails kisses down the human's flushed neck until he reaches the point where the shoulder and neck meet. He bites down hard enough to draw blood, his fingers tightening around Jim's aching flesh in a grip just short of pain. The heat and pressure do their job..

Jim shouts a mangled version of Spock's name as he comes into the Vulcan's hand. The blond slumps forward, allowing Spock to fully support his weight while he tries to regain his breathing.

Spock lifts his hand out of Kirk's briefs and glances at his bond mate.

"I need to clean myself. I will be back in 7.2 minutes. Please rest on the bed while I am gone."

Kirk nods dumbly as Spock disappears into the bathroom. Kirk zips himself up and makes himself comfortable on the regulation bed.

_'Wow! I thought the beds in the dorms were hard. They were clouds compared to this bed.'_

The hard mattress shifts as Spock, who is now dressed in science blue, sits down next to Kirk. He turns to his Vulcan husband and gives him a small kiss on the cheek, feeling Spock's arm curl around him comfortingly.

"Not that I am complaining, because believe me when I say that spontaneous hand jobs are right up there on my list of all things awesome, but what brought all that on?"

Spock takes Kirk's hand and presses a passionate Vulcan kiss to the palm of the human's cooler hand.

"During the trial and ship assignment I could sense your negative emotions that you were aiming at yourself. I tried to comfort you through our bond, but I found that many of your shields were in place. I did however hear the thought you entertained in the shuttle, your belief that I would leave you in the not too distant future."

Kirk eyes fall to his lap at this and his cheeks grow red. Spock's free hand gently lifts Jim's face to his.

"Since I could not comfort you and assure you of my love using traditional Vulcan methods, I decided to use more physical means to bring you pleasure and remind you that you are mine. I wanted to show you that I have no plans to ever let you go, Ashaya. Whatever has happened, whatever will happen, please believe that and trust my love for you. I cannot always show it, especially when others are around, but know it is always there."

Kirk's eyes meet his and Spock can see the beginning of a smile that has the potential of becoming brilliant.

"You definitely got me over my moment of weakness. It is amazing what love and a good hand job can do for a guy."

Jim eyes his handsome husband and his small smile transforms into a smirk.

"Maybe before you report for duty, I can return the favour."

Jim eyes twinkle as he spies the blush that begins to saturate Spock's cheeks and the tips of his pointed ears.

"There is no need. I managed to reach climax while pleasuring you."

Kirk doesn't understand how that could be when he hardly got to touch Spock, but then he feels Spock's fingers press a bit more firmly to his palm. Suddenly it all clicks.

_'Gotta love Vulcans and their ridiculously sensitive hands.'_

Spock nods even as his blush gets darker.

"Indeed."

Spock releases Kirk's hand and stands from the bed.

"I must now leave and report for duty. You may clean yourself and change into the regulation blacks that I left for you in the fresher."

Kirk chuckles at Spock's not-so-subtle hint that he is a mess and needs to do something about it.

"Okay... mother."

Spock's eyebrows nearly disappear past his hairline at the title his bond mate has given him.

"I am not even going to dignify that illogical statement with a response."

Kirk shrugs. He places his hands face down on the bed behind him and leans back.

"Since you are not a registered member of this crew, I suggest you stay within my quarters until I am off duty."

Spock brushes his fingertips against the meld points of Kirk's face. There is not enough contact to cause a meld, but it does have the bond humming in contentment.

Spock wrenches himself away and walks to the door. He opens it and then turns to his bond mate.

"I will be with you again in 8.2 hours. Contact my communicator if you require me."

Spock waits for Kirk acknowledgement and once he receives it, exits out into the hallway.

Kirk sits there on the bed in the empty room and stares at the now closed door. He glances about the room trying to find something that will take his attention away from his current thoughts, but it is no use. It seems his mind is already set.

"Fuck it!"

Kirk jumps of the bed and runs into the bathroom. He showers and changes in record time. Jim sprints for the door and it opens for him, but he hesitates at the threshold.

If he does this then he is sure to piss Spock off, but on the other hand, Spock only _suggested _that he stay in the room.

_'Worse comes to worse, I'll just give Spock an apology blow job."_

This thought actually gives his more of an incentive to go against Spock's request. Kirk steps out into the hall and releases a sigh of contentment.

He begins heading in the direction of the Bridge, but then thinks better of it. He instead starts towards Sickbay where he knows his best friend is stationed.

_'I bet Bones is up for some company... and if he's not, well then that's too fucking bad.'_

_/_

**Our heroes get introduced to Nero next and the action will begin.**

**I will update in the next couple of days**.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay... you know how I said Nero would be in this chapter? Well, I actually meant he will be in the next chapter.**

**Sorry for getting your hopes up.**

**Thank you CMM for looking over my work.**

**Star Trek doesn't belong to me.**

**/**

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"Chapel, where the hell is Dr Puri? He should be here helping with these vaccinations since he is the GODDAMN CMO of this ship!"

Kirk steps into Sickbay grinning as he hears his friend's voice echoing at top volume through the room. McCoy is the best doctor in all of Starfleet and looks the picture of professionalism in his medical uniform, but Kirk knows that the doctor will not be winning any popularity contests with that mouth of his.

_'It's a good thing that Bones could give a flying fuck about what people think about him or he would have slit his wrists by now.'_

Kirk spies a pretty blond woman roll her eyes at McCoy and then saunter over to the comm. unit on the far wall. Jim deduces that this must be the Chapel that Bones is hollering at.

The nurse speaks into the device and then waits for a response. She obviously gets one because she turns off the comm. unit and turns to address McCoy.

"He's on Deck Six mending an ensign's broken finger. He told me to tell you you're being paid to suck it up and handle it.' You _can_ handle it, can't you Doctor?" The sweetness in her voice could be used to frost a whole layer cake.

Chapel places her hands on her hips and tilts her head in question. Kirk decides that he has a tiny little crush on this woman. Anyone who willingly pokes an angry bear just to piss it off more is totally crush-worthy in his opinion. _**'**__Too bad I'm bonded—well, no, NOT too bad, but too bad I can't arrange a threesome with her and Spock. He'd love her, too. He'd love anyone who pisses off Bones.'_

"Oh cram it, Chapel! I would kick your ass for that but apparently it's just you and me here, so get back to work."

The nurse's blue eyes land on Kirk, who is still standing just inside the med-bay doors. She smirks at him and gives him a wink before moving towards a group of people obviously waiting for their shots.

"Yes sir, doctor sir."

Kirk's gaze leaves Chapel and searches for his friend. He frowns when he can't find the surly doctor.

_'Where the hell did he go?'_

"OWWWW!"

A sharp sting at his neck has Jim whipping his head around to discover the answer to his unvoiced question. McCoy is standing next to him with an empty hypo in his hand and a satisfied smile on his face.

"That is your vaccination taken care of, Jimmy my boy. You can thank me later."

Kirk rubs at his neck to try and soothe the still-lingering hurt and pouts at his supposed BFF.

"You are evil, you know that? I wonder if Gaila is aware of how big of a bastard you really are?"

McCoy's arms cross over his chest and his expression is smug.

"Oh, she is aware, and she finds it incredibly sexy. You know, like all that caveman stuff Spock does to you."

Kirk scoffs loudly.

"Spock doesn't poke me with needles,and don't be too proud of yourself. Gaila thinks paint drying is sexy."

McCoy pokes Kirk in the stomach semi-seriously, and Jim starts to swear at his friend, but instead he is nearly knocked over by a blur of red.

"Sorry Doctor, but I'm in a rush. Can I skip the queue and get my shot now. I need to get back to my communication st..."

Kirk and McCoy stare disbelievingly at Uhura, who trails off when she realises who she is talking to. Her eyes fall to the floor.

"Um, I think I will wait for another doctor. Just tell me where to go and wait."

Kirk desperately wants to inform her of where he wants her to go and how long she can wait once she gets there, but McCoy, the consummate professional, speaks before he gets the chance.

"There is no one else at the moment. Just sit on the biobed over there and I will get your shot ready."

Uhura seems unsure but nods and follows the doctor's suggestions. McCoy turns to Kirk and pins the blond down with a hard stare.

"Don't move. When I'm finished with her, I want you to explain to me exactly how that green-blooded hobgoblin of yours managed to get you on board."

Before Jim can object, McCoy stomps over to Uhura, who is looking everywhere but in his direction.

Kirk watches as McCoy jabs the woman with the hypo spray and Uhura winces. Jim tries to hold back a grin.

_'Serves her right, the stuck up bitc...'_

He doesn't get to finish that very unflattering thought because the sound of Chekov's heavily accented voice erupts from all the comm units.

"**Your attention, please: At twenty-two hundred hours, telemetry detected an anomaly in the Neutral Zone. What appeared to be a lightning storm in space."**

Kirk's brow creases at this. There is something important about this information that is just beyond his grasp.

"**Soon after, Starfleet received a distress signal from the Vulcan High Council that their planet was experiencing seismic activity. We then lost contact with Vulcan entirely."**

The whole Sickbay is silent as they listen to the young ensign explain their mission. Even McCoy is

intently focused on the Russian's words.

"**Our mission is to assess the condition of Vulcan and assist in evacuations, if necessary. We should be arriving at Vulcan within two minutes. Thank you for your time."**

The moment the message ends realisation hits Kirk like a ton of bricks. He knows what is happening to Vulcan, and he knows what will happen to them when they drop out of warp. He can't let that happen.

"It's a trap!"

His outburst gets the attention of both Uhura and McCoy who have identical looks of confusion on their faces. McCoy is the first to find his voice.

"What's a trap, Jim?"

Kirk's face is panic-stricken as his eyes meet McCoy. His ears have heard the question, but his brain won'tprocess it. It is too busy focusing on Kirk's inner voices telling him that he is the only one that can save the ship... save Spock.

"I need to tell Pike. I won't let it happen again!"

With that, Kirk rushes out of the room, heading for the Bridge. He doesn't realise that both McCoy and Uhura are close on his heels. He doesn't realize anything. All he can see is Spock, dead at the hands of the Romulans or crushed to his very soul as he stands by and watches his people suffer. Jim has got to get to him. He's got to make Pike listen to him.

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The first thing Kirk is aware of when he bursts onto the Bridge is that it is really bright.

_'Whose idea was it to put so many lights in here anyway?'_

The second thing he is aware of is that Spock's mind is almost paralysed with shock, tinged with anger. He tries to send a quick wave of soothing warmth through their bond, but Spock's mind is far too overwhelmed to feel it.

Jim ignores his bond mate completely and heads straight for Captain Pike, who is staring at him wide-eyed from the command chair.

"What is all this? What are you three doing here? Kirk, what are you doing on-board? You are meant to be grounded."

A bark of incongruous laughter escapes Jim at Pike's words. The man sounds exactly like his mother when she would catch him riding his bike around town when she thought he was safe at home.

The seriousness of the situation slams back into Kirk when he senses Spock beside him. The Vulcan addresses the captain before Kirk can gain back his voice.

"Cadet Kirk is my bond mate, as you know, and according to Federation Law, I was within my rights to bring him on board. I did, however, request that he stay in my sleeping quarters. Now I realise that I should have made it an order."

Pike's mouth tilts in a smile.

"Mr Spock, I very much doubt he would have followed it even if you did."

Kirk, who is all too aware that time is running out, decides it is time to cut straight to the chase.

"We need to stop the ship! We're flying into a trap!"

Pike stiffens in his seat and all humour leaves his face as he stares at Kirk.

"You want us to stop mid-warp during a rescue mission. Are you crazy?"

Kirk shakes his head furiously.

"You have to listen to me! It's _not_ a rescue mission**,** it's an attack! The moment we drop out of warp we will all be killed!"

Pike looks at Jim disbelievingly, but seems to be willing to at least listen.

"Based on what facts?"

Kirk heaves a sigh of relief at the fact that Pike hasn't kicked him off the bridge just yet. He straightens his shoulders and begins his explanation.

"Fact: the same anomaly that was spotted today, a lighting storm in space, also occurred on the day of my birth, right before a Romulan ship attacked the U.S.S. Kelvin."

Kirk pauses for a moment to ensure that he has the captain's full attention.

"You know that; I read your dissertation."

Pike nods, pleading with his eyes for Kirk to continue.

"Fact: This ship, which had formidable and advanced weaponry, was never seen or heard from again. Fact: the Kelvin attack took place on the edge of Klingon space and at 11 hundred hours two nights ago there was a Romulan ship, one giant ship which managed to destroy a whole Klingon armada."

Spock speaks up for the first time since his bond mate started his explanation.

"How do you know of this attack?"

Kirk simply points to Uhura who is trying her best, along with McCoy, to become invisible. She steps forward a little uncertainly, as the whole Bridge turns to her.

"Sir, I... I intercepted and translated the message myself. Kirk's report is accurate."

Kirk's voice brings the rooms attention back towards him.

"We're warping into a trap. There are Romulans waiting for us, I promise you that."

Pike seems torn. He obviously wants to believe Kirk but he needs something push him over the edge. Spock could be that push.

_'You know I am right, T'hy'la. Help me convince him, please!'_

His plea is answered when Spock steps into Pike's line of sight and address him in his best logical Vulcan tone.

"Cadet Kirk's logic is sound, and although lacking in other areas, Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics. We would be wise to accept her conclusion and seriously entertain his theory."

Pike motions in agreement and quickly turns to the communication station.

"Scan Vulcan space, check if any transmissions are being made by the Romulans."

The Communications officer is visiblyflustered.

"Sir, I'm... not sure I could distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan."

Pike sighs in frustration and looks around the room until his gaze falls upon Uhura.

"How about you? Do you speak and understand Romulan, Cadet Uhura?"

She nods at the captain.

"Yes sir. All three dialects."

Pike points to the communications station where the current officer is blushing with embarrassment.

"Uhura, relieve the Lieutenant and scan for Romulan transmissions."

'_I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad that smart bitch is on our side.'_

Jim thinks this as he watches the interactions around him, going limp with relief.

Nyota jogs to the station and places the earpiece in place. Everyone is silent while she scans for transmissions.

"Captain, I pick up no Romulan transmissions... or transmissions of any kind in the area. There seems to be something jamming all communication around Vulcan."

Pike's attention is brought back to Kirk when the blond let's out a frustrated groan.

"It's because they're being attacked, Captain. Please, believe me. I know what's happening. I'm sure of it.."

Something in the captain's eyes tells Kirk that the man finally believes him. Jim wants to fall to his knees and weep in relief, but doesn't think that will look all that professional in the middle of the bridge. He manages to pull himself together as Pike orders shields up and weapons at the ready. Red lights flash around the bridge. Sulu's voice rings out over the sound of the alert.

"Arrival at Vulcan in five... four... three... two..."

Kirk and Spock's eyes meet as the final number is called. _'Don't worry, t'hy'la,'_ Jim tries to reassure Spock. _'We'll save them. We'll fix it.'_

The _Enterprise _drops out of warp and flies straight into the pits of hell.

**/**

**NEXT chapter is Nero, I promise**.


	6. Chapter 6

**FINALLY Nero makes an appearance. **

**CMM is the best Beta ever.**

**Star Trek is not mine.**

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With some impressive manoeuvring, Sulu manages to avoid what is left of the other Starfleet ships that litter the space between them and Vulcan, but even the very talented pilot cannot avoid the shots fired from the giant enemy ship.

"Shields down to thirty percent. We can't take another hit like that."

Sulu's tone is professional, but Kirk can hear the faint traces of fear beneath the calm voice. He doesn't blame the guy. He is seconds away from soiling his favourite underwear himself. Jim Kirk does _not_ want to die, not know, not when he has everything—and one certain person—to live for.

He turns to Spock, who is monitoring the science station. _'T'hy'la, if this is the end, I just want you to know how much I love you. I hope…I hope that somehow, we'll be together.'_ Jim has never been sure what he believes about an afterlife, but a Heaven without Spock will be no Heaven at all. Jim feels a quick flood of wordless love from Spock in return and their eyes meet for just an instant. Jim takes a deep breath and waits for the kill shot from that monster fucking ship.

It never comes. Instead Uhura's voice breaks out across the bridge.

"They are hailing us, sir."

Pike nods calmly like this is an everyday occurrence.

_'You gotta respect a man who appears bored in the face of death.'_

"Put it through. Audio and visual."

Everyone on the Bridge turns to the main view screen and waits.

"I am Captain Christopher Pike of the _U.S.S Enterprise. _Who am I speaking to?"

There is static for a moment but then a picture begins to form.

A bald, heavily tattooed Romulan appears on the screen, looking like the mother of all biker gang leaders. He glares in the direction of Pike.

"Hi Christopher. I'm Nero."

Both of Kirk's eyebrows shoot up at the Romulan's tone. The guy sounds like he's meeting Pike for coffee, not during a battle to the death. Jim already can't stand the guy and just wants to blow the bastard up.

"Captain Nero, your actions could be construed as an act of war, but if you cease now we can organise representatives to meet with your government and..."

The Romulan commander interrupts Pike, his deep voice that is now filled with barely repressed anger and withering contempt.

"We do not represent the Empire. We stand alone... just like one of your own does, isn't that right Spock?"

Kirk's head snaps towards his bond mate as he sends silent questions across their link, but Spock seems just as bewildered as he is. Spock steps forward until he is within view of the Romulan.

"I do not know you."

Kirk flinches at Spock's choice of phrasing. Maybe Spock should have pretended to be the big guy's long-lost cousin.

_'Yeah, just what we need. Spock pissing off an already very angry and possibly crazy Romulan with a big ass ship. This is so not going to end well.'_

Nero's eyes flash with rage as he glares at Spock.

"Maybe not now, but you will. You will forever remember me after you see what I have to show you."

Kirk has had enough of this guy. No one talks to his husband like that. He steps forward from his place next to Pike's chair and black eyes instantly focus on him.

"Back off buddy! No one talks to Spock like that when I am around. You wanna mess with him? Well, then be prepared for me to fuc..."

"Stand down Kirk!"

Pike's command has Kirk shutting his mouth before he can finish his threat.

Nero studies Jim for a moment, sneering, and then returns his focus to Pike.

"Captain, I request that you fly a shuttle to my ship to negotiate a cease fire. Come alone."

Pike's eyes narrow at Nero.

"Acknowledged. Transmit your coordinates and I will pilot a shuttle to that location."

The screen goes black, and before he can move Pike is penned in by Kirk and Spock.

"You can't possibly be serious about going. They'll kill you."

Spock nods his head in agreement.

"There is only an eight percent chance that that you will survive. It is illogical for you to meet with them."

Pike rises from his chair and briefly lays a hand on Spock's shoulder, giving Jim a look the human can only describe as fatherly.

"True, but it gives us the chance we need to stop the device that is blocking all our beaming attempts and communications. In the meantime, we need to try and counteract whatever they're doing."

The captain glances around the bridge.

"Anyone here trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat?"

The hesitant hand of Hikaru Sulu rises into the air. Kirk mentally rolls his eyes. He wishes this were the time to point out to Sulu that poking people with swords is not considered hand-to-hand combat in any universe. However, he can't fault Sulu's courage, so he bites his tongue instead

A man in a red engineering shirt also lifts his hand.

"Okay, you come with me. You too, Spock."

Pike turns to Kirk and points to the blond cadet.

"Kirk, you might as well tag along since you're not meant to be here anyway. Chekov, you have the conn until Commander Spock returns."

The five men exit the bridge as the rest of the crew looks on. Jim, the last to leave, spares a glance at Nyota and sees that the deep brown eyes are filled with tears.

'_She probably thinks this is the last time she'll ever see Spock,'_ he thinks, feeling a vague liking for her for the first time in a very long time.

_'Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll bring him back if I have to go through the whole goddamn Romulan Empire to do it.'_

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Pike lead them on a silent power walk through the ship, but when they hit the shuttle bay, the middle-aged man begins explaining his plan.

"Kirk, Sulu and Olson, you will be space jumping from the shuttle and hopefully landing on that drill."

Kirk and Sulu share a 'what the fuck did we sign up for' look as Pike continues explaining his plan once they arrive at the shuttle.

"Olson will carry a bag of charges and if you all want to be beam back to the ship then you will have to blow the thing up."

A sudden rush of terror floods Kirk's mind and it's not his own. Spock has stiffened and is staring at Pike. If he wasn't Vulcan, Jim would call the look in Spock's eyes sheer panic.

"Captain, I do not believe Cadet Kirk should participate in this mission since he is not an official member of this crew. There is bound to be some regulation against it."

Pike looks to Spock in sympathy but shakes his head.

"Regulations are not at the top of my priority list. Kirk can handle this, isn't that right, son?"

Jim straightens up and salutes the captain.

"Yes sir."

Kirk can feel Spock's inner anguish at this response, but he doesn't have it in him to feel guilty, not when doing this could save Vulcan and the ship.

'_I'm sorry, ashaya; I know how you feel. But I've got to try. I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen. Your people are in danger; I'm not letting them down.'_

"Then I request that I accompany the team on this mission. I am trained in combat, and my superior strength may come..."

The captain's hand landing on the Vulcan's blue-clad shoulder cuts Spock off.

"I need you here. You are the captain now. I need someone with your brains and cool head to save this ship full of cadets, especially if everything goes straight to Hell, and it may. You need to do your duty, Commander, just as Jim needs to do his."

Pike's hand drops and he turns towards Kirk again.

"And you Kirk, you're first officer. Make sure you make it back to the ship to help your new captain formulate a plan to rescue me. That's an order, mister."

Jim, along with Sulu, simply stares in shock at the Captain.

"Get in boys. We have a delivery to make."

Pike heads in and disappears into the pilot's cabin. Sulu and Olson follow and begin getting into their space suits. Kirk is the last to step into the shuttle.

He spins around to face Spock, who is on the other side of the open hatch looking ready to pull his bond mate into his arms—or to throw everyone else out of the shuttle and flee with Kirk to the other side of the galaxy.

_'I'll come back, Spock__. I promise you, ashaya, and I've never broken a promise to you.'_

The Vulcan's overwhelming need to pull him out of the shuttle only seems to increase at this statement, but he stands there, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Jim is impressed with Spock's self-control. If he was in his lover's shoes he would have handcuffed Spock to the bed and never let him free.

_'See that you do, T'hy'la. If you do not I will track you down and punish you.'_

Kirk is so tempted to make a dirty joke but feels that this moment calls for something more sincere, something he will regret if he doesn't say.

_'I love you, Spock. Always and forever, no matter what happens. Remember that, love. Never forget that you are my reason for living.'_

Determination slowly seeps through the bond in his mind from Spock. He notices that Spock's eyes are shining with the very same determination.

_'If you wish to hear me reciprocate those sentiments then you will have to return to me.'_

Kirk grins at his Vulcan bond mate's sneakiness. He is obviously a bad influence on Spock.

"Deal. I'll be back to collect, you romantic bastard."

Kirk spots the small smile that forms on Spock's lips just before the hatch closes and they are separated.

'_Hold on to that moment, ashaya. I'll see you soon.'_

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The drop does not go to plan... at all.

Olson tries a fancy manoeuvre and ends up falling to his death, taking the charges with him. Kirk nearly falls to his own death when his parachute tries to pull him off the platform he has just managed to land on. Sulu has to cut away his parachute or risk being burnt alive.

Then, just as the two of them are regaining their bearings, a group of very angry Romulans join them on the drill. Oddly enough, they don't seem to appreciate unexpected company.

'_Here I thought Romulans liked to party.'_

Kirk begins to rethink his reservations about Sulu's combat skills. The Asian's retractable sword seems to be working a hell of a lot better then his own bare hands, especiallywhen Jim is hanging off the edge of the drill trying to avoid the huge feet of the unnamed Romulan trying to step on his fingers. Just when he thinks it's all over, the pointy end of his friend's sword is protruding through his enemy's chest.

_'Yep, swords are definitely the way to go from now on. Soon as I get back to Earth, I'm buying one of tho__se retractable ones and starting up my training again__.'_

Sulu pulls him back up to his feet.

"Thanks."

Sulu just shrugs and smiles.

"No problem. You would've done the same."

They both look around, making sure the herd of angry aliens don't have reinforcements. They then start searching for a way to stop the drill.

"Olson had the charges. How are we going to stop this thing now?"

An idea hits Kirk. He picks up one the Romulan weapons that lay abandoned on the ground and passes one to Sulu. He then picks up one for himself.

"With brute fucking force! Come on!"

They both begin shooting at what Kirk believes to be the main power line. They continue for a minute until they hear the machine short out. The beam of the drill flickers and goes out.

Jim looks over the edge to make sure that the drill has indeed stopped. He releases the breath he has been holding when he confirms it with his own eyes. He jumps back on reflex when a small canister flies past his line of sight and falls into the hole left behind by the drill.

Kirk presses a button on his uniform so that his helmet reappears on his head. He comms the _Enterprise_.

"Kirk to _Enterprise. _We stopped the drill, but I just saw them drop something into the hole they made."

There is a second of silence and then Spock's voice fills Kirk's helmet.

"Understood. We will analyse it now. There is nothing more you can do there. Beam aboard."

There is something not quite right about Spock's voice and it has Jim on edge. He reaches for their bond, but it seems his psi-null mind cannot communicate well at these distances, and Spock doesn't seem up to sharing what is bothering him. All Jim can feel is a terrible unease and faint pain. Neither is surprising, not after the day Spock's is having—Hell, the day they're _all_ having. He is resigned to wait until he is back on board the ship to find out what is bothering his bond mate.

Kirk gets startled out of his musing by a female voice speaking to him over the comm.

"**Ready for two to beam up in five... four... three..."**

The ground beneath Sulu and Kirk's feet lurches violently as the drill begins to be retracted by the Romulan ship. Kirk stumbles back a few paces but manages to regain his footing just as Sulu loses his. Jim watches in horror as the helmsman staggers over the edge of the platform.

Jim ignores the female tech's demands to stay where he is and instead runs for the spot he last saw Sulu and jumps after him.

Spock's horror slams into Kirk's mind like a sledge hammer.

_'What are you doing, T'hy'la?__ NO!'_

Kirk is sort of glad he can't answer back because his response is sure to be filled with sarcasm and that is the last thing Spock needs right now. Also, what he's doing should be pretty fucking obvious.

Kirk straightens himself out to give himself greater speed, praying it will be enough to get him to his friend.

"Sulu!"

Finally, Jim slams into Sulu' s body and wraps his arms and legs around the man in yellow.

"Pull my chute!"

Kirk screams this to Sulu, trying to make sure he is heard over the whistling of the rushing air around them.

His chute is released but it rips away from his pack because the weight of two people is too much for it to handle.

_'Starfleet really need to redesign these things. I think I am going to write them a memo, assuming I'm not dead in the next ninety seconds.'_

Kirk begins to really panic for the first time since this mission began. He screams into his headset communicator.

"We're falling without a chute! Repeat, we are falling without a chute! Beam us up NOW!"

Jim hears the frightened voice of the tech respond.

"**I can't get a lock. You're moving too fast. I'm trying but..."**

The rambling woman is drowned out by a more incessant voice crying out within Kirk's head.

_'No, no, no! You promised me T'hy'la. You cannot leave me! I cannot lose you too!'_

The part of Kirk's brain that isn't screaming 'I'm falling without a fucking chute towards some damned sharp-looking rocks' is wondering what Spock means by not losing him _too_. He tries to send love and reassurance through the bond, but his love won't keep him from those rocks, and he's fresh out of reassuring lies.

As he and Sulu flip and turn through the air and get closer to the surface of the desert planet, Kirk closes his eyes and prays to any god that will listen for Spock to pull through this, for someone to support him when Jim is no longer there. He has no delusions that he will be coming back from this alive and he has come to terms with that, but it kills him to know that Spock is going to suffer because of his death.

'_T'hy'la, I'm sorry. Please don't grieve. A year with you is worth more than a lifetime alone. Please, love, please be all right…'_

He is ripped from his thoroughly depressing thoughts by the excited voice of Chekov screaming something about 'doing it'. He feels Spock's hope fill his heart before he becomes aware of the sensation of his body being transported. Jim opens his eyes just in time to see the fast approaching red landscape disappear, replaced with the solid gray and white walls of the _Enterprise_ transporter room.

When Kirk hits the transporter platform hard, with Sulu crushing him from above, he silently thanks Mother Russia for giving the world a genius like Pavel Chekov. That kid has just earned a lifetime supply of vodka.

**/**

**Next up, we say bye bye to Vulcan. You will have to wait to find out what else will happen.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Goodbye Vulcan :(  
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**Thank you to CMM for being such an excellent Beta and thank you to everyone that have reviewed this story so far. Reviews are what keeps me writing.  
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**I don't own Star Trek**

**/**

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Jim's head and heart are pounding like the beat of his favourite trash rock music, and his whole body is aching from that landing.

_'Let's not forget the deceptively heavy Asian who is currently crushing me, and the beat down I got from those crazy ass Romulans on that stupid fucking drill! __On the other hand, I guess I'm alive, so that balances things out.'_

Sulu manages to get off of him without doing any further damage and Kirk will be forever grateful for that.

Kirk gets to his feet and the two men stare at each other for a beat.

"Thanks."

Kirk shrugs at his friend and gives him a small smile.

"It was nothing. Let's just not do that again, agreed?"

The two battered humans stumble from the transporter pad just as Spock rushes into the room and takes their place.

Kirk can see the almost manic look in Spock's eyes. It scares the shit out of him. All he can read from his bond mate is blind panic.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Spock fastens his belt around his hips, not sparing a glance at Jim. **S**omething is _very_ wrong; Jim just almost died, and he knows Spock felt every instant of terror, knows that Spock knows how close Jim came to ending up as an ink spot on a pointed Vulcan rock. Even with his responsibilities as captain, Spock would normally have Jim in his arms at this point and be carrying him to Sickbay at a dead run.

"To the surface."

Kirk steps closer to the platform and reaches deeper into the Vulcan's mind to find a reason for this behaviour. He can still read the terror that seems to be overtaking Spock, but now he can also see mental images of the planet caving in on itself, caused by a Romulan-made black hole. Spock's whole mind is a depthless pit of fear, despair, and determination.

Kirk eyes go wide when he realises what Spock is planning to do.

"The surface of what? Vulcan's surface? You're going down there? Are you nuts? There's not going to be any fucking surface in about ten seconds. Spock, love, think this through, please. Your parents have probably already evacuated. We're still in danger. You've got to stay here and do what Pike needs you to do."

Spock shakes his head at him, not even bothering to answer. He addresses Chekov, who is still at the transporter controls.

"Energize."

_'Oh no you fucking don't! Not without me.'_

Just as Pavel pushes the lever to begin the beaming process, Kirk, ignoring his aching muscles and the terror, both his and Spock's, that is running through him in a floodtide, jumps up onto the pad and wraps himself around at shocked Spock.

As he disappears, Kirk sees McCoy run into the room and throw his tricorder to the ground in a fit of rage as their eyes meet.

_'Sorry Bon__es. I have a bondmate to keep safe. Be back soon... I hope.'_

Seconds later, Jim is breathing in the hot desert air of Vulcan, the surface of which is crumbling away around them even as they fight to find a footing. He quickly unwraps himself from Spock's body and looks up into the livid face of his bond mate.

Spock snarls at him.

"You will return to the ship this very moment! That is an order!"

He reaches out to steal Kirk's communicator, planning to order Chekov to lock on and beam Kirk back. Jim jumps out of his reach.

"I'm not even officially part of the crew and I'm not going back without you, ashaya! There's no time to argue about this; you can kick my ass later. Now come on. From what I saw in your head and from what I see around us now, we don't have much time. Let's go get your parents."

Spock growls but doesn't argue further. Instead he takes Kirk by the wrist and drags him in the direction to the Katric Arc, where the Vulcan elders and his parents are most likely taking shelter.

The pair runs through the rocky terrain and into the caves that lead to the sacred temple. They sprint past a giant statue of Surak to find the elders praying. Kirk can't help but think that with the planet being destroyed around them, praying is one of the least logical things to be doing right now, but this is probably not the time for a philosophical argument, either. He spots Sarek and Amanda, whose eyes widen as they see Jim and Spock heading for them at a dead run.

Spock pulls Kirk forward until they are standing in front of Sarek and Amanda.

"The planet is not safe. It only has seconds left. We must evacuate NOW!"

Spock's free hand reaches out and grabs his mother's in a firm hold, and he begins pulling the two humans to the exit, Sarek close behind. They've got to get into the open so the _Enterprise _can pinpoint them and get them the fuck out of here.

Rocks are falling around them, as the planet continues to fall in on itself. From the corner of his eye, Kirk can see one of the elders struggling to keep up. He tries to pull free of Spock's grasp but the Vulcan just tightens his grip.

_'I need to help her, Ashaya. Let me go. Get your mother out and I will meet u__p with you. Please, love, we've got to save everyone we can. Let me do my job.'_

His mind filled with fear and love, Spock reluctantly releases him and he runs back towards the old Vulcan woman and guides her quickly out of the tunnel and into the clearing near the cliff face, where Spock and the others are waiting.

"Spock to _Enterprise. _Beam us up immediately."

Sparkles of light begin to surround each of them, signalling a beaming. Kirk looks around him and spots Amanda, standing only a few feet away from him. Spock is on Jim's other side; he can't see what Jim sees. Suddenly, Jim looks down and sees the ground beneath Amanda's feet giving way. Spock sees it through Jim's eyes. From somewhere in the back of his mind, Jim hears Spock's anguished cry.

"Mother! NO!"

Jim feels Spock begin to move, but he knows it will be too late.

In two strides, Jim is by Amanda's side, pulling her away from the crumbling ground, yanking her back to his position. He draws her flush against his body, clinging tightly enough to cause bruises as he feels her arms go around him in a choking grip, re-bruising his earlier lacerations. He shuts his eyes against the onslaught of fear from Spock, praying that Chekov can pull another transporter miracle out of thin air. He can vaguely hear Spock's mental scream of panic for both of them before they are engulfed in light.

When Kirk opens his eyes, he finds himself once again on the transporter platform of the _Enterprise _with his arms still wrapped around his mother in-law.

Jim slowly releases her and they both turn to Spock and Sarek, who are staring at them as if they ware a mirage. Kirk tries to lighten the mood.

"So much for the whole 'Vulcans have superior reflexes compared to humans' because I just ninja'd that shit right there."

Next to him Amanda blinks once and then throws her head back and laughs hysterically. The broken sound seems to snap Sarek and Spock out of their trances. Sarek steps up to his wife and puts one arm around her shoulder. He gently rubs her arm in a comforting manner as she regains control with a sobbing inhalation of breath. She is shaking. Jim doesn't blame her one bit.

Spock is not so reserved in his behaviour. He practically jumps at Kirk, grabs his face and pulls the blond in for a soul-searing kiss. Jim can feel his mate shaking as well, and again, he doesn't blame him. He's not too steady on his legs himself, but the feel of Spock's mouth against his, Spock's arms around him, the taste of the single tear that slides down Spock's face onto Jim's lips, help to steady him.

_'If anyone in this room didn't know that we are an item then they do now.'_

Spock just deepens the kiss, cradling Jim's head in his hands and kissing him as if he could absorb Jim into himself.

_'I find that I do not care. You are safe and you saved my mother. Everything else is of little importance to me, T'hy'la. I am so relieved that you are alive.'_

Kirk breaks the kiss and moves back slightly and places his own hands on his bond mate's face, gently stroking his cheek. His lips are millimetres from Spock's mouth. He is still shaking, but he manages to find a smile for the other half of his soul.

"I promised I would come back to you. I didn't get my 'I love you' remember. I wouldn't be able to leave without that."

Spock pulls him closer again, and buries his face in Jim's neck, inhaling his scent. Jim feels another tear splash his skin, and he tightens his own embrace, ignoring his aching muscles in a desperate attempt to soothe his love.

"I love you, Ashayam. My heart beats only for you and it very nearly stopped a few times today. Do not worry me like that again. I beg of you."

Jim swallows hard, his heart breaking at the pain in Spock's voice. The universe is still exploding around them; God only knows what they'll have to face next. Kirk wants to explain that what Spock is asking of him is easy to promise, but not so easy to fulfil, but McCoy's dramatic entrance takes that opportunity away. Jim is not that sad to see it go.

"To Sickbay, ALL OF YOU!"

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McCoy is checking over the female elder Kirk had helped down on the planet. Amanda is huddled in Sarek's embrace on a bed at the far end of the room. Sarek has apparently thrown the whole 'no public displays of affection' rule right out the window, because he is gently stroking Amanda's hair and murmuring what sound like love words in Vulcan (Having been bonded to Spock for more than a year, Jim is getting very good at picking out Vulcan love words). Spock is standing like a sentinel at the door, glancing about the room. Kirk has a suspicion that, while his eyes are open, Spock is actually seeing nothing. Jim keeps his worried gaze on his husband as Nurse Chapel wraps his broken hand in a bandage. He tries to touch Spock's mind, but his mate is all but exhausted, his shields slammed down over the storm of emotions washing through him.

Spock is moving now. He walks over to stand before Dr McCoy, who has just finished with his last patient.

"With your permission Doctor, I request that I be allowed to return to my duties."

McCoy looks over Spock slowly as if trying to find a reason to keep him away from the Bridge. He sighs in defeat, obviously not being able to find one.

"Fine. I have no reason to keep you here, but if I hear that you are pushing yourself too hard then I will find you, grab you by your pointy ears and drag you back down here. Do I make myself clear?"

Spock nods once and makes his way out of sickbay.

Kirk startles Chapel, who has just finished taping up his hand, by jumping off the bio-bed and running after Spock. He ignores McCoy's outraged objections.

Jim manages to squeeze into the turbo-lift Spock is occupying just as the doors close.

Spock stares at the control panel on the wall. His eyes refusing to meet Kirk's. Jim presses the emergency stop button, and before Spock can voice his disapproval, the blond winds his arms around the Vulcan's neck and nuzzles a warm cheek.

"What can I do? What do you need? Tell me."

Spock's breath hitches for a moment as his own hands come up and hold Kirk by the hips.

"I need... I just need you."

Spock pushes Kirk into the unforgiving wall and his back aches in protest, but he keeps quiet because Spock seems to need this, and after this shit storm of a day, Jim will deny Spock nothing, up to and including a quickie in the captain's chair if it will only remove that look of utter terror and desolation from Spock's eyes. Jim is also starting to see a pattern forming with Spock and walls, but that's okay, too. The universe is full of walls.

_'Maybe he is developing a kink.'_

/Spock pulls on Kirk's hair and he arches his head back, exposing his neck to the Vulcan.

_'You are my kink, Jim. I need nothing else to excite me.'_

Spock dives for Kirk's neck, but instead of biting and sucking like he was expecting, Jim feels the Vulcan tenderly lick and kiss the tender flesh. Jim's arousal is immediate, but this isn't just about sex. The tears come to Jim's eyes as he feels the agonized reverence in Spock's caresses. He gently reaches up and threads his fingers into Spock's hair, letting the edges of his fingers stroke his mate's ears, trying to calm him, to soothe him, to give him the strength to go on.

Spock eventually makes his way up to lavish attention on Kirk's lips, carefully pressing soft, gentle kisses into his flesh, avoiding his bond-mate's split lip, kissing the corners of Jim's mouth, that spot between his nose and his upper lip, the edge of his jaw.

Spock is whispering against Kirk's lips. Jim can't hear anything but he can feel it.

"What is it, Spock? What are you saying?"

Spock steps back, loosening Jim's hold on him. He locks eyes with Kirk, reaching out to trail his fingers along Jim's cheek, softly caressing the bruise that is forming there. His fingers are trembling.

"I will not let any more harm come to you. I am going to ensure that you are safe."

Kirk presses a Vulcan kiss to Spock's lips. He doesn't have the heart to tell Spock that he will not be able protect him from the world. He is willing to let his Vulcan bond-mate keep his delusions for a little while longer. Spock is still too fragile. Kirk decides that it is best for now if he changes the topic.

"Come on, love, we have a job to do, and we need to be on the Bridge to do it."

The blond re-activates the lift. The rest of the journey is made in silence. Jim feels like this day will never end. Glancing at his bond-mate from the corner of his eye, he sees the grim expression on Spock's face and prays his mate has the strength to go on after losing his planet and almost losing his family.

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Once Kirk and Spock enter the Bridge, Spock takes his place in the command chair and Kirk settles for standing next to him.

McCoy has just joined them and he is glaring daggers at Kirk, showing his displeasure of the blond's early departure from Sickbay.

Kirk disregards him and instead looks towards Uhura, along with everyone else, as she works methodically at her station.

"Lieutenant, have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?"

Spock's voice is steady, and Jim feels a surge of pride in his love.

Uhura turns to Spock, holding the earpiece to her ear.

"Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain."

Chekov takes this moment to ask the question that has been bothering Kirk since they arrived at Vulcan and saw all the destroyed Starfleet ships.

"Vhy didn't Nero destroy us?"

Sulu faces the young Russian with his own theory.

"Why waste weaponry? We weren't a threat."

Spock shakes his head in disagreement at the young helmsman.

"That is not it. He said that he wished me to experience something. I believe it was the destruction of my planet that he was referring to."

Kirk looks to his bond mate and sends his sympathy and love through their link. Spock grabs at it greedily with his mental hands.

'_Hang on, love. We've got to be strong. We've got to figure out a way to stop this crazy psycho bastard.'_

"How the hell did they do that anyway? When did the Romulans jump so far ahead in the arms race?"

Kirk turns to a confused and flushed McCoyand speaks up for the first time since this conversation started.

"They haven't... at least not yet."

Everyone on the Bridge, except for Spock and Chekov, look at Kirk like he is crazy.

"Don't you get it? If they are able to create a black hole then they can theoretically create a tunnel through time. Nero is from the future, and he's brought along this weapon he used on Starfleet and on Vulcan. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that his next target is Earth."

McCoy stares at Kirk with disbelief in his eyes.

"Okay, say that I believe you, which I don't by the way, but then what does an angry future Romulan want with Captain Pike?"

Sulu spins in his chair to face Spock and Jim.

"As a captain he knows details of Earth defence codes."

Kirk steps forward decidedly and addresses the room in a commanding voice.

"What we need to do is catch up to that ship, disable it, take it over and get Pike back."

McCoy is the first to respond to the blonde's seemingly crazy idea.

"Fantastic, I'm in."

Kirk rolls his eyes at his friend'ssarcasm and turns to Spock, the only person he really needs to convince. From the look on the Vulcan's face, Jim has not done a good job.

""We are technically outmatched in every way. A rescue attempt would be illogical. We must gather with the rest of Starfleet to balance the terms of the next engagement."

Kirk is furious that Spock can't see that his idea has merit.

"Spock, running back to the rest of the fleet for a confab is a massive waste of time. Pike ordered us to go back for him. You are captain now! You need to take charge!"

Kirk is shouting now. Spock glares at him as his stands to his feet, toe to toe with his human husband.

I am aware of my responsibilities, Cadet Kirk."

_'Oh, so you're going to play it like that? FINE! __Pike made me First Officer, remember that. We've got to stop Nero from getting those codes. We've got to stop him form doing to my planet what he just did to yours!'_

"I will not allow us to go backwards, away from the problem, instead of hunting Nero down!"

The shields Spock created around his mind at the beginning of this argument falter for just a second but it's enough for Kirk to pick up on his lover's most urgent thought.

_'And I will not allow you to be hurt. If I must I will remove you from this ship if it will secure your safely. I am sorry T'hy'la, but it must be done.'_

Kirk's eyes narrow as he realises what Spock is planning to do.

"Don't even fucking think about..."

Jim feels Spock's warm hand land on the base of Kirk's neck and before the blond gets to finish the sentence, a sharp pain engulfs him and then there is only darkness.

**/**

**There was no way that I was going to kill off Amanda. I thought about killing Sarek, but I like him too... so I decided to keep them both.**

**You all know who is going to show up next... Spock Prime!**

***Happy Dance***


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to CMM for being my Beta. She helped me out a lot in this chapter.**

**I love Spock Prime and I hope I did him justice.**

**I don't own Star Trek and I die a little everytime I have to acknowledge that fact.**

/

/

The sound of a constant beeping is what brings Kirk back to consciousness.

_'Why am I in sickbay? What did I do now? Last thing I remember is fighting with Spock and then...'_

Kirk's eyes snap open only to close quickly because he is blinded by a bright whiteness that surrounds him from every side. His lids open slower this time so that he can adjust to the light. Jim takes in his surrounding and discovers that he is in an escape pod, which seems to be buried in snow. In fact, looking through the view screen at the world outside, Jim can quickly see there's nothing but snow for as far as the horizon stretches, without so much as a hot cocoa hut in sight.

_'That son of a bitch actually went through with it! He threw me off the ship! Wait 'til the marriage councillor I plan to hire hears about this! Spock's doing the laundry for the rest of our marriage, and we're getting that dog I want, _and_ Spock will be running the pooper-scooper when we do!'_

Kirk takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. He realises he needs to gather more information about his current situation before he cam form a plan to get himself back to Spock where he will take pleasure in spanking his hard-headed Vulcan until he begs for mercy, which, come to think of it, has its upside. Jim grins, feeling slightly better.

"Computer, where am I?"

The monotone voice of the automated response responds. Kirk really hates that voice.

"**Current location: Delta Vega. Class M planet."**

Kirk mumbles a few swear words as the computer continues on.

"**You have been ordered to remain in your pod until retrieved by Starfleet personnel."**

Kirk scoffs as he presses some buttons and watches as the hatch of the pod opens.

"Bite me. I'm not a fucking damsel in distress. I'm not gonna sit around here twiddling my thumbs, waiting to be rescued."

Kirk grabs a hold of the emergency pack and slings it over his shoulder before lifting himself out of the pod.

It takes him 10 minutes to climb out of the pit that the craft created. Once Jim manages to get to the top, he examines the landscape around him.

_'Oh, Spock is so going to get a talking to when I get back. He knows I fucking hate snow. __Once this is all over, the first chance I get, I'm gonna wait until he's sound asleep, and then I'm stuffing ice cubes down his sleep shirt... his silk one. That'll teach him'_

Kirk stays where he is just long enough to put on the insulated jacket before heading off in the direction he thinks the Starfleet base is probably situated.

Jim reaches into his pocket as he is walking and takes out his communicator. Because of the magnetic field surrounding the planet, he knows it's useless for calling anyone, but he can at least use the record mode.

"Pissed off bond mate's log: Stardate 2258, something point something. Give me a break! It's been a busy couple of days. Acting Captain Spock has marooned me here on this ice planet because apparently he has decided that the best way to protect his beloved is to dump him in a fucking freezer! Emotionally retarded_—_ oh sorry, I should be more PC_—_ compromised does not even begin to describe his behaviour, and when I get back to the Enterprise, and I will, he's gonna be in traction, too."

Kirk stops his rant long enough to take in a deep breath before going on.

"He believed that by dumping me here, he is protecting me from danger, which is completely..."

A thunderous howl has Kirk's words freezing in his throat. In the distance, he spies a large form quickly closing the distance itself and him.

As it gets closer, Kirk can make out more details and what he sees doesn't comfort him. The creature is at least 11 feet tall and a cross between a polar bear and a gorilla.

The polarilla seems intent on making Jim's acquaintance, and Jim doubts that he wants to invite him to tea—unless Jim is the side dish being served.

_'Safe my ass. If I make it out of this alive, I'm going to be demanding that Spock give me that thing we save for birthdays__—three times.__ I think I deserve it.'_

Kirk frantically turns off his communicator and shoves it in his pocket. He twists around quickly in the opposite direction of the approaching creature and runs.

Kirk sprints as fast as he can through the heavy snow, but he can hear the creature, which is in its natural habitat and apparently has evolutionary snow shoes built right into its feet, catching up to him. Jim's chunky boots catch on a snow-covered rock, and he nose-dives into the cold, white powder. Jim flips himself over into a sitting position and spots the polarilla only 10 metres away.

_'Only I could get myself into a situation where I am going to be eaten alive when Spock sent me here so I could be safe.'_

Suddenly out of nowhere an even larger creature, 30 metres tall, bright red, and looking like a mutant crab, charges at the polarilla**. **In three quick moves it grabs it, disembowels it, and eats it as if it were a small snack. Jim all but loses his lunch at the sight.

'_I'm never eating crab again.'_

Kirk staggers to his feet just as the creature spots him and roars. Great; it's still hungry.

"Oh shit!"

Jim is running. He doesn't know where, but he knows that he just needs to keep running. Then he is falling, landing hard on the ice, knocking the wind from his lungs. Jim looks up and sees a cave not too far away. Hope begins to build.

Kirk jumps to his feet and with the last of his energy, he speeds towards the cave, aware that the giant red monster is still following him. He gets inside and just when he thinks he might actually chance of surviving this, Kirk feels something curl and tighten around his leg.

Jim slams to the ground and is being pulled towards the huge mouth of the crab thing. He tries to grab for something... anything**, **but he is helpless, his fingers scrabbling for purchase as they slide across the icy cave floor.

_'Why does ice have to be so slippery anyway? When is slippery ever helpful? __Whose fucking brilliant design idea was slippery ice?'_

He closes his eyes and waits for the pain**, **waits to be torn apart like a loaf of sourdough bread, heartsick at the knowledge that Spock will kill himself when he discovers that Jim is dead.

'_I should have stayed in the pod. Oh, God, ashaya, I'm so sorry_…"

The pain never comes. Instead he hears hurried footsteps. Kirk opens his eyes to see a tall figure rush past him, bravely interposing himself between Jim and the huge crustacean, waving a fiery torch at the creature, which lets him go and disappears from the cave with a whine.

Jim takes a second to get his heartbeat under control and then looks back up at the stranger who still has his back to him.

"Thanks man. If you weren't here, I would have been that... that thing's meal for sure."

Kirk moves to sit up so he can get a better look at his rescuer. He has this funny feeling that they have met before, but he can't know for sure until the man turns around. He is also getting this buzzing sensation from the bond, but that could be because he is so far from Spock.

The stranger finally speaks and Kirk recognises that voice instantly. But…that _can't_ be.

"It is a Hen-Gra. They are notoriously afraid of heat."

The figure finally shows his face and confirms what Kirk had suspected but couldn't quite get himself to believe.

Kirk's mind, body, heart... his very soul knows this man. He may be older, in a sense more relaxed and dressed in funny clothing, but Jim would recognise his bond mate anywhere. This is Spock—at least, this is some version of Spock. Jim shakes his head. This planet is getting more fucking Wonderland by the minute.

The old Spock's eyes widen as the meet Kirk's blue ones. His surprise is evident.

"James T. Kirk. What are you doing here?"

Kirk gets to his feet, eyes the elderly Vulcan, and then crosses his arms over his chest.

"I could ask you the same thing... Spock."

The Vulcan's eyebrow lifts in the identical way young Spock does when something unexpected is stated. He obviously wasn't expecting Kirk to recognise him.

"Fascinating."

"Weird-ass crazy is more like it."

Jim's retort causes a tiny smile flickers in those tired dark eyes.

"Perhaps an even better description."

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Jim is sitting across from Spock (He will think of another name when the two Spocks are together but for now he is going to stick with what comes naturally), with a fire burning between them, barely warming the air. However, it's better than lying in a snow drift—or in some monster's belly.

"It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend... especially after the events of today."

Kirk snorts at the term of endearment.

"Old friend my ass! The young version of you will be lucky if I don't fire him out of an airlock in his skivvies when I see him again."

The Vulcan's eyebrow shoots up again and his lip tilts in amusement.

"Indeed? May I enquire as to what my counterpart has done to earn such a hostile response?"

Kirk leans in close to share his story, his face flushing as he remembers his last sight of Spock's face, full of pain, fear, and determination. His heart aches for his mate; Jim knows why Spock did this, but that doesn't fix the problem.

'_Wither thou goest, I go too, buster.'_

he mentally whispers this to his absent bond mate.

'_You broke the deal, and I'm gonna make you pay big-time.'_

"He nerve-pinched me and marooned me here to nearly be eaten by not one, but two monsters. Is that enough reason for me to be hostile?"

The elder Vulcan seems taken back by this.

"He committed an act of mutiny against his captain?"

Kirk stares at Spock slightly confused at how the old man came to this conclusion. He shakes his head.

"What? No. Spock's the captain. He had the authority to leave me here, but his reason sucked."

Spock tilts his head inquiringly, looking at the young man with adoration in his eyes.

"What reason could he have for leaving you on this planet?"

Jim heaves a sigh and brushes his hands through his hair, showing his frustration.

"He wanted to keep me safe and in his _supposedly_ logical brain, that meant dumping me on Delta fucking Vega. I guess he didn't know about all the critters who wanted to eat me. Of course, I _was_ supposed to stay in the escape pod, but Spock should have known me better than that. I _never _stay where you put me. Besides, nerve-pinching me and dumping my ass in an escape pod? I'm not an Imperial droid, you know. Sorry."

He chuckles slightly at seeing Spock's bewilderment.

"Classical reference. All I mean is no offense to you or to my Spock, but Vulcans sure aren't rational where their bond mates are concerned; in fact, they're fucking nuts."

Relief washes over the old Vulcan's face at the last statement and Kirk shoots him a puzzled look.

"I am pleased to discover that you are bonded to the Spock of this time. I was concerned that I was becoming mentally ill when the broken bond in my mind sensed an identical bond and tried reaching for it. You are so young, much younger then my Jim when we bonded, so I thought it was only wishful thinking on my part. This is one of the few times I have been happy to be wrong."

Kirk nods, now understanding Spock's earlier reaction.

"I felt something, too. That is how I recognised you. Spock and I have been bonded for over a year. It has been wonderful, the best year of my life…at least until Nero showed up and proceeded to wipe out half of Starfleet and the planet Vulcan to boot."

The old Vulcan's eyes narrow at the name.

"Yes, he seems to have that effect on all he comes in contact with."

Kirk stands and moves around the crackling fire to stand beside the aged Vulcan. Spock, taking the hint, rises gracefully to face Jim.

"What do you know about him?"

By way of response, Spock lifts his hand and his fingers hover over Kirk's psi points. The Vulcan pauses and gazes at the human uncertainly.

"It would be easier if I show you."

Kirk doesn't hesitate.

"Do it."

Jim feels strange, yet familiar fingers caress his face.

Jim's link with his own Spock allows this older Spock to slip into his mind with ease. He feels Spock, yet not quite his Spock, in his mind, their thoughts mingling gently as Jim sees what this Vulcan has faced.

Images of a future that hasn't happened fly through Kirk's head. He sees the supernova explode and destroy Romulus before Spock can stop it. He sees Nero's and then Spock's ship get sucked into the black hole. He sees Nero capture Spock and leave him on Delta Vega to watch as his planet is destroyed. Jim can feel the Vulcan's soul-crushing guilt, and it is more painful than anything he has ever felt. This being, so wise, so caring, has been tortured in a way that makes being eaten by a snow monster seem like a pleasure. Jim silently curses Nero again. This is one more debt the renegade Romulan owes the universe.

Jim can't take it any more, and so he severs the meld. He is crying silently, crying for the loss of so many souls, for the last screams of so many Vulcans that will now be forever etched in his memory.

"You feel so strongly."

Jim whispers this reverently.

Spock stays silent. He knows it wasn't a question.

Kirk takes a few moments to get himself back together, wiping at his tear-stained cheeks. Once he feels more stable, he turns back to Spock, laying a gentle hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry," Jim says softly, "so very sorry this has happened. We can't bring back your world, Spock, but I'm going to make this right, no matter what. Nero is _not_ getting away with his crime."

The Vulcan is gazing at him with open adoration, and it makes Jim feel marginally better. At least this Spock isn't trying to wrap him up and hide him away. He clears his throat before speaking.

"Where you come from... did I know my father?"

Spock's eyes soften in sympathy as he nods slowly.

"Yes. You often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet."

Kirk laughs at the irony of the old man's words. Spock watches him in bewilderment.

"He was sort of my inspiration this time around too, but not in the way you think. Just shows that our universes aren't that different after all."

Spock just stares at him, seemingly unable to find a response.

Kirk shakes his head and snaps himself out of his little pity party for one. This being before him has a hell of a lot more reasons to feel bad; he doesn't need Jim's shit. He straightens his shoulders and gazes determinedly at Spock.

"So what do we do now?"

Spock doesn't answer right away. He lifts his hood over his head and zips up his jacket to his chin. The Vulcan's dark eyes lock with Jim's and shine with identical determination.

"We get you back to your ship, so that you may, as they say, save the day."

Jim grins. He's liked this Spock ever since he saved Jim from being an appetizer; now he's pretty sure he loves him. Greatly daring, he reaches out and hugs the older version of his love, feeling this Spock's surprise and pleasure.

"Thanks. It's great to know I can rely on every Spock—wherever he's from."

The wise old eyes smile into his, the corners crinkling slightly.

"Thank you, young one. I would suggest you remember that when you next see your bond mate. Perhaps it will help you to forgive him."

"Oh, I forgive him."

Jim's mouth breaks out into a smirk as he contunues.

"But I am still going to make him suffer a bit before I let him know that."

He looks around the fucking desolate snow world.

"Lead on. Let's get out of here so I can get back and kick Nero's ass."

**/**

**Next chapter Jim gets back to the ship and confronts his Spock. Sh*t is about to go down!**


	9. Chapter 9

**So we meet Scotty and Jim confronts Spock. DRAMA!**

**Thank you to CMM for being such a fantastic Beta.**

**I don't own Star Trek.**

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Kirk and the elder Spock make it to the Starfleet base in good time, considering they are travelling across the surface of fucking Hoth. Jim is frankly amazed at the older Vulcan's stamina and resilience; it bodes well for Jim's Spock years from now.

'_When I'm old and gray, at least my bond mate can push my wheelchair._'

With this thought he lets his mind go back to Spock on board the Enterprise, worried, grieving, carrying the burden of command without even his bond mate's presence to help him.

'_Hang on, ashaya. Like it or not, I'm coming back, and we're facing Nero together. I'm not leaving you alone_.'

They are greeted at the entrance by a small, scaly green thing, which burbles cheerfully and waves them inside. Jim doesn't have the faintest idea what the creature is saying, but he/she/it seems friendly enough, so Jim follows with Spock in the lizard's wake.

_'At least it's not trying to eat me. I reall__y need to pay more attention in my xenobiology lessons when it doesn't concern Vulcans.'_

The small alien leads them down an empty passageway and into a room that is cluttered with bits and pieces of every type of machine Kirk can think of. It looks like a cross between a junkyard and Willie Wonka's factory, minus the chocolate, of course. That's too bad; Jim could really use a snack at this point.

It takes Jim a minute to spot the man reclining on a chair amongst all the mess. The man lifts his knitted hat from his eyes and positions it on top of his head. A heavily accented voice breaks the silence of the room.

"It's about time ya got here. I've nae heard anything for months about supplies. Ya here to deliver the food aren't ya?"

Kirk takes a moment to translate what he's hearing into actual standard and then shakes his head in answer.

"Um... no. Sorry. I'm from the _Enterprise _and …"

Kirk's rather pathetic attempt at an explanation is cut off by Spock's awed vocalisation.

"You are Montgomery Scott."

The man just nods casually as if his name is just common knowledge.

"Aye, that's me. Who else were ye expecting to be half starved and stranded on this rock.?"

Spock, who seems thoroughly amused, goes to speak but Mr Scott just continues on as if he hadn't just asked a question and not given Spock time to answer it.

"This is punishment... on-going. Tis all that wee little beagle's fault, a'course, and tis a punishment completely out o' proportion to the crime."

Kirk's face scrunches up in confusion. He is hearing what the Scot is saying, but the meaning eludes him.

'_I think I'm missing a piece of the puzzle—or maybe six pieces.'_

"What beagle?"

Mr Scott huffs a breath of annoyance at having to explain himself, obviously feeling that it is not needed.

"Admiral Archer's beagle, o' course. The man refused to acknowledge that is twas possible to beam beings larger than a grapefruit from one planet to another, or that transportation could be possible when a ship is at warp. I used the beagle in one of my demonstrations."

Kirk's eyes light up as he remembers the incident, which had been the talk of the Academy.

"I remember hearing about that, but I don't know any of the details. What happened to the dog?"

The Scot's eyes drop for a minute and then lift back to Kirk's face with a strange mix of regret and amusement.

"I'll tell you when it shows up. I do feel a wee bit bad about that, but I stand by my theory even if I have nae been able to prove it yet."

The old Vulcan steps forward, givingMr Scott a friendly nod.

"Do not worry Mr Scott. You will eventually prove it when you create the transwarp beaming formula."

The engineer's eyes widen as he stares at the Vulcan, but then he shakes himself out of his surprise. He points a finger between Kirk and Spock.

"Are ye from the future?"

Jim decides it's time for him to answer a question.

"He is. I'm not. The name is Jim Kirk and this is Sp..."

He trails off and turns to Spock question. They never discussed what they would tell others. The Vulcan's eyes are laughing at him.

"I am Selik. We need your help, Mr Scott. If I give you the formula for transwarp beaming, would you be willing to help return my friend to his ship?"

The two humans stare in awe at the elderly Vulcan who just casually offered to give away a formula that their best scientists have been working on for _years_. Kirk also wants to point out that it isn't really _his_ ship, but before he can speak, the Scot is already giving his answer.

"Sure, I'll help, but on two conditions. One: Ya call me Scotty. Two: I get to go as well. I cannae stay here on this block of ice any longer. I'd barter the transwarp drive meself for a decent sandwich."

Kirk holds his hand out and Scotty grasps it and shakes it vigorously. Spock looks on with a tiny smile on his lips.

"From what I can gather it does seem that we have a deal Mr Sc... Scotty."

Kirk can't help but laugh at the older version of his bond mate.

_'Looks like old age does nothing to diminish Spock's adorableness. If anything he gets even cuter. I can't wait!' _

He then sobers, thinking of all the obstacles ahead.

'_I hope I have a chance to see my ashaya when he's old.'_

Jim's lips tighten in determination.

'_If I have anything to say about it, he's going to live to be three hundred!'_

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

After the older Spock gives Mr Scott the transwarp formula, which shocks the engineer with its elegant simplicity, they begin preparing for their beam back to the _Enterprise._

While Scotty and Keesner (his little green companion, who apparently functions as a combination greese monkey and sandwich-making assistant) are double-checking the equipment, Kirk pulls Spock to a quiet corner of the room to discuss a plan of action for when they get back on the ship.

"So, what are we going to do when we beam onto the _Enterprise?"_

The elderly Spock is giving Kirk a look that he has seen on the rare occasion on his own Spock. It is the 'I have been putting off telling you something until the last possible moment because you will not like it' look.

_'The Spocks really needs to give me more simple looks that are easier to name.'_

"I will not be accompanying you onto the _Enterprise. _Only you and Mr Scott will be beaming on the ship."

Kirk can hear the slight disappointment in the Vulcan's tone. It's nothing compared to Jim's own feelings. He likes this Spock; he doesn't want to leave him alone here on this ice rock, and he needs him. Jim doubts very much that his Spock will believe him. He may just re-maroon Jim again in a desperate effort to keep him safe.

"Why can't you come? It will be so much easier if you came along. Spock is bound to listen to... himself."

Spock steps closer and places both hands on the blonde's shoulders.

"It is your destiny to be Captain of the _Enterprise _and you must reach that destiny by yourself. I will only complicate matters if I join you."

Kirk stares up at the older Spock beseechingly.

"But how can I do that? My Spock is the Captain and the last time I checked he wasn't up for listening to anything I had to say. How do I possibly become Captain? Over his dead body?"

A puff of air leaves the Vulcan's lips in his version of a chuckle.

"I believe that idea does not sit well with either of us..."

Kirk nods at this assumption.

"...but there is a Starfleet regulation that states that if a commanding officer is proven to be emotionally compromised by the mission at hand then said officer must give up his command. As his bond-mate, you know with 100% certainty that the destruction of his home planet and the thought of you in danger have severely compromised your Spock. The very fact that he marooned you here proves that, no matter how he tries to rationalize it to himself or others. Your job is to make him show it so that others can know it too."

Kirk's eyes the older version of his bond-mate sadly, feeling his heart ache as he realizes just what Spock is asking. He knows how to make his Spock reveal his emotional damage, but Jim's very soul is weeping at the idea.

'_If I do this, he may never forgive me. Hell, I may never forgive myself. But if it gives me the tools I need to stop Nero…'_

Jim swallows hard. For the first time, all those classes about the difficulties of command are really sinking in.

'_I may save the world and lose my t'hy'la.'_

Jim shudders at this thought.

'_But I've got no choice. I've got to try.'_

Spock's hands leave him and he looks at Jim, deep sympathy in his gaze.

_'Stupid touch telepathy. Nothing is a secret around Vulcans.'_

"Jim, if this plan is going to work, you will have to block your end of the bond completely, or else my counterpart will realise what you are up to. If he does, he will try and defend against it."

Kirk feels worse than ever. He hates shutting himself off from Spock this way. But he nods, understanding, and begins making his way back to the transporter, where Scotty is waiting with a wide grin on his face.

"Come on! I want to get up there so I can start messing around with her. The _Enterprise _is one well-endowed lady. I'm getting tingly just thinking about her."

Even with the depressing thoughts of what he will soon have to do, Kirk can't help but smile at the Scot.

"Too much information, Scotty. I really don't need to hear about your kinks."

Mr Scott just shrugs and waves at Keesner, who is sitting on a large pipe and sulking.

Kirk leans over the barrier and addresses the old Vulcan who is pressing buttons, preparing to beam the two humans away.

"You know, doing all this... trying to change things... it's cheating."

Spock's eyes shine with a smile.

"A trick I learned from my t'hy'la, a very long time ago."

Kirk puts a hand on the old Vulcan's shoulder.

"Thank you, I am so glad I met you. What you've done for me, it's…well, there's nothing else I can say."

Spock's hand covers his.

"You owe me no thanks. I owe it to the universe to make sure Jim Kirk lands in the captain's chair."

Jim gets into position and lifts his hand in the Vulcan salute his Spock taught him and he's finally mastered.

"Live long and prosper— t'hy'la."

. The last thing he sees, before the transporter lights blind him, is a pairof brown eyes filling with tears.

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The formula worked. Both Jim and Scotty manage to successfully beam onto the ship. The only tiny problem is that somehow Scotty got himself beamed into the water cooling system. If he doesn't drown then he is sure to be pureed by the turbine he is speeding towards.

Kirk scrambles towards the nearest computer terminal and hacks into the system, where he is able to open the emergency release hatch just in time. As he pulls a soaked Scotty to his feet, a feeling of dread works its way through him. Fun and games are over; things are about to get really ugly.

_'Someone was bound to notice the unauthorised override. Security should be here any minute. I was really hoping we could have had surprise on our side.'_

Kirk waits a few minutes and when no men in red come stomping in and no alarms sound, he thinks that maybe, he has, yet again, lucked out.

Both men are nearly out the door when the comm unit on the wall buzzes. Against his better judgement Jim answers it.

"Jimmy! You're alive! Len was so sure that your Vulcan had sent you to your death. They had a screaming match about it... well, Lenny screamed. The captain just stood there. If you ask me, Spock has been acting a little weird, especially while you have been gone, but now that you're back..."

Kirk knows that if he doesn't stop her now, the Orion could go on like this for hours.

"Gaila, stop. Look, not that I'm not happy to hear from you, but how did you know I was here and how come no one else seems to be aware?"

A giggle travels over the comm line. Despite all his worries, Jim's spirits lift at the sound.

"I just happened to be on duty, monitoring the computer system, when you accessed it. When I saw that it was you, I may have cancelled the alert and rerouted the information away from the bridge. I don't know what you're up to, but my theory is that if you wanted people to know you were here, you would have beamed onto the bridge. Was I wrong?"

Kirk smiles at the speakers, thankful for having such a smart friend.

_'I may not have been too fortunate when it came to family, but I definitely hit the lottery when it has come to friends.'_

"You did good Gaila. Thanks."

"Good luck, Jimmy."

Kirk disconnects the call and exits out the door in a jog. A sodden Scotty follows him and they both make their way to the Bridge.

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Kirk re-enforces his shields and hardens his facial expression just before he enters the Bridge. He fights away the feeling of emptiness a completely blocked bond gives him, reminding himself that he's trying to save the whole fucking galaxy. His marital problems will have to wait.

Uhura is the first to notice him and Mr Scott.

"Kirk! Weren't you on Delta Vega?"

'_Duh, queen of the obvious._'

Jim ignores her as he scans the room. He notices that Amanda is standing beside the command chair, just as Spock turns and rises. The Vulcan hastily moves in Jim's direction with a look of happiness in his eyes. The Vulcan disregards his mother, who is calling his name, obviously confused by the situation.

_'She didn't know I was gone. I wonder who else Spock neglected to tell?'_

Jim grunts when Scotty not-so-gently elbows him in the ribs and whispers in ear.

"Selik my pasty white arse. Even a Gorn would be able to spot that they are the same person."

Jim casts a quick sideways glance at the Scot.

'_No time to explain that little problem.'_

Kirk moves away from Scotty without acknowledging his comment and steps up so that he hand Spock are only a foot away from each other. The Vulcan is obviously struggling to keep from pulling his bond mate into his arms, and Kirk wants nothing so much as to let him, but he's got to hold it together. He's got to break Spock's heart—and his control.

"Jim, you are back. Though I do not understand how, I am—relieved. I have come to believe that I might have been mistaken in sending you away and I..."

Kirk jumps in before Spock can say any more. He can't risk his bond mate saying anything that might stop him from fulfilling his plan.

"Might have been mistaken? Might have been MISTAKEN! You threw me off the ship and stranded me on a chunk of ice!"

Kirk can feel Spock try to push into his mind but the shields are holding strong. Kirk is thankful for all the practice Spock forced upon him when they first bonded**. **He forces himself not to look into Spock's eyes, knowing the confusion and desolation he'll see there as Spock 'reaches' for him mentally and slams up against a brick wall.

"I did so because I came to the conclusion that it was the only way to keep you safe."

Kirk scoffs loudly at this. He lets himself remember his frantic, panicked flight across the ice plain, and some of his genuine anger comes flooding back, lending verity to his performance.

"Safe? What a joke! I nearly got eaten by not one, but two fucking huge monsters. Does that sound safe to you?"

Spock's eyes widen in horror.

"But... but it was my understanding that at this time of year all carnivorous creatures on the planet would be in deep hibernation. You should have been safe."

Kirk, after hearing his husband's stuttered explanation, feels like giving in, but then he remembers that the whole Federation is riding on him. He steels himself, and instead of hugging Spock like he wants to, laughs bitterly, scornfully.

"You tell that to the creature that tried to EAT ME!"

Spock flinches as Kirk screams the last part.

"If Scotty here didn't come and rescue me, then you would currently be down one bond mate. Of course, I suppose that would be fine with you. Plenty of pretty humans around, aren't there, Spock? You'd just pick up another to replace me, wouldn't you?"

Mr Scott goes to object but Kirk shuts him up with a glare. The Scot instead turns to Uhura and asks for a towel. The woman just rolls her eyes.

Spock doesn't even spare Scott a glance; his whole being is focused on Kirk. The Vulcan's eyes filled with pain, such deep regret and anguish that Jim almost cries at the sight, but he hangs on.

"T'hy'la, you should know that I would never wish you harm. I could never knowingly..."

Kirk cuts him off by pointing an accusing finger at Spock and inwardly hates himself for what he is going to say next.

"But see, I think you did. You saw Delta Vega as your way of getting rid of me. You saw your chance to unburden yourself of me without having to admit that you had grown tired of me. If anyone asked, you could just feign ignorance."

Kirk can see, over Spock's shoulder, his irate mother in-law making her way over to them. Time's running out. He turns back to Spock so he can deliver the final blow.

"You know what? I'm beginning to think that you never loved me. You were just using me to satisfy your human half. I bet you don't even know what love actually is**. **I was nothing but your toy, and when you got tired of playing, you threw me away, you spoiled aristocratic Vulcan brat!"

_'Please forgive me, Ashaya. Oh, God, love, I don't know if the universe is worth…_

Kirk can see the exact moment Spock snaps. His eyes go black and he releases an angry snarl.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!"

The Vulcan's fist comes down on the nearest screen and shatters it. He grabs Kirk by his arms and pulls their bodies flush together. Spock growls into Jim's face.

"I will prove my love to you. You will see that you are mine!"

With an anguished sob that slices through Jim like a knife, Spock buries his face in Jim's neck, licking and biting, his arms like bands of titanium hitting all of Jim's old bruises and making him wince in pain. He tries to pull free, but Spock's grip is too strong, his control completely gone.

Amanda's voice, filled with urgency, rings out around the bridge.

"Stop Spock! You are hurting your bond-mate! Spock, _kroykah!_"

The sound of his mother's voice screaming 'Stop!' in Vulcan finally seems to reach Spock, who releases Jim as if he is burnt. For an instant, the two stare at each other, Spock's eyes filled with tears, Jim barely fighting back the urge to fall to the deck and sob at that look on Spock's face.

Spock turns to McCoy, who is watching them warily.

"Dr McCoy, please let the record show that at 1800 hours ship's time I released command of the _Enterprise _to Cadet Kirk, who was named First Officer by Pike before his capture."

Everyone, except Sulu, turn to Kirk in surprise after hearing this piece of information, but the blonde only has eyes for his bond mate as he all but drags himself into the turbo-lift and out of sight.

A small, delicate hand lands on Kirk's shoulder and he is spun around to face a furious Amanda Grayson. Her voice is low and hard.

"You go after him and you fix him... Captain"

Kirk nods at her and then turns to the pilot and navigations officer.

"Chekov, set a course for Earth. I want Warp 8—better, if you can manage it."

He nods to Scotty.

"Get down to Engineering and manage it, Mr. Scott. If anyone down there gives you shit, tell them _Captain_ Kirk said you have a free rein. We are going after Nero. Sulu, you have the conn. Get everyone together and start brainstorming. We need a plan of attack."

He heads toward the lift, his mind on his shattered bond mate.

Uhura's clipped tone stops Kirk in his tracks.

"Where do you think you are going... sir?"

Kirk can't believe she is pulling this shit now. He doesn't have time to play her petty little games. Instead of answering her right away, he continues into the turbo-lift. Once inside his eyes lock with Uhura's and he stares her down. She sinks back into her chair in defeat.

Just as the doors close, Jim calls out to the whole bridge.

"I'm going to bring Spock back. That's where the _captain_ is going—lieutenant."

**/**

**As you can see I didnt want Spock to actual beat Jim up. I don't care where you are from, that is domestic abuse. I hope you like it anyway, even without the choking.**

**Next chapter will be up during the weekend sometime.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, I totally abused italics in this chapter, but it had to be done.**

**CMM was a huge help in making this chapter as great as it is. I was a little stuck in some parts and she pulled me through. Mistakes are still mine.**

**I don't own Star Trek.**

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When Kirk enters Spock's quarters he expects to find his bond-mate meditating or at least pacing, as he does whenever his emotions get the better of him. It's at least possible that Spock will be raging; it has only happened once or twice since they've been bonded, but this much stress is enough to piss off anyone, even a Vulcan. Jim is braced and ready—he thinks. Butwhat he finds threatens to break his heart. Spock is huddled in the far corner of the dark room, with his knees against his chest, arms around his legs and head buried in his knees. Jim has never seen him like this; it's as if Spock has locked himself into a box and shut out the universe.

Kirk drops his shields as he begins making his towards Spock, but his legs nearly give out when the flood of despair and overwhelming guilt threaten to tear apart his mind.

'_Oh, God. Oh, Spock, love, don't. Don't do this to yourself. Oh, God, ashaya, what have I done?'_

Jim manages to make it to his Vulcan lover and collapses to his knees in front of the curled-up figure. He peels Spock's fingers away from his legs and takes one of Spock's hands in each of his. Nothing. It's like touching a blanket or a shirt, something completely inanimate.

"Spock."

Jim whispers his lover's name.

"Love, sweetheart, t'hy'la; it's me. I'm here. Oh love, _please_ don't do this. I'm sorry; I never wanted you to suffer this way…"

There's still no response. Spock's hands are as cold as the surface of Delta Vega; his eyes are huge dark pits of pain and lonely despair. He doesn't even seem to see Jim, just looks right through him into his own private Hell.

Jim gently moves Spock, noticing that it's like moving a sock monkey; there's no voluntary movement from Spock. Jim gets Spock's head in his lap, begins to softly, tenderly stroke Spock's temples, directly touching his psi points, still murmuring love words in Standard, in Vulcan, Hell in Klingon if that will work, hoping to reach his tormented mate. The added skin contact allows Jim begin to pick up on Spock's thoughts, all of them soaked with a flood of emotional pain.

_'I did _not_ know. I did _not_ know. I would never have sent him if I had known. I do love him... I do... I do... I do...'_

Kirk continues to stroke Spock's brow, trying to let his touch speak for him, trying to offer physical comfort as he attempts to ease his husband's mental pain.

"Spock, it's okay. I am here now. Please don't do this to yourself. I didn't mean anything I said. You must believe me."

Jim lifts both of Spock's hands and places gentle kisses on each of the Vulcan's knuckles. Spock still shows no sign of hearing him, of even being aware that he is there. Spock's mind just keeps repeating the same mantra over and over again.

'_I love him….I do…My t'hy'la…I love him.'_

It is obvious to him that Spock has retreated so far into his mind that he is unaware of anything going on around him. Jim needs to find a way to bring him back.

_'Seems like I will have to push this to the next level and initiate a meld. I hope it works because I haven't done one in ages.'_

Kirk sighs and pulls Spock up and into his arms, feeling the icy-cold body against his. He rests Spock's head against his shoulder, still whispering words of love and reassurance, still getting no response.

Jim's fingers gently position themselves on Spock's psi points. Jim closes his eyes, seeking for that faint, shining cable of twisted silver and gold that is their bond, that link which binds them together for all their lives. He reaches for their bond and uses it as a guide to enter Spock's brain.

It is like falling into a storm. Jim is battered on all sides by waves of anger, hate, regret, possessiveness, guilt and so many more emotions he can't even distinguish. He gasps, trying to process, trying to focus. Spock must be hiding somewhere in this mental world. Jim has to find him. He struggles on until suddenly, there is a door in front of him, a door pulsing red with pain and shame. Jim's mental 'hand' reaches out and opened the door, letting his consciousness slip inside and slamming the door behind him.

Spock's mental form is sitting cross-legged, with his hands at his sides, in an empty dark room and staring unseeingly at the door Kirk just entered. He blinks, and then the tormented eyes meet Jim's.

'_Do you hate me so?'_  
>Spock's mental voice is barely a whisper.<p>

'_Do you loathe me enough to pursue me here, to torment me within my own mind? Then do so, t'hy'la. It is less than I deserve.' _

The figure spreads his hands, inviting all the pain Jim can heap upon him.

In this mental world where thoughts and actions are the same, Jim is next to Spock in an instant, throwing himself into the Vulcan's embrace.

_'No, t'hy'la.__ My love, please stop punishing yourself. I didn't mean anything I said. I know you only did what you thought was right at the time. I know that you love me, just as I love you.'_

'_But you do not know I love you.' _

Spock's mental voice is low and filled with such hopelessness that Jim gasps with the pain.

_'You believe I abandoned you, that I do not love, you, that I simply amused myself with you. You said so; I heard it.' _

There is a mental sob that escapes Spock.

'_You…you turned form me in disgust.'_

'_No, love, no.'_

Jim breathes this, holding onto Spock with all his strength.

'_I am so sorry; I had to say what I said. I am not angry; I do not hate you. Love, feel me; believe me. I am here, and I will not leave you. Please, Spock, ashaya, come back to me. I love you, Spock, so very much. Pretending that I did not almost killed me.'_

Together in Spock's mind, Jim gently strokes Spock's ears, knowing that this tender touch, a caress that only Jim has ever offered, soothes Spock like no other. A spark seems to ignite in his bond-mate's eyes at the contact. Kirk heart is filling with hope even when he sees the tear slide down a pale cheek.

_'I do not deserve your love. You nearly died because of my actions. My love for you nearly killed you.'_

Kirk tries to hold it in, but Spock's words drive him to laughter. This seems to startle Spock out of his inwardly-focused agony of self-recrimination. He looks at Jim, confused.

_'I'm sorry for laughing Ashaya, but you can't take the credit for me nearly dying this time. Yes, you did send me to that planet, but if I had stayed in the pod like I was told, instead of __wandering around on that damn planet like a lost tourist, then I wouldn't have been in any danger. And I managed to escape. I just wish I'd had a vat of tarter sauce for that crab thing that was trying to eat me.'_

Spock's expression is becoming more relaxed but he still seems unconvinced, and Jim can still feel his pain and grief. Undeterred, Jim continues.

_'I would never have been at risked of becoming dinner if I hadn't left the escape pod. I really should start listening to those computer recording. They seem to know what they are talking about.'_

Spock's hand reaches to touch Kirk's face, but at the last second, he pulls it back and clenches it into a fist.

_'But... but you said that I did not love you, that I viewed you as a plaything, that...'_

Jim's heart breaks all over again. Both in their minds and in the flesh, he grabs Spock's hands in his, lavishing soft kisses over every inch of skin, turning Spock's hands over and burying his face in Spock's palms.

_'Understand this, T'hy'la, what I said on the Bridge was a bunch of lies. I only said what I said so I could prove to you and others that you are emotionally compromised, which you have been since I came back from the drill. I didn't want to do it, but it was the only way for you to see sense__**. **__I had to drive you to the breaking point, and the only weapon I had was your love for me. I'm so sorry; I never wanted to use that love against you, but I have to take command. The old man told me...'_

Kirk stops himself, hoping that Spock missed his slip, but from the slightly narrowed eyes and raised eyebrow, he knows that he has been caught.

_'What old man? I was under the impression that the only person you came into contact with on Delta Vega was the Starfleet officer you addressed as Scotty.'_

Kirk worries for a moment that if he tells Spock everything then the universe itself might end, but if that were true then Spock (the older one) would have told him specifically not to say anything. To Jim, the risk of the universe imploding is worth it, if he can get his husband to understand why he did what he did. Surely this story is too crazy to be fake.

_'I think it will be best if I just show you everything.'_

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

After Spock has seen all of Kirk's memories of Delta Vega, the two just sit within Spock's psyche and stare at each other. Spock has a neutral expression, but Kirk can feel his jealousy, a faint sense of anger, and a strong feeling of uncertainty, directed at his older self.

_'I grow to be very manipulative in my old age and I am not pleased with the fact that he performed a meld on you. He had no right.'_

Kirk throws his head back as he laughs.

_'Oh my god! Are you seriously jealous of _yourself?_ He is you! And we only melded because time was of the essence and he need to give me important information. No mental sex was had while on that ice rock, I can promise you that.'_

He leans forward, once more pressing mental kisses to Spock's face_. _

'_I adore you, my t'hy'la. I would never cheat on you, not even with a time-travelling version of you. I swear.'_

Spock lets his fingers skim across Jim's brow, brushing the human's unruly hair back into place.

_'I am pleased to hear that, Ashayam. It would be regretful if I had to kill my future self.'_

Instead of laughing again, as Kirk knows Spock is expecting, the human's face turns serious.

_'Spock, I would love to stay here with you forever and joke about your rivalry with your other self if I could, but people are waiting for us. We need to get back to the bridge and figure out a way to save Earth.'_

Spock's eyes fill with determination and he nods at the blond in his arms.

The next thing Kirk is aware of is that he is back in Spock's room, wrapped in his bond mate's arms, his neck still damp from Spock's tears, but Spock's mental presence once more strong and stable in Jim's soul.

He reluctantly lets go, and they both rise from the floor at the same time. A beat passes and then they are falling into each other's arms.

Kirk presses butterfly kisses all over his bond-mate's face, paying special attention to Spock's soft lips. He whispers against his lover's mouth.

"Please forgive me for everything I said. I didn't want to do it. It nearly killed me to do it. I love you so much. _Never _forget that."

Spock uses his hands to deliver Vulcan kisses to his mate and send his understanding down the bond.

"You have forgiven me for doing what I _thought_ was right. It is only fair that I forgive you for doing what _was_ right."

Kirk's kisses are becoming more urgent against Spock's lips.

"Don't ever hide away like that again. I was so worried that I'd lost you."

Spock grabs Kirk by the back of his neck and pulls him in to deepen the kiss.

_'But you found me and brought me back.'_

Jim breaks the kiss to gather his breath and presses his forehead against Spock's. His heart is filled to the brim with adoration, love and gratefulness for the man before him.

"I will always find you. Hell itself wouldn't be able to keep me away from you."

Kirk goes to kiss Spock again, but the Vulcan dodges his advances and steps away to look into his blue eyes in amusement. Jim knows he is pouting but can't seem to pull his lip back in to where it belongs.

"I believe that you mentioned that we are expected on the Bridge, so that we may formulate a plan to defeat Nero, or was I mistaken?"

If anything, Kirk's pout becomes more prominent at this question.

"Yeah I did, but I'm sure they can survive without us for another 10 minutes."

Spock brushes past his bond-mate on his way to the door, a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth.

"I do not believe we should, as you say, risk it. We will have plenty time for sexual gratification when Nero is thwarted. Let us meet with the rest of the crew before they become concerned."

Kirk watches Spock make his way out of the room and can't help but grin as he notices that Spock seems to be back to normal, but then he realises that he is now standing alone in a dark room like an idiot. He run out the door and heads towards Spock who has almost reached the turbo-lift. No one is in the passage way so Kirk takes the opportunity to embarrass his lover, since the Vulcan has put him through quite a bit in a short amount of time. In his mind, it is only fair.

"The moment Nero is dead, it will be you, me, a big comfy bed, a jumbo tube of lube, some chocolate-flavoured body oil, and a pair of handcuffs. And we're going to be there for a week. So be prepared."

Spock steps into the lift and turns, with a green flush covering his cheeks, to glare at Jim. With a grin, the blond manages to make it into the lift before the doors closes.

_'When we defeat Nero, all you will be getting is a spanking.'_

Kirk smirks and winks at Spock, stealing one more hot kiss while the lift is moving.

"Not that I would ever complain, but I do believe that you have developed a spanking kink, Ashayam. "

Spock's blush just deepens.

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

Every single person turns to Spock and Kirk as they enter the Bridge. Jim notes that Amanda is no longer among them.

_'She must have gone back to her room to tell Sarek what an asshole I was to you before.'_

Spock's mental chuckle makes its way across their bond and Kirk's stomach does a little flip at the sound.

_'I doubt that is the reason she returned to her guest room... well not the sole reason.'_

Jim shoots him a sharp look from the corner of his eyes as they both step in unison towards the small group of officers standing around the navigation station and staring at them in wonder. Scotty, who is standing next to Uhura, is now in a dry, red engineering uniform and Gaila, who must have arrived at some point while he was gone, is now lounging in the pilot's chair beside Chekov.

Once Kirk reaches the group, he pats Sulu on the shoulder and something in the Asian's demeanour relaxes.

_'Probably glad to be rid of the responsibility. In these circumstances, I can't fault him for feeling that way, but I always did like a challenge.'_

"Good job on not getting us blown up while I was away, Sulu."

Sulu just shrugs and gives the new captain a lazy salute.

"Thanks. I will admit there was a moment when I thought we were all doomed when Dr McCoy tried to reprogram the bridge's replicator to make him that disgusting chicory-flavoured coffee he likes, but I managed to get us through that rough patch."

McCoy rolls his eyes and steps into the middle of the group, scowling at all the amused faces.

"This ain't no time to be joking around like a bunch of circus clowns. Now, Captain..."

He nods to Kirk.

"I assume that you and the hobgoblin have kissed and made up—and no, I _don't _want any damned details—so let's get back to what Starfleet is paying us for."

The doctor spins around to point at Chekov, who jumps a little in his seat in fright.

"Tell the captain and the hobgoblin your genius plan, jail bait."

Pavel blushes as all eyes fall on him but he straightens his back in the chair and addresses Kirk and Spock.

"Based on the Romulan's course from Wulcan, I have projected that Nero will travel past Saturn. If we could drop out of varp behind one of Saturn's moons, say Titan, the magnetic distortion from the planet's rings will make us inwisible to Nero's sensors."

Scotty jumps in and continues on with the explanation with unprecedented enthusiasm.

"Aye, and then we could beam someone on board that ship without them knowing."

Kirk looks to Spock waiting for the Vulcan's verdict on the plan.

"Ensign Chekov's calculations are correct. If Mr Sulu can manoeuvre us into position, I can beam aboard Nero's ship, where I will destroy the black hole device and rescue Captain Pike."

Kirk's gaze narrows at Spock before he speaks to the rest of the team.

"What Spock meant to saywas that _we _will beam onto that ship to destroy the weapon and get Pike back. Isn't that right, Mr Spock?"

Spock sighs quietly in exasperation.

"Indeed Captain. That is exactly what I meant. Thank you for clarifying for the others."

Kirk gives the Vulcan a sly smile and slaps him on the shoulder.

"You're welcome. I'm always willing to help."

Uhura steps before the two men and glances at the two of them in concern, but her gaze eventually lands on Spock.

"You have been through enough already. Why do you need to go at all? Others on this ship are just as capable of completing this mission."

Spock's eyebrow lifts at her question. Kirk turns to face his bond-mate because he also wants to know why Spock is so determined to go, beside the obvious reason of revenge. It doesn't seem enough to risk so much.

"Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry. I may be able to pass as a Romulan, at least long enough to distract a guard, and our biological and cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access their ship's computer and retrieve the information I need."

Jim is unconvinced and by the way Uhura puts her hands on her hips and glowers at Spock, she is not convinced either.

_'You are going to have to do better then that, my love.'_

Spock heaves another silent sigh.

"Also, I am half human and my bond-mate is human, which makes Earth the only home I have left."

Uhura's hands drop from her hips and she nods in understanding, her eyes softening at the admission.

She looks to Kirk and smiles. Not a snide or condescending smile that he is used to receiving from her, but a friendly and open smile. Kirk will admit that he could get used to those smiles being aimed at him.

"I am happy he will have you to watch his back, Kirk. If he has to go then I am glad you will be there with him...sir."

Gaila's melodic voice startles everyone from the touching moment that just unfolded before them and they all turn their focus onto the pretty Orion.

"So we have a plan... sort of. Don't you think we should, I don't know, begin implementing it? We don't exactly have a whole heck of a lot of time."

Kirk blinks at the smiling Orion and then turns to McCoy and points an accusing finger at the doctor.

"You are such a bad influence. Look at what you have done to my poor sweet Gaila! She wasn't like this until she started hanging around with the likes of you."

McCoy just beams proudly as his gaze fixes on his beautiful girlfriend.

"She's my girl alright."

A throat clearing has everyone looking towards Spock, who is standing amongst them, the picture of professionalism.

"While Miss Vro's manner of expression was crude..."

Gaila blows the Vulcan a raspberry at this, but Spock simply ignores her.

"... she does have a valid point. We should proceed in putting this plan into action."

Kirk's expression turns serious and he claps his hands once to get everyone's attention.

"You heard the Vulcan; we all have jobs to do, so let's go do them."

They all move towards their stations in a quick but orderly fashion. Kirk takes a seat in the command chair and Spock takes his place standing next to him. Their fingers brush on the armrest of the chair.

_'What is the __likelihood that this plan __will actually work?'_

The two of them stare at the view screen in front of them as they continue to bestow Vulcan kisses on each other and converse within their minds.

_'I have learnt that during our time together, Ashayam, that calculating possible outcomes to any of your actions is a pointless endeavour because you are constantly achieving the impossible.'_

Kirk feels the truth of this statement through their link and smiles slightly. Spock's faith in him makes him giddy and his own self-confidence begins to grow.

_'So what you are saying is that I'm a miracle worker.'_

Spock grasps Jim's hand in his and squeezes firmly, still facing the screen in front of them.

_'What I am saying is that if anyone is capable of making sure this mission is a success, it is you, my t'hy'la.'_

For the first time since hearing the crazy plan, Kirk actually believes that as well. This is not going to be his no-win scenario. Nero had better bend over and kiss his ass good-bye. Jim Kirk was on his way.

**/**

**Now for some news that might upset some people. Because of work and my studies I will have to cut back to posting 1 chapter a week. I just can't find any extra time to do more then that.**

**I will most likely post chapters on a Friday or Saturday. (I live in South Korea, so work out when that will be for you)**

**I would love to do more but there are only so many hours in a day. **


	11. Chapter 11

**I am soooooooo sorry for the late update. Real life got in the way and I seem to have misplaced my Beta (please come back to me!)**

**I will make it up to you by posting two chapters this week.**

**This has been un-beta'd, so any mistakes totally and absolutely belong to me.**

**I don't own Star Trek**

**/**

/**  
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"Captain, we will reach Titan in approximately 10 minutes."

Kirk goes to acknowledge Sulu's update but Spock, who is now manning the science station, speaks first.

"It is nine point two five minutes to be exact."

Jim covers his mouth with his hand so that the rest of the bridge crew cannot see the grin on his face. Others may find Spock's constant corrections annoying, but he finds them to be incredibly cute. In the past he has purposely made errors just so Spock can correct him.

"Thank you Mr Spock for clearing that up. A mistake like that could have destroyed us all."

Chekov giggles, but stops when a pouting Sulu smacks him in the chest.

Remembering that he has a things to do, Kirk slaps his hands on his thighs and jumps to his feet. He turns to Uhura, who is scanning space for any transmissions.

"Lt. Uhura, can you please inform Mr Scott that Commander Spock and I will be making our way down to the transporter room and I want him there to meet us."

Uhura nods.

"Aye, sir."

She is spinning around to face her station, but stops and faces Kirk once more.

"Captain?"

Jim and Spock, who left his station and is now at his bond-mate's side, focus their attention on the communications officer.

"Be careful and don't do anything too stupid."

Kirk is smart enough to know when someone is holding out an olive branch, the least he can do is accept it. This doesn't make them friends, but at least they're not enemies any more and that has to count for something.

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything since doing stupid things tends to work for me most of the time."

Nyota eyes go to Spock and she gives him a look that asks 'how do you put up with him?' Spock returns it with his ' I love the illogical human' look that Kirk would know anywhere.

Kirk clears his throat so that he is again the centre of attention.

"Sulu, you have the conn. If you see a chance to destroy that ship, take it. Even if we are still on board."

Sulu hesitates before giving a reluctant nod of his head.

"Yes, sir."

Kirk and Spock walk together to the lift and enter. Once they are inside, Jim grabs Spock by the back of his neck and pulls him into a passionate kiss. After a few moments, they move apart, in need of air. The Vulcan is looking at him with a question in his eyes.

"That was not a 'goodbye' kiss, if that is what you are wondering. It was simply a 'we are alone and I needed to kiss you' kiss."

Spock's lips tilt into a small grin as he gazes into his bond-mate's blue eyes.

"I am pleased to hear that seeing as you will not be leaving me and will have no need for goodbyes."

The conversation is cut short when they both spin to face the door as it hisses open. A very grumpy looking Leonard McCoy is blocking their exit. The older man starts waving his hand in front of him in an irratic manner.

"Just so you are both aware, I think you are out of your goddamn minds."

Spock's eyebrows lift at the doctor's outburst. Kirk just rolls his eyes at his best friends dramatics.

_'Bones is such a drama queen.'_

Spock expresses his agreement through the bond.

"Noted doctor. Now, if you would move, the Captain and I have a mission to complete."

McCoy steps aside to let them pass and then moves to walk beside his best friend. When the three men enter the transporter room, they find Scotty already at the terminal calibrating the machine.

Kirk and Spock climb up onto the beaming platform and attach their belts. They also check their weapons. McCoy stands nearby, watching them silently.

Mr Scott lifts his head form the controls to look at the captain and commander.

"If that ship makes any sense at all then I should be beaming you directly into the cargo bay. Should nae be a soul in sight."

Kirk nods at the Scot and then glances down at McCoy who has a worried expression on his face. Jim tries to give him a reassuring smile.

"I'll be back, Bones. Stop worrying so much. Would hate to see your pretty face covered in premature wrinkles."

The tension does not leave the doctor's face at that little joke.

"I'm not worried that you won't come back. I'm worried that you will come back in pieces, goddammit!"

Jim shrugs.

"Maybe, but I have you to put me back together."

Kirk looks to Scotty and nods.

"Energize."

As they disappear, Kirk spies Scotty giving them a small salute and he can't help but smile.

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Apparently the Romulan ship doesn't actually make any sense because instead of being beamed into a quiet cargo bay, Spock and Kirk materialise in an area that could be considered a depressing version of a recreation room.

They take cover as laser blasts begin filling the room and return fire. They manage to stun three pissed off Romulans, but another manages to allude them.

"I will meld with one of the fallen enemies. I request that you cover me."

Kirk is not happy with plan. He has no idea what melding with one of these psychos could do to Spock. He also doesn't want his husband being that intimate with anyone that is not him.

Spock seems to be picking up on Kirk's train of thought because Jim can feel the Vulcan send feelings of comfort, but also urgency, down their bond.

"We have no time to wait for those that were stunned to awaken so that we may question them and we cannot simply wander around looking for my counterpart's ship or Captain Pike. Melding is the quickest way to gather the information that we need."

Jim sighs and nods reluctantly. He knows this already but it doesn't mean he has to like it.

"Of course you're right. I'm just being silly. Go and I'll watch your back."

As Kirk switches his phaser to kill, Spock runs off and kneels next to the nearest unconscious Romulan. He is deep in the meld and doesn't notice the Romulan that escaped earlier is nearly upon him with a deadly looking blade. Luckily Kirk does see him and he kills the man before he reaches the Vulcan.

A few seconds later, Spock disconnects from the meld. His eyes widen when he spots the dead Romulan near his feet and he raises an eyebrow at Kirk, who is sprinting to where the Vulcan is waiting. Kirk just shrugs his shoulders at his bond-mate.

"What? I killed him before he could kill you. You would have done the same."

Spock's eyes soften in acceptance as he gazes at the blond.

"Indeed. Come. I know where the ship is and where they are holding Captain Pike."

Kirk gestures for Spock to take the lead.

"Lead the way, love."

They get to the future Spock's ship without any further incident, which makes Jim a nervous.

_'That seemed a little too easy, don't you think?'_

Spock doesn't answer the silent query because he is too distracted by the technology within the ship. The Vulcan walks up to the chamber that is holding the red matter and then scans the ship's interior again with a look of uncertainty.

"I do not know if I will be able to fly this ship. It is much more advanced then I was anticipating."

Both Kirk and Spock are startled when an automated voice fills the ship.

"**Voice identification accepted. Welcome back, Ambassador Spock."**

Both of Spock's eyebrows shoot off his face and Kirk smirks at his obviously surprised bond-mate.

"Well, that settles the question of if you can fly this thing, doesn't it... Ambassador?"

Spock glares at him but doesn't respond. He instead walks towards the cockpit and Jim follows close behind.

"Okay, so while you fly this thing and destroy the drill, I'll go find Pike and heroically rescue him. Sound about right?"

Spock turns from the ship's controls and looks at Kirk with a serious expression. He simply nods in agreement.

Kirk spins around to exit the cockpit and the ship, but Spock's voice has him spinning to face the Vulcan once more.

"I do believe it is possible for this plan to succeed but if it does not I wish for you to know..."

Spock's words are stolen from him when Kirk steps forward and presses a feather soft kiss to the Vulcan's lips. The blond man steps back and he and Spock look eyes.

"Tell me when we are back on the _Enterprise._"

Spock has no time to respond because Jim has run out the door and has exited the ship.

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Kirk is running in the direction of where Spock showed him Pike was being held. He comes to the end of the platform he is on and begins searching for a bridge so that he might get to the next platform.

A shout has him looking up and he spots none other than Nero staring down at him from higher ground.

Jim takes aim and prepares to shoot the man who has destroyed so many lives (his included), but a sudden sharp pain to the back of his head has him dropping his phaser and almost falling over the edge of the platform. A rough tug on his shirt has him stumbling backwards. Once he gets his bearings, he turns to face his assailant. An angry Romulan (Jim idly wonders if there is actually such thing as a happy Romulan) that he has never seen before is staring back at him with pure hatred in his eyes.

The sound of someone landing heavily on the metal ground has Jim spinning around again, only to have strong hands wrap around his neck and begin choking him. Nero throws him to the ground as if he weighs nothing and then the Romulan commander climbs on top of him and continues strangling the human.

"I recognised your face the moment I saw you on the bridge of that ship. According to Earth's history, James T. Kirk was a good man and an excellent bond-mate to our dear, dear Spock. It however did not show the true extent of your beauty. I may keep you as a pet."

Nero leers at Jim in a way that makes the human's skin crawl.

Kirk manages to lift his head slightly and spits into Nero's eye, showing him, in no uncertain terms, that he is not a fan of that idea. The Romulan snarls and his hands wrap tighter around the blond's neck. Kirk's hands scramble against Nero's trying to loosen the Romulan's grip, but Nero is too strong.

_'Pissing off an already murderous Romulan was probably not one of my best idea, but I sure-as-hell wasn't going to be one of his play things. No fucking regrets.'_

"Since you are so against belonging to me, then I will kill you. I will deprive you of your shining future just like I did your father and take away Spock's only chance for happiness in one single act."

Nero smirks down at Kirk.

_'I was wrong before. They can be happy, but only when they are being evil dickwads.'_

"Killing you will perhaps be my greatest act of revenge. Both your Vulcan and the one from my time will be devastated by the loss. Your death will bring me immense pleasure."

One of Nero's hands lets go of Jim's neck and he inhales what air he can. He is confused by the unexpected act of mercy until he feels the knife enter his side.

_'Ah, can't very well stab me with both hands around my neck. Very logical. They have more in common with Vulcans then I thought.'_

Kirk can feel Spock entering his mind and he finds that he is too weak to block the Vulcan from doing so. The Vulcan's panic rips through the bond when he feels Kirk's pain.

_'Hold on, t'hy'la. I have destroyed the drill and I am coming back for you.'_

Jim forcibly pushes Spock from his mind and mentally scolds his bond-mate.

_'No! Stick to the plan. I'll be fine.'_

A voice shouting from out of nowhere alerts Kirk to the fact that there is stuff in the real world he has to deal with before he can worry about his bond-mate.

"Captain, someone had stolen the ship with the red matter and they have destroyed the drill."

Nero looks up at the crew member who has just spoken and then glares back down at Kirk. Jim is smirking up at the tattooed freak and even though he is moments away from passing out from a lack of oxygen, he knows that Nero has realised the reason for his sudden cockiness.

Nero jerks away and releases Jim as if he has been burnt and then releases an inhuman howls.

"SPOCK!"

Nero gets to his feet and runs out of Kirk's sight. Jim somehow gets to his own feet and ends up standing in front of the Romulan from earlier.

"I am Ayel and I will be killing you in Nero's stead."

_'Wow. How fucking polite.'_

Jim goes to move, but his injuries and continued blood loss are making him slow and uncoordinated. Ayel's arm shoots out and grabs him by the neck.

_'Do all Romulans have a choking fetish or something. It's kinda getting ridiculous. Get a new fucking move?'_

The Romulan lifts Jim off of his feet and positions him over the edge. Kirk's hands grab for anything on this guy that he can use, but it seems that luck has finally left him.

"Look at you. So weak, so easily beaten. I do not understand the Vulcan's or Nero's fascination with you. You would be a worthless mate. You would break before any real enjoyment could be achieved."

Kirk rethinks his earlier observation regarding luck because his hand has just landed on the butt of the Romulan's gun. He makes some noises to distract the Romulan, as he lifts the gun gently out of the holster and points it at Ayel's stomach. He making sure not to make actual contact with the other man's body.

"The insect wishes to speak. What is it that you wish to say? What will be your last words?"

Kirk's blue eyes, which are shining with anger and determination, lock with Ayel's black ones.

"I have your gun."

Surprise overtakes Ayel's face at this declaration and as he looks down to confirm the statement, Kirk pulls the trigger. The Romulan stumbles back, dragging the human with him and lets go of Kirk. Jim's feet meet solid ground and for that, he is eternally grateful. Ayel makes a lunge for the blond, but he moves out of the way of the wounded alien, who ends up stumbling over the edge and falling into the darkness.

Kirk stands there a moment trying to catch his breath. He just wants to lay down and rest his bruised and beaten body, but he still has his part of the plan to complete. People are depending on him. Spock is depending on him.

With this in mind, Kirk begins running towards Pike's holding cell, praying that he doesn't run into any more Romulans because he wouldn't be able to fight off a fucking tribble in his current condition.

Jim enters the cell to find a barely conscious Pike laying prone on a dirty medical table. He begins unbuckling the older man's restraints.

"I'm gonna get you out of here, sir."

Pike just mumbles something that sounds like acknowledgement.

"Can you shift over a bit towards me so I can get the last strap?"

Pike does as asked and Kirk leans over the injured captain and loosens the strap. As he does so, he feels Ayel's gun, that he stole, get pulled from his belt and hears two shots fire from it. He turns sideways to discover Pike holding his gun and spins around to find two dead Romulans lying on the floor. Kirk's gaze returns to Pike, his expression one of complete awe. The older captain is still focused on the door just in case more Romulans decides to join them.

"You are so BAMF! Can I be you when I grow up?"

Pike's gaze never leaves the door but his lips turn up into a grin.

"Just get us out of here, you smart ass."

Kirk gets Chris off the table and to his feet, but the older man can't seem to stand or walk on his own. He gets Pike to lean heavily on him and they begin to make their way out of the cell. Just as they pass through the door of the room, the ship jolts violently.

"What's going on, son? Who is attacking the ship?"

Jim gets a better grip on the man next to him and picks up the pace, ignoring his body's screaming protests.

"It's the _Enterprise_, sir. And I believe that was our cue to leave."

They are now in the bowels of the ship. Kirk lift his communicator from his belt and informs Scotty that they are ready to be beamed back.

"**Aye, Captain. Won't be a moment. Just hold still, while I get a lock on Mr Spock's signal."**

Relief begins to was through Jim, but then it is suddenly overtaken but a feeling that can only be described as sad resignation. Those feelings are not his own.

_'Spock? Ashaya?'_

He can feel the sadness more keenly now that he is focusing on the link.

_'I am sorry, t'hy'la. I am faced with my own Kobayashi Maru and this is the only solution that ensures your safety. The device must be destroyed. Do not grieve for me.'_

In his mind's eye Kirk can see the huge Romulan ship straight ahead and a blinking screen that indicates that a collision course is immanent.

Jim snaps away from the bond and screams into the communicator.

"NOW SCOTTY! BEAM US UP NOW!"

Beams of light surround Pike and Kirk and moments later they are gone.

/

**Next chapter should be up on Friday.**

**Also, thanks for all the reviews. They are like oxygen!**


	12. Chapter 12

**This one is a bit smaller than the other chapters but it is still a good one.**

**Thank you CMM for being such a cool Beta. **

**I also just want to add that this story has become a bit of a monster. It's still not even close to done. I can't believe I got myself into this.**

**Enjoy.**

**Star Trek isn't mine.**

/

/

An eternity later, Kirk materialises on the transportation pad of the _Enterprise _(which is beginning to feel like a second home with all the time he has been spending in it lately) with Christopher Pike leaning heavily against him.

In his peripheral vision, Jim can see a flash of blue and his heart soars. He turns to his side to find Spock staring at him with an identical look of relief in his eyes.

Kirk's focus is ripped away from his lover when he feels the injured body in his arms being pulled from his grasp. He lets go when he sees that it is the medical team, led by McCoy, who is trying to treat the battered captain. Pike gets lifted onto a hover gurney and is pushed quickly towards Sickbay. Before the doctor races after them, he turns to Kirk and points a finger at the blond.

"The moment you are done with that crazy Romulan, I want you down in Sickbay."

His stern finger moves towards Spock, who lifts an eyebrow at the doctor's action.

"Both of you."

McCoy stomps from the room, shouting orders to the med team that is by this time halfway down the corridor. "Get some pressure on that knife wound to his throat, and get an IV started with saline and 25ccs of NuValium…"

The door closes and Kirk spins back around to face Spock with a glare, but the impact is lost when he winces slightly from the pain at his side. It takes all of his will-power not to lift his hand and clutch at the wound. He is so happy that his uniform is black, because least the spreading bloodstain doesn't show.

Spock moves closer to his bond-mate and reaches for him.

"T'hy'la, you are hurt. You must show me..."

It takes everything Kirk has not to simply collapse in Spock's arms and let his mate take over. Jim is exhausted, in pain, and longing for his bond mate's tender care, but his job isn't finished. He steps off the platform and away from Spock.

"No time Spock. We need to get to the bridge."

Kirk's eyes harden as the Vulcan looks ready to protest.

"Oh, and when we are finished with that crackpot Nero, we are going to be having a very long discussion about what you were thinking out there. You have some explaining to do."

Spock's gaze drops and he nods as he follows his bond-mate off the transporter pad. The two men walk up to Mr Scott, who is all but bouncing with excitement.

"I love this ship! Did ya see that? I've nae beamed three people from two locations onto one pad before. I'm sure it's a record or something. Admiral Archer's dog 'tis naught compared to this."

Kirk slaps the Scot on the shoulder with a grateful grin.

"You're a gift from God that's for sure, Scotty. Now get down to engineering. I'm sure we'll need you to pull another miracle out of your ass before this is over. Be prepared for the call."

Jim knows that Scotty will do as he is told, so he doesn't wait for an acknowledgement before he strides out of the transporter room and heads towards the bridge, Spock close on his heels.

As the doors of the turbolift close, Spock turns to Jim and once more reaches for him, his expression full of love and fear.

"Ashayam, I can feel your pain. Please, let me examine you. I need to know you are in no danger."

Jim can't risk it, not now. He's got to hold together—and keep Spock at arm's length—for just a little while longer. He steps away from Spock, but lays his hand gently on Spock's wrist, concentrating on sending love and reassurance, not pain and weakness, through their bond.

"We have no time for show and tell; besides it's just a scratch, love. We need to focus on Nero and then you can inspect me as much as you want."

Jim tries his best to make that last line sound like one of his famous come-ons, but he's so tired that he sounds more shaky than sexy.

Spock looks sceptical, but before he can say or do anything else, the lift doors open, and they're on the Bridge again. All previous thoughts and conversations fly out the window when they see the Romulan ship being torn apart and swallowed by a giant black hole.

Spock and Kirk move together to the view screen.

"Lt. Uhura, hail them."

Jim gives the order without taking his eyes off the doomed ship. The screen flashes and then the broken image of Nero fills Kirk's vision.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the _U.S.S Enterprise. _Your ship is damaged. You are too close to the singularity to survive without assistance, which we are willing to provide."

Spock's head snaps to Jim and pulls him aside, away from the screen.

"What are you doing, Ashayam? You would _save_ him?"

Jim locks gazes with Spock, wordlessly conveying his understanding of this reality.

"I know, love, but if we show them compassion, then we might be able to earn peace with the Romulans. It's logical. Your people honoured peace; they were gracious to fallen foes, and they would not want more blood shed simply for the sake of vengeance. Let me try, t'hy'la. Let me try to salvage something from this tragedy."

Slowly, Spock nods, but Jim can feel the conflict in his mate's heart. Spock has lost so much because of Nero.

_'At this moment in time, I do not seem to care about what is logical.'_

'_I know, love, but someday, you will be glad we tried.'_

Their focus is brought back to the view screen by Nero's enraged voice.

"I would rather suffer the death of Romulus a thousand times than accept assistance from Vulcan scum and his human dog. Rescue me, and my first act will be to plunge a knife into your throat, just as I did your noble Captain Pike."

Kirk stiffens, and his eyes harden at this.

_'If he wants no mercy then I'm not going to show him any fucking mercy.'_

"Understood, dickhead. I hope the Romulans believe in Hell, because that's where I'm sending you."

Uhura takes the hint and cuts the communication. Kirk turns to Sulu and gives him the command everyone has been secretly waiting for.

"Lock phasers. Fire everything we've got."

Kirk watches as his ship fires at the gigantic geometric cone of doom that is being destroyed by the black hole. He feels no guilt; Nero brought this on himself. He also feels Spock's satisfaction as the last of the Romulan ship disappears.

Jim is suddenly aware that the _Enterprise _is getting awfully close to the anomaly and a frisson of alarm runs through him.

"Get us out of here, Sulu. Maximum warp."

Sulu's panicked voice calls back to the Jim and delivers news that turns the blonde's blood to ice.

"We _are _at maximum warp, sir. The black hole is sucking us in."

Kirk runs to his chair, slamming into it and activates the comm unit on the armrest.

"Scotty, you know those miracles we were discussing earlier? Well, I need you to pull a really big one out right now. I'll pay for the surgery you might need afterwards."

Spock, who is back at is station, gives him an amused eyebrow lift before focussing again on his scanners.

"**I'm giving her all she's got, Captain."**

Jim looks up at the screen and sees the black hole getting closer. He tries to crush the fear that is threatening to overwhelm him.

"That's not good enough. We need more and we need it yesterday!"

He waits with clenched fists as he listens to the Scot pants over the conn, obviously running all over engineering trying to solve their current problem.

"**If I jettison the warp core, the explosion might be enough to push us free. It's a long shot, but it's also our only shot."**

Kirk can see the inner hull above them begins to crack. They have seconds left.

"Do it! Do it! DO IT!"

A few seconds later the warp core is shot into the back hole. The explosion is blinding. Kirk turns to Spock and prays silently to himself that they will get through this. He wants to touch his love one last time.

Jim feels the ship speed forward, pushed by the force of the blast, and he sighs in relief as they get further and further away form the anomaly.

Spock gives his bond-mate a Vulcans equivalent of a reassuring smile, which leads to Jim giving him a flashing grin of total relief.

Kirk hits the comm. link and speaks to Scotty again.

"Good work, Mr Scott. Hopefully that wasn't too painful. You might need to use a cushion to sit on for a while though."

"Aye, Captain."

The engineer chuckles and then hangs up on the blond.

Everyone on the bridge, except for Spock, are giving the current captain quizzical stares. Kirk simply shrugs.

"Inside joke."

The bridge crew seem to synchronize their eye rolls before turning back to their stations. Kirk addresses the helmsmen.

"Sulu, get us to the Earth starbase."

Spock steps up next to the command chair and rests his hand on the back of the seat. His warm fingers barely brush against Jim's neck. The human shifts further into the touch, wanting nothing more than to rest with Spock's hands gently stroking his skin forever.

_'I was worried we weren't going to make it for a minute back there.'_

Kirk closes his eyes for a moment as Spock continues his caresses.

_'I, too was nervous that we would meet our end in the black hole. I am pleased that my concerns were unfounded.'_

Jim's mental chuckle vibrates through the bond.

_'You could say that sending me to Delta Vega was actually a blessing. If I didn't go there then I would never have met Scotty and he would never have saved our bacon back there.'_

The moment Kirk sends that thought to Spock he knows he has made a mistake. Spock retreats from their link and his fingers disappear from Jim's skin. Kirk can feel Spock's powerful guilt resurface and hit his mind like a tsunami.

Immediately, Kirk realizes what's wrong, and he could kick himself. It's obvious that Spock has still not fully forgiven himself for the events of Delta Vega and by mentioning the incident Jim has managed to hurt his bond-mate... again.

Spock is retreating, his warmth, both physical and mental, is moving away from Jim. Suddenly, Jim can't stand it. He's cold, so cold. He has to get that warmth back. He's got to reassure Spock, to draw him closer again. He has to make it better, even if he has to do it in the middle of the bridge.

Jim jumps out of his seat and reaches for his mate.

"Spock!"

Suddenly, the blonde's vision blurs and he can't seem to focus on Spock's face or on anything actually. He's hit by a wave of sickening dizziness and he sways on his feet. Kirk turns to his chair, planning to sit back down until this passes, when he spots a big red patch on the seat. He suspects it is his blood. Curious, Jim's hand goes to his side and he comes into contact with wetness, confirming the fact that he has been bleeding continuously this whole time.

_'This is not good.' _

He thinks this, somehow detached from the issue.

_'I'm pretty sure I need that blood inside of me. I wonder if it is a bad sign that it doesn't hurt. __It used to hurt; I'm pretty sure it was hurting pretty bad for awhile.'_

Through the bond Jim can feel Spock's sudden spike of fear, and as if from a very long way away, he hears someone crying out, his name echoing through his head.

'_Must be Spock.' He's the only one who talks in my head.'_

Jim is proud of himself for figuring out that mystery.

Kirk wants to comfort his lover, so he lifts his hand, which seems to be getting heavier, towards the approaching blue blur that he knows to be Spock. The hand in front of him is red with his own blood.

_'That is definitely not good. Bones is going to kill me.'_

That's the last thought Jim has time for. His eyes roll back, and he collapses, never feeling the strong arms that catch him and hold him close, never feeling his mate's utter panic as Spock carries him from the Bridge.

/

/

**I have written the next two chapters but they have to be typed up and beta'd. I will be going back to one chapter a week. Real life has been kicking my arse lately.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Some things get sorted our between our boy, but don't worry there will be more drama to come.**

**Thank you to CMM for being my beta.**

**I don't own Star Trek (but maybe someday...)**

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As Kirk regains consciousness, he becomes aware of three things. One: heis in sickbay (again). Two: There is no pain (McCoy must have put him on the good stuff). And three: Spock is lying next to him on the bed, **o**ne arm carefully curled over Jim's torso as if Spock is afraid that without constant physical contact, Jim will disappear.

Jim can feel the Vulcan's heat seeping through his hospital gown and into his skin. Spock's body is pressed gently but firmly against his as if he is trying to both heal his wound with just his presence and protect him from further injury by using his body as a shield.

Kirk opens his eyes and turns his head to face his bond-mate who is lying on his side and sharing his pillow. Their eyes meet. Spock's are weary, deeply circled in black, but the light of love in them cannot be missed. Jim has the feeling that he looks about as wiped as Spock, but right now, he's not worried about himself. He's worried about his love.

"Hey, baby."

Spock shifts his head forward to place a light kiss on his husband's nose.

"Hello, my beloved. Are you felling better? You had me very worried."

Jim just nods as he continues to stare into beautiful brown eyes. He had heard the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul and he has never believed that more then when he looks into Spock's. Even when the Vulcan's face is unreadable (which is happening less and less), his eyes always give him away. He is always able to see the feelings of love, adoration, confusion, anger, hurt... hurt.

_'Shit! I nearly forgot.'_

Kirk's memories of the events before he collapsed come back to him. He remembers Spock's pain when he mentioned Delta Vega and he remembers Spock pulling away from him.

Jim pulls a hand from under the Starfleet issued sheets and lays it gently on his husband's cheek, feeling Spock immediately lean into his touch as if he's starved for it, which is probably true. They've had very little time to cuddle since Nero showed up and knocked the bottom out of their universe.

"I'm so sorry."

Spock places his own hand on top of Kirk's and squeezes it.

"You had a mission to complete and I do not believe you were fully aware of how serious your injuries were. I do not hold you responsible for my feelings of worry."

Kirk realises that Spock has misunderstood what he was apologising for. He wonders how that could be possible when they have the bond. He reaches out towards it with his mental hands, but the drug induced fog clouding his mind doesn't allow him to find it.

_'Bones must have me on the _really _good stuff. __Hooray__ Bones!'_

Jim manages to jerk his mind back in the right direction. He's getting off topic here; the joys of happy pills can wait. He needs Spock to know _why_ he's apologizing. He needs his husband to know that he is sorry.

"I'm not sorry for getting hurt and you should know that it will probably be a common occurrence in the future. A day is not complete if James T. Kirk is not maimed in some way by the fucking universe."

Right on cue Kirk can see the confusion in Spock's face.

_'It must be hard for a logical Vulcan to be mated to an irrational human full of irrelevant ramblings.'_

he thinks this with an inner grin.

"Then what was the reason for your apolo..."

"I'm sorry about bringing up Delta Vega. I wasn't trying to rub your face in it. I was just making a little joke to lighten the mood. I should have known you weren't ready for that. I never meant to hurt you."

Jim manages to find Spock's hand and squeeze it gently.

"I'm so sorry, love. Sorry for everything that's happened, whether I could control it or not."

The confusion has left the Vulcan's face and now love (and a small amount of embarrassment) takes its place.

"I also wish to apologise. I could feel through the link we share that your statement had no malicious intent, yet I still overreacted. I am sorry for letting my emotions override my logic."

Kirk moves closer to Spock and presses a chaste kiss on the Vulcan's soft lips.

"Apology accepted. Now what about me?"

Jim sticks out his bottom lip in a pout and the corner of Spock's mouth twitches, that tiny, almost unseen smile that only Jim ever receives.

"I also accept your apology, ashayam."

The human pulls away abruptly and lays his head back on the pillow and his playful expression leaves him. The drugs are starting to wear off and other memories begin to surface. The most troubling of them is Spock's nearly successful attempt at sacrificing himself.

"Now that all of that ho-ha has been cleared up, maybe you could explain to me what you were thinking when you decided to fly other Spock's ship up Nero's ass…with you still inside of it."

Jim's voice is suddenly harsh with pain and remembered worry, but maybe this will help Spock realise how not okay he is with his lover's suicidal tendencies.

Spock's eyes widen for a moment, obviously taken aback at both the change of topic and Jim's tone of voice. The shock lasts for a moment and then it is replaced with shame and Spock's gaze becomes downcast. The Vulcan knows exactly what his bond-mate is talking about.

"After destroying the drill, I came to discover that I had no way of destroying the red matter. The ship I was piloting could only be flown manually. The only logical solution I could come up with was to fly into Nero's ship, ridding this universe of red matter and Nero in a single action. My life would have been a small price to pay to ensure the safety of the universe."

Jim cups Spock's face in his hands, forcing him to meet Jim's eyes. Jim's gaze hardens as he stares at Spock, letting him see the fear and the fury at the thought of losing his mate.

"I would happily see this universe destroyed ten times over if it meant I could keep you. I would let every universe in existence be wiped out if it meant you would be alive. I know it's selfish; I know it's wrong to think that way. But I don't care. _I don't care_. God, Spock. If you had died I wouldn't have been able to go on. I would have found a way to follow you."

Jim bows his head, a tear slipping down his cheek and then another. His shoulders shake slightly as the reaction to the events of the last few days finally sinks in. Spock gently slips an arm around Jim and pulls him close until the human's head is lying on his shoulder. He gently wipes away an errant tear from Jim's face.

Spock's voice becomes soft and tender. "I would have followed you as well, ashaya. If you had died, I too would have found a way to go after you. I am sorry; I never meant to cause you such anguish."

He lays his cheek against Jim's hair.

"So I am glad that Mr Scott was able to save me. He is truly a competent engineer, albeit an unorthodox one. "

Kirk gives him a watery chuckle.

"Yeah, he's bat-shit crazy. Damn Spock, when did we become a Shakespearean cliché?"

Spock's eyes shine in amusement as he watches a smile form on his mate's face.

"When we first met, I believe. Does your lightened mood mean that you have forgiven me, Ashayam?"

Jim laughs again and this time it is with no trace of tears. He leans forward and places his lips against Spock's. He can feel that the drugs have worn off enough that he can now converse with his Vulcan lover mentally, which leaves his mouth free for more fun activities.

_'I could never stay mad at you, but don't even think about pulling another stunt like that again, love.'_

To emphasis his statement, Kirk bites down on Spock's bottom lip hard enough to bruise. Spock gasps into his mouth in a mix of pain and pleasure. One green tinted hand crawls over the blonde's flat stomach and the other cradles the back of Kirk's head. The Vulcan is so close now that he is almost on top of his human bond-mate.

_'I do not know why I would perform that 'stunt' again, unless you have become aware of another mentally unbalanced Romulan from a parallel universe, who is possession of red matter.'_

One of Jim's hands come up and pinches the tip of Spock's ears. The Vulcan gasps again, and Jim feels a wave of lust and pleasure, both his and Spock's run through him.

_'No one likes a smart ass, Ashaya.'_

Spock is about to reply, but instead they are startled apart by the angry shout of one Dr. Leonard McCoy, who has entered the room while they were preoccupied.

"Goddammit! I'm a doctor, not a madam of a brothel. Get out of that bed this minute Spock, before I pull you out and drop you on your hobgoblin ass."

Spock disentangles himself from Kirk and gets begins getting out of the bed. As Jim watches his significant other climb out of bed, he is sure he hears the Vulcan mumble "I would like to see you try." He uses all his willpower to not smile at this. The look on McCoy's face tells him that smiling would not go down well at all.

Spock is finally on his feet and standing next to the bed. He is taking part in yet another glaring contest with the doctor.

_'How many does this makes now? One bajillion?'_

Spock spares Kirk a sideways glance before re-entering the fray.

_'That is not an actual numeric value, t'hy'la.'_

Kirk just rolls his eyes.

"I let you in here so that you could make him more comfortable, not so you could molest him while he is still recovering."

Spock stiffens at this accusation and Jim can see the Vulcan's fists clench at his side. He decides to jump in before he finds himself down one best friend.

"Calm down, Bones. You can't molest the willing. If anyone was being a molester, it was me."

McCoy's posture seems to relax at this, which means Spock also relaxes minutely.

"Be that as it may, I do believe that you have duties to attend to that don't include mooning over Jimmy boy here. Am I right, Mr Spock?"

Kirk glares at his friend, but it seems that this once Spock hasn't taken offence. He actually seems to agree with the doctor.

"You are correct, Dr McCoy. We will be reaching Earth Base One in two hours and I must oversee preparations for the changeover."

Spock bends down and places a small kiss on Jim's forehead.

"I will see you once my duties are completed, dearest t'hy'la."

Just to piss off McCoy, Jim winds his arms around Spock's neck and pulls his mate close, giving him a kiss that leaves them both flushed and panting for air.

'_You still owe me that bed, giant jar of lube, and week's worth of time, love. I'll collect; I promise you.'_

They pull apart and Jim smiles at his mate.

"Go take care of the ship."

Spock nods and leaves the room. Jim's gaze then goes to McCoy and his eyes narrow.

"You didn't have to be so mean to him. I thought you two were finally getting along."

McCoy releases a deep sigh and his shoulders slump a little.

"I'm sorry, alright. I needed an outlet and I knew he could take it. We just lost so many people. I nearly lost you... multiple times."

The hardness leaves Jim's eyes as he looks into his best friend's tired and frustrated face.

"How many people did we lose?"

The question seems to further crumble the doctor's stiff façade. McCoy moves to sit on the edge of Kirk's bed. He rubs his hand over his stressed face before answering the blonde.

"Too many. Too goddamn many. And let's not forget all the officers and cadets on the ships that were blown apart by that psychotic Romulan. I don't know how Starfleet will overcome that sort of loss."

Kirk moves to sit upright in his bed so that he can be in a better position to offer comfort to his friend. But as he reaches out to lay a hand on the doctor's shoulder, the buzzer announces that there is someone at the door.

McCoy leaps to his feet and calls for the visitor to enter.

Kirk suddenly is frozen in a fear that even Nero couldn't induce when Amanda Grayson steps purposely into the room.

McCoy's eyes bounce between the elegant, middle-aged woman and his best friend. He shifts on his feet showing how uncomfortable he is with the tension filling the area surrounding them. He moves to the door, ignoring Jim's subtle attempts at grabbing his sleeve. The doctor bows his head to Amanda.

"He's all yours, ma'am."

Kirk shoots his so-called best friend a death glares that screams 'traitor', but McCoy just shrugs unapologetically before walking out the door.

Jim looks over to Amanda as she moves to the chair next to his bed and takes a seat. Her face is unreadable, which really shouldn't surprise Kirk because she is married to and has birthed a Vulcan. Of course she would have a fantastic poker face.

"How are you feeling, James?"

Kirk looks down at his hands, which are fiddling with a loose strand from his blanket and then lifts his gaze to meet hers once more.

"Much better. Bones fixed me up and put me on the top shelf drugs."

Jim can see that Amanda is struggling not to crack a smile at his comment from the way the corner of her mouth is twitching. He counts it as a small victory.

"I am pleased to hear it."

Her face turns absolutely serious again. Kirk squirms.

"Spock explained to me how you ended up on Delta Vega. He got a good tongue lashing for that lapse in judgement."

Kirk smirks at this. He has forgiven Spock, but the idea that his husband has to live through a scolding from his mother is just too perfect for words. The smirk soon leaves him though when Amanda's eyes narrow at him.

"Spock also explained to me the reasons why you said what you said on the bridge. I understand that it needed to be done, but if you ever talk to my son like that again, I will cut you into tiny pieces and feed you to our family's shelat. James, I love you like a son and that is why I am giving you this warning."

Jim gulps audibly and nods his head, showing that he understands his mother in-law perfectly. The older woman's eyes soften and she leans forward to pat the slightly frightened man on the leg.

"There is another reason I came to see you. T'Pau wishes all Vulcans from her clan to stay at the Vulcan Embassy when we arrive at Earth. She believes they must immediately start planning what must be done next. She also wishes to lead a group meditation to help control the grief."

Kirk indicates that he is with her so far and she continues on.

"It will also be beneficial to have them in one place so that they can be debriefed. It will probably take no longer than 2 weeks, but you will have to be separated from Spock for that time. Even your bond will be shielded."

Jim tries to keep his disappointment from showing, but the look of sympathy he gets from the older woman tells him that he has failed.

"I, of course, cannot attend either. I will use that time to visit relatives in Montreal. You are welcome to join me."

Kirk's hand comes to rest over Amanda's and he squeezes it lightly, while he shakes his head.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'd prefer to stay close to base."

'Close to Spock' was left unsaid but both humans knew that it didn't need to be.

"I might bunk with Bones. I know I could stay in the apartment, but it will be too lonely without Spock. I think I will just spend those two weeks annoying Bones like old times. Time will fly by that way."

Amanda laughs and raises her other hand to her son in-law's cheek.

"An excellent plan. Now, rest my dear James. We will be arriving at the base soon, and you will need your energy."

Amanda's hands leave him and he lies back down on the bed. The older woman sits in her chair watching Jim with affection shining in her eyes as he drifts back off to sleep.

/

**The next few chapters will be set during the time before the graduation. I never liked how the movie skipped over such a huge chunk of time and left many things unexplained. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Here is some angst. You didn't really think their problems were over yet? Silly readers :P**

**Thank you to CMM for being a fantastic Beta.**

**I don't own Star Trek.**

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The first week after they arrive back on Earth is a whirlwind of press conferences, debriefings and memorial services. By the end of it, Kirk is quite envious of Spock, who is excused from all of it in order to go to the Vulcan Consulate and participate in the grief process with his people. The Vulcan was only required to electronically send his reports to HQ. Jim has had to go to every fucking meeting, no matter how small and even if it didn't relate to him in the slightest. Apparently being the hero of the hour means never getting to blow off a meeting. Jim is bored, restless, and lonely, so lonely for his mate that he can hardly bear it. He hopes that Spock feels the same, yet at the same time he hopes Spock isn't too miserable.

'_I ought to be with him. I don't give a damn about Vulcan privacy and all that happy bullshit. He needs me.'_

Kirk felt his bond-mate's absence both mentally and physically, and he still has a week to go. It seems like ten years.

He had gotten to say goodbye to Spock on the base before the Vulcans boarded the shuttle for Earth, but because he was still recovering and because they were standing in front of what is left of Vulcan royalty, they could not say their farewells the way in which they wished. A quick press of fingers and a mental confession of love were all they got before Spock lifted his shields and boarded the transport. At that moment, Jim felt like an abandoned puppy, empty, desolate, and cold with loneliness.

If it wasn't for McCoy and Gaila, Kirk is sure he would have gone mad. Even Uhura helped him out during the press conferences.

_'I'm just so happy that all that shit is over and I can spend this coming week relaxing before I meet up with Spock. I will need my energy for all the things I have planned.'_

Kirk is startled out of his musings by a pillow hitting him in the face. He opens his eyes and stares up from his horizontal position on his bed to find McCoy glaring down at him with his hands on his hips.

"You have done nothing all day and you choose now to take a cat nap? You have a meeting with Pike, and you are going to be late if you don't leave right now."

The blonde sighs and rises from the bed to his feet as slowly as possible, just to piss his best friend off. The twitch of the older man's jaw is evidence enough that he successfully reached that goal.

"It's just Pike. He won't care if I'm a little late."

McCoy shoves Kirk's cadet jacket at him with more force then is necessary and then points an angry finger at the younger man.

"This meeting could be where you find out if you will actually be graduating with us or being kicked out on your ass because of that damn test. I really think being late is not in your best goddamn interest."

Kirk stiffens as he remembers that yes, the Admiralty had spent the day discussing his future in Starfleet.

_'Of course they would get Pike to tell me that I'm being expelled. They know I respect him too much to cause a scene... well a big scene.'_

McCoy smirks as he watches Jim's eyes widen in panic. The younger cadet glares at the doctor for moment before he sprints for the door. When it opens, he finds Gaila standing on the other side preparing to enter her door code. Jim smiles at her and pats her arm as he passes.

"Bones is being a bitch. I think he needs some sex or at the very least a blow job. For God's sake, do me a favour and jump him before I get back. I know it's a lot to ask, but…"

The Orion gives him a Starfleet perfect salute.

"I'm on it. Just leave it to me."

Jim lets loose a chuckle as he begins walking down the hallway.

_'Trust Gaila to finally act like a proper officer when sex is involved. Imagine how good she will be on diplomatic missions. There would be no more wars... ever.'_

This thought keeps him thoroughly entertained as he travels to Christopher Pike's office.

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

"Take a seat, Cadet Kirk."

Kirk nods at Pike and sits down in the chair in front of the captain's desk, trying with all his might not to fidget.

"So, what the verdict, sir?"

Kirk winces at the nervousness he can hear in his voice, and his heart sinks as he stares into Pike's excellent poker face.

_'The guy is giving nothing away. I don't know if that is good news or bad news.'_

"Well son, it seems that the Admiralty didn't have to pass down a verdict regarding the hearing because Cadet Uhura, who made the official complaint, withdrew it and suggested you be given a commendation instead."

Shock takes over Jim's face as he watches his mentor's lips form a smile.

"She what?"

His voice comes out higher then he would like, but he thinks he could be excused for it seeing as how this was the last thing he expected Uhura to do. Yes, they were now on friendlier terms, but they are not friends... not yet. Wounds are still too fresh for that, but maybe with time they can actually learn to get along. And if Pike's telling the truth, this is a _big_ first step.

Pike's smile just widens when he hears the disbelief from the cadet before him.

"She recommended that you receive a commendation for your ingenuity, which we have decided to award you. There is also something else. Command has made a decision about your future after graduation."

Kirk slumps back in his chair with a mixture of relief and uncertainty.

"I don't know if my heart can take any more, sir."

Pike leans forward until his elbows are pressed against the desk and his eyes, which are shining with humour, bore into Kirk's.

"You are going to have to deal with it son, because you need to be told. As you know, I have been promoted to admiral..."

Kirk cuts in before Chris can continue.

"Congratulations on that, sir. I would have said something earlier but I have been a little busy. Number One must be so proud. I am so happy for..."

Pike scrunches up a piece of paper and throws it at Kirk's head. It is successful in shutting up Jim's ramblings.

"I didn't call you here to stroke my ego, Kirk. Shut up and let me finish."

Jim's gaping mouth slams shut and he nods.

"Now, since I have been promoted, the _Enterprise _is going to be without a captain, which is just wrong. That ship deserves a captain."

Kirk's face floods with adoration at the mention of the _Enterprise_.

"She is a beautiful ship, sir. Anyone would be lucky to captain her. So, who is getting that sliver lady?"

Pike sighs in exasperation.

"If you would shut your mouth for a moment then I will tell you. How does Spock put up with you? It would be like living with a Chatty Cathy doll, and Vulcans hate motor-mouths."

Kirk makes a point of 'zipping' his lips with his fingers and this seems to please Pike enough for him to continue on.

"I was asked by the other Admirals who I would want to replace me and I put your name forward. The decision was made today. Congratulations, Captain Kirk."

Kirk's whole body seems to be frozen in place. His blue eyes snap to Pike's gray ones, which are shining with barely suppressed amusement.

"Wait, what?"

Pike laughs at the blonde's surprise. He was obviously expecting this reaction and he isn't disappointed.

"At the graduation ceremony, which will take place in a **week's** time, you will be officially promoted to captain and I will personally be giving command of the _Enterprise _over to you. Not bad, Jim. From cadet on double-secret probation to captain of the Fleet's flagship? No, not bad at all. I think I can safely say you've done your father one better."

Kirk is sitting in his chair, slack-jawed. Of all the things he had imagined Pike saying, this didn't even make a guest appearance onto the list. Pike laughs again at the gaping fish look on Kirk's face.

"I wish I had a vid recorder. James T. Kirk is at a lost for words. This is truly an historic moment. It's like being at the first moon launch."

Jim doesn't take the bait. He just continues to sit there and stare at the man that has been like a father to him and who has just given him the greatest gift ever (not including Spock's love).

The humour on Pike's face disappears and is slowly being replaced with concern.

"Are you alright, son? Did I break you? I think Spock will kill be if that is the case, not to mention what Command will do when they find out I've messed up their new poster boy for decisive action."

The mention of Spock's name seems to be enough to pull Kirk out of his semi-comatose state, and he finally blinks and remembers to breathe.

'_Spock! Oh, ashaya, you won't believe this! Oh, God, if I could only tell you right now!'_

"Yeah, I'm good... I think. My brain just sort of stalled there for a minute, sir."

Chris smiles again in relief and wheels himself around the desk in his wheelchair until his is situated next to Kirk's seated form. He reaches out and pats the younger man on the shoulder.

"That's understandable. Go back to your room and allow yourself time for it to sink in. You have permission to tell family and close friends, but don't go overboard. No poising for Interstellar Cosmo or appearing on TMZ. Also, I want a list of people you want on your crew. No rush, it's not due until the day after graduation. That gives you a week, more than enough time if you go and get started now."

Kirk nods in acknowledgement and rises from his seat, still in an utter daze of happiness and walks to the door but halts when Pike's amused voice calls out to him.

"Goodbye, son. Don't walk into any walls on your way back."

Kirk lifts his hand at the newly appointed admiral and gives a backwards wave as he steps through the exit.

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McCoy automatically assumes the worst when Kirk walks into the dorm room they have been sharing for a week, looking like a stunned mullet. The doctor jumps from the bed he is lounging on with Gaila and steps up to his normally energetic friend and grabs him by the upper arms.

"My god man! What happened? No, don't tell me. They threw you out. Those goddamn sons of bitches have kicked you out, even though you saved Earth! I'm going to go down there and shove my foot right up their..."

McCoy's angry rantings are cut off when Kirk slowly begins to shake his head. The blonde's voice comes out soft and steady.

"They made me a captain, Bones, and they're giving me the _Enterprise. _She's mine."

McCoy's eyes go comically wide, and then Kirk suddenly finds himself engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.

"I don't know how you did it, but you fucking did it. You're a goddamn captain, you oversized juvenile delinquent, you!"

For some reason, hearing it come out of McCoy's mouth makes it finally hit home for Jim and an Earth shattering smile breaks across his face. It only seems to get wider as he feels a second pair of arms encircle him from behind.

"Oh Jimmy! I'm so proud of you. You are going to be a fantastic captain."

Kirk basks in the warmth of his friends' love for a few more moments before he decides he needs to end the hug so he can send a message to Spock telling him the news.

"Uh guys, if you aren't going to make this worth my while by moving this little party to the bed, then could you maybe let me go, so I can breathe?"

McCoy's arms and hands leave him immediately as he mutters "You're a pig," but Gaila continues to hang on. Jim might be imagining it, but it feels as though the Orion is shuffling him towards the bed. However, she stops and lets go when McCoy glares threateningly at her.

"What? Did you actually think I would turn down the chance to be in a threesome with you two? Any girl would give her right arm and left breast to be the meat in that sandwich. Besides, I've never done it with a captain before."

McCoy just continues to glare are her. She turns to Kirk with a pout on her lips.

"Sorry, Jimmy. Apparently my boyfriend is a total prude."

She pauses for a moment as if remembering something, and then she gives the blond a cheeky grin.

"Well, maybe not a total prude."

Kirk chuckles as he sees McCoy blush, and he ruffles the Orion's red hair.

"It is probably for the best, babe. I don't think my Vulcan husband would be **too** happy with any of us if we went through with it."

Gaila nods her head in agreement at his statement.

"I forgot about him for a moment. I think we made the right decision. Death by Vulcan possessive rage is never fun."

McCoy speaks up, louder then needed, before this disturbing conversation can go on.

"Speaking of the hobgoblin, have you told him yet?"

Kirk shakes his head.

"I just found out myself. I still can't comm him because of the stupid rules T'Pau put in place, but I'm going to sit down and send him a message right..."

The sound of a buzzer going off has all three cadets spinning to face the door. Kirk moves towards it and when it opens he discovers an unknown Vulcan waiting patiently in the corridor. The Vulcan is holding a PADD and a data chip in his hand. He gives Jim a once over and then addresses him.

"Delivery for James T. Kirk from the Vulcan Embassy. Please sign here."

The Vulcan thrusts the PADD in front of Kirk and the blonde quickly does what he is told. He is then handed the data chip and the Vulcan messenger leaves without another word.

Jim rushes back into the room excitedly and grabs his PADD off his bed and inserts the chip. He is hoping it is a message from Spock. He wants to drink in Spock's love and concern, even if it's only on a PADD. Maybe he can send a return message, tell Spock that they're getting the Enterprise, and… he scans over the contents on his screen, while McCoy and Gaila watch on. Suddenly, Jim goes deathly white and the PADD falls from his hands onto the floor.

McCoy and Gaila move towards him and the older man grabs Jim's shoulders, as colour continues to drain from Kirk's face until he is whiter than the walls around them.

"Jim! Jim, what is it? What's wrong? Has something happened? Is Spock all right? Is he hurt?"

Kirk's legs can't support him any longer and so he falls to his knees on the carpeted floor, slipping from McCoy's grasp. Both of his friends follow him down and kneel beside him, exchanging confused and anxious glances.

The Orion's hand rests itself hesitantly on Jim's arm.

"Jimmy, you're scaring us. Tell us what was on that data chip."

Kirk turns to face Gaila and she gasps at the sight of him. Tears are trailing down Jim's cheeks and his eyes are filled with nothing but disbelief, despair and sorrow. The happy, excited young captain is gone. In his place is a fragile wreck.

"It was from Spock."

The blond cadet's voice cracks with emotion. He swallows a few times until he is sure he can continue speaking. McCoy and Gaila just watch and wait patiently.

"He sent me a copy of his application to the Vulcan High Council, which requests our bond be dissolved."

The man and woman next to Kirk stare at him in confusion. McCoy is the first to gather his wits and voice his question directly.

"Dissolved? What exactly does that mean, Jim?"

Kirk whimpers and then turns to the doctor, with fresh tears falling from his eyes. His entire soul is screaming in pain, agony slicing through him like red-hot knives. He can barely speak, barely see. All he can see is Spock, his only love, his once and forever soul-mate, walking away into the mist forming in Jim's mind as he forces himself to speak the words that will destroy him.

"It means that Spock wants a divorce. He's leaving me, Bones. Oh, God, he swore we'd be together forever, but he lied. He lied!"

/

**Sorry for the cliffy. To make it up to you, I will post the next chapter in a couple of days.**


	15. Chapter 15

**The reviews for the last chapter were awesome! I am so happy that I was able to mess with so many minds!  
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**As promised, another chapter. Sorry, but if you are expecting this chapter to make every better, you will be very disappointed.**

**CMM is an amazing Beta and really helped me up the pain in this chapter.**

**Star Trek isn't mine.**

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Somehow Gaila and McCoy managed to get Jim seated on the bed, where he sits with his face buried in his hands, curled almost into a ball, trying to stay calm, trying to figure this out. Again and again, he reaches for Spock through their bond, his whole soul crying _'Spock, ashaya, please! Listen to me. Talk to me! Whatever's wrong, I'll fix it; I'll change it. For God's sake, don't do this to me, to us!'_ But it's no use. There's nothing there but Spock's shields, high and impenetrable, as impossible to breach as a dragon-guarded castle.

"What do you mean I can't talk to him? Put Spock on the goddamn comm. NOW!"

Kirk lifts his head and turns to McCoy, who is screaming in the comm unit at an Embassy employee. Gaila is standing next to where her boyfriend is seated, with her arms crossed over her chest and glaring at the screen.

"**That will be quite impossible Mr McCoy because..."**

"It's Dr McCoy, you cold, green-blooded hobgob..."

Jim winces at his best friend's choice of words knowing that the man is not doing him any favours, but he cannot seem to summon the energy needed to stop him. Kirk buries his head in his hands again, but keeps his ears open to the conversation going on around him.

"**My apologies... Dr McCoy. As I was saying, I cannot retrieve Mr Spock because, not only is the hour late, but also he expressly stated that he will not talk to anyone outside of the Embassy."**

McCoy growls in frustration at the Vulcan on the screen.

"Not even his goddamn bond-mate?"

There is a long pause and a hesitant hope begins to rise within Kirk,

_'He might be willing to talk to me after all.'_

Those hopes are dashed when Jim hears the next words exit the comm speakers.

"**Especially not his bond-mate. Peace and long life, Dr McCoy."**

Before the doctor can snarl his response, the connection is cut and the screen goes black. A moment passes and then Jim feels the mattress under him shift as someone settles next to him. He glances up to see that it is Gaila. She obviously wants to hug him, but is (for once) holding herself back.

Kirk sighs at her hesitation.

"Go ahead, babe. It's not like Spock will get pissy with me for smelling like you any more."

With that, all the times that Spock had growled at him about Gaila, all the times Jim had felt his bond mate's possessive, unfailing love, flash through Jim's mind. Now it wouldn't matter. Spock didn't care any more. Maybe…maybe he'd never cared at all. Maybe their entire relationship had been a lie, a sick joke, a way for Spock to sow his wild oats before meekly returning to the Vulcan fold. An hour ago, Jim would have laughed if anyone had told him he'd be thinking like this. But it wasn't funny now. Jim realizes that he may never laugh again.

The Orion throws herself at Kirk and embraces him. Jim half-heartedly returns the hug.

"Fucking green-blooded computers, the lot of them! When I get my hands on Spock, I'm gonna rip off his ears and turn them into a set of goddamn cuff links. I'm gonna shave his head, tie his dick into a knot, and tattoo 'hobgoblin' on his ass. And then I'm going to get mean!"

Gaila and Kirk break their hug, but Gaila loosely holds Jim's hand in hers as they watch McCoy pace in front of them, quickly working himself up into a rage. It might be funny if he wasn't so deadly serious.

"What is that hobgoblin thinking? What could possibly make him think that leaving you is the _logical _thing to do?"

McCoy and Gaila are facing Jim and looking at him like he alone can uncover the motivations behind Spock's actions. Usually, they would be right, but this time he is just as lost as they are. He shrugs his shoulders and then they slump pathetically as his gaze locks with the older man.

"I don't know, Bones. Everything was fine before he left for the embassy. For the first time, in a long time, I have no fucking idea what he is thinking. I _thought_ I knew him. I _thought_ I could trust him. Oh, God, I _thought _he loved me!"

During this speech, Jim's voice gains an almost hysterical tone to it. McCoy hears it and the anger that has controlled his features disappears and concern takes its place. He kneels down next to Jim and puts a gentle hand on his knee, trying to find words, trying to give his friend some hope before Jim Kirk breaks completely. Just then, the comm. link whistles, and all three jerk as the sound hits their ears.

McCoy straightens up and stomps over to answer the call.

"It's probably the pointy-eared bastard realising he made the biggest mistake in the universe and ready to beg for your forgiveness."

Kirk is less optimistic. He knows that when Spock sets his mind to something, he is not easily persuaded to abandon it. And that place inside his head where 'Spock' has lived for more than a year, is still a cold, dark, blank. Spock is gone. He's never coming back.

"**Where is James? Could you please get him for me, Leonard? It is urgent that I speak with him. I must ensure that he is okay.**"

McCoy scoffs at this and glares at the screen.

"That's rich! Why should I let you talk to Jim when it is your son demanding a goddamn divorce? You have a lot of nerve after..."

Kirk gets up off the bed and pushes McCoy away from the comm. screen before his friend gets his head bitten off by his mother in-law. McCoy grumbles, but says nothing more as he moves to stand behind Jim in silent support, one hand on his shoulder, ready to defend Jim from the universe.

"Hello, Amanda. I hope you're enjoying your vacation in Montreal."

Jim's voice is a monotone, utterly flat, but his face is still paper-white, and his eyes are filled with tears that he can't even feel.

Amanda looks him up and down and it is evident that what she sees does not please her. Her frown deepens and tears begin forming at the corner of her eyes.

"**Oh, my dear James. So it is true. I did not want to believe that my son was capable of this, but the moment I looked into your eyes, you confirmed it. Spock **_**has**_** requested that your bond be broken."**

Kirk just nods. A lump in his throat makes it impossible for him to speak.

"**Have you tried speaking with him? You have always been able to break through Spock's Vulcaness and make him deal with his emotions."**

Kirk clears his throat and goes to speak, but McCoy's voice, filled with barely contained rage, beats him to it.

"Your stubborn ass son won't talk to any of us. He specifically requested that all of our calls, especially Jim's, be refused. He's sealed himself off on the grounds of the Vulcan embassy like a nun in a goddamned convent. He's broken Jim's heart and walked away."

Amanda sighs and massages the bridge of her nose in the same way Spock does when he hears something that upsets or frustrates him. It makes Jim heartsick just watching her.

"**Then we must go to him, I am on my way back to San Francisco as we speak. I should arrive in the morning. I will come and collect you and we will go to the embassy together."**

Kirk gives her a small smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Okay. It sounds like a plan."

_'It doesn't matter. Nothing matters now.'_

The older woman's eyes narrow at her son in-law's lack of enthusiasm.

"**Don't you dare give up, James. This isn't over, not by a long shot. We **_**will **_**stop Spock from going through with this insanity. Be ready by 10am because I will be at you door to pick you up. Try to get some rest, my son."**

Jim nods, since that lump in his throat has returned, and he waves good-bye to Amanda, good-bye to his happiness, good-bye to his life. He doesn't stop until the comm. screen is blank once more.

McCoy pats Jim on the shoulder and lets loose a whistle of appreciation.

"That is one hell of a woman, but I guess you would have to have balls of steel to put up with Vulcans."

Kirk doesn't respond. He just stares unseeingly at the comm. unit in front of him, wondering how on Earth he is going get any rest tonight—or ever again.

'_I wish I could just lie down and die.'_

Slowly, feeling like an old man, he rises from his seat. McCoy looks at him sharply and then gently takes him by the elbow, steering him over to the bed.

"Come on, kid," he says quietly. "I'm going to give you something to make you sleep. You've got to have your wits about you when you go to the Embassy tomorrow. You can't give up, Jim, not now. You've got to reach him somehow. You've got to fight for him."

Jim, who hates hypos worse than cobras, lies back obediently and doesn't even flinch when McCoy presses one against his neck. Oblivion comes quickly, but not soon enough. Jim can still remember what's happened. Spock is gone.

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Just as she promised, Amanda picks Jim up at 10am sharp. He says a quick goodbye to McCoy and Gaila, who have identical worried expressions on their faces, and walks with the older woman to the car waiting for them. Jim holds the door for Amanda and then climbs in next to her, still wrapped in that peculiar cold blanket of non-feeling that he's felt ever since he woke in the middle of the night, McCoy's hypo worn off. Jim had stared into the darkness for hours, searching every part of his mind and soul for Spock, finding nothing. Jim's mate truly has left him—in every way.

"Jim, don't worry. We'll figure this out. Sweetheart, remember Spock's lost most of his family, most of his culture. He's in shock. I know that's all this is. He'll see you; you'll talk to him, and it will be all right."

Amanda says this in a gentle soothing voice, but Jim simply turns to stare out the window, unaffected.

"Whatever you say."

The ride to the embassy is made in silence, but Amanda offers Jim comfort by holding his hand and gently squeezing it every time his leg jiggles, which shows his growing nervousness.

The middle aged woman releases Kirk's hand the moment they enter the embassy, but continues to stay close to her son in-law as they make their way over to the front desk. They young Vulcan woman stationed behind the desk stands and bows to them both. If she is shocked to see them then her face betrays none of that shock.

"Lady Amanda, I was led to believe that you were in Montreal. Was I misinformed?"

Amanda bows slightly to the Vulcan and then straightens proudly, almost visibly donning the mantles of a lady of a High House.

"I _was_ in Montreal, T'Lina. Obviously, I no longer am. I have returned early because I must speak with my husband urgently."

Amanda gestures to Kirk before continuing.

"Also, my son's bond-mate, James T. Kirk, requests to meet with his husband."

Jim notes that the way Amanda said 'requests' sounded more like 'demands,' which actually isn't that far from the truth.

The Vulcan gazes the two humans and she hesitates. It seems she is trying to find words that will cause the smallest emotional outburst from them. Jim simply stares at her, stone-faced and cold all the way to his soul.

_Go ahead, say it, you gutless toad. Tell me to my face that my mate refuses to even talk to me, refuses to have the guts to face me.'_

Finally, T'Lina speaks.

"I will contact Ambassador Sarek. He is busy, but I am sure he will speak with you, Lady Amanda."

Black eyes lock with Kirk's and his heart drops into his stomach when he sees sympathy flash in the Vulcan's gaze.

"However, it will not be possible for Mr Kirk to meet with his husband. I was given strict instruction by Mr Spock himself."

Something in Kirk snaps at hearing this. The cold, insulting blanket of indifference is torn away. It is almost identical to what he heard yesterday, but hearing it in person makes it so horribly real. His Spock refuses to even grant him the courtesy of dumping him in person. A powerful rage floods his body and mind.

_'How can Spock do this to me? He told me he loved me more than life itself. Was it all a lie? NO! It can't be!'_

Kirk steps closer to the young Vulcan as he shakes off Amanda's hand grasping at his elbow to calm him. He doesn't want to be calm. He wants Spock and he wants him now.

"I am his bond-mate! I demand that I see him. I deserve an explanation!"

T'Lina's eyes widen slightly in alarm and she takes a step back, placing some distance between herself and the furious, irrational, emotional human.

"Your bond is destined to be dissolved."

She states this fact firmly and continues.

"Your link is blocked and your mate refuses to speak with you. You are his bond-mate in name only. You have no rights here."

Kirk's vision goes red. He can't hear Amanda's panicked voice call for help or the sound of a door slamming open. All he is aware of is that this Vulcan before him is standing between him and Spock. The hands at his side clench into fists as he screams at T'Lina.

"The bond is not broken yet! Spock is still _mine_!"

Kirk lunges at the young Vulcan, planning to fight her so that he can get to his mate, driven by a sudden, primitive impulse as hot as the sands of Vulcan. He has to find Spock. He has to see Spock! However, before he reaches her, warm and strong arms wrap around his waist and pull him away from the now shaking T'Lina.

Kirk's heart soars as he feels the familiar presence of Spock surrounding him. There is something not quite right about the feel of the man behind him, but he ignores it and spins around to face his husband.

It _is_ Spock, but not his Spock. It is the old Vulcan he met on Delta Vega. This discovery is heart-breaking. It shatters what's left of Jim's control into a million pieces as everything inside him cries out for his love, reaches for this….this near copy. The old Spock pulls Jim into a hug, to the surprise of both Amanda and T'Lina, and whispers into Jim's rounded ear.

"Violence is not the answer to this problem, Jim. Please calm yourself. It pains me to see you so distressed."

It doesn't matter which Spock it is. That raw, empty, bleeding hole in Jim's soul must be filled, must be soothed, or he will break into a million pieces, right here on the shiny marble floor of the Vulcan Embassy, and bleed to death. Blind instinct makes Jim wrap his arms around the older Spock, burying his face in the warm neck and keening, crying out, as the pain rips through him like the claws of a le-matya. He clings to Spock, not his Spock, but the closest he can find, and tries to keep from going insane.

The head above Jim shifts slightly and Kirk feels and hears the Vulcan's voice as he addresses the two women in the room.

"T'Lina, please ensure that Lady Amanda speaks with her husband. Lady Amanda, I will care for Mr Kirk and return him to his place of residence when we are done conversing."

There is a pause and Jim is sure that Amanda is trying to find a reason why she can't leave him alone with a Vulcan she does not know, but before she can say anything, old Spock addresses T'Lina once more.

"Mr Kirk will be accompanying me to my office, so that I may discuss important matters with him. I do not wish to be disturbed by anyone."

Kirk's sobs have stopped, but he is still crying silently into Spock's robes. There is silence for a few moments, but then T'Lina breaks it with her emotionless voice.

"Understood, Ambassador Selik."

Kirk becomes aware that Selik's arms tighten around him, guiding him as the Vulcan begins walking and realises that he is being led away. He goes willingly. He doesn't care if Selik is taking him to his office or to be thrown off a cliff. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. Spock has walked away from him. He's hiding behind functionaries and traditions. Jim's life, as he knows it, is over.

They walk for a time, with Jim never lifting his face from the comfort of Selik's shoulder, the strong old arms supporting Jim, Selik's voice murmuring wordlessly, a soothing whisper that keeps Jim's soul from shattering like worn glass. A door is shut behind them and finally the Vulcan pulls away from the embrace, but keeps his hands on Kirk's waist. Kirk glances up into brown eyes that are identical to his lover's. Jim's blood runs cold when he spots the hopelessness swimming within their depths.

"Jim, we have much to discuss, and I am afraid that none of it is good news."

"I know."

Jim's voice is a horse whisper as he speaks.

"It's gone, Selik. I can't feel it. The bond is gone."

Selik shakes his head and whispers back, afraid that anything louder will turn the fragile human into dust.

"Not gone, but blocked. Spock has slammed the door between your souls."

/

**I love Amanda and I adore Spock Prime! I had to give them more story time. **

**We will get an explanation for Spock's actions next chapter.  
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**Back to regular schedule now, so the next chapter should be up next Friday or Saturday.**


	16. Chapter 16

**I know I said that I wouldn't post until Friday, but I hate to leave you guys hanging.  
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**Okay, Jim finally gets an explanation, but it doesn't mean he has to like it.**

**Also, thanks to CMM's advice, we get a little of Spock's POV. It might help you hate him just a little bit less.**

**Thank you CMM for your great Beta work.**

**Star Trek isn't mine.**

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"Come, Jim. Let us sit on the sofa." The older version of Spock—apparently the only version who cares if Jim Kirk lives or ides—steers Jim gently to a comfortable-looking couch and settles in beside him.

Kirk laughs bitterly as they sink into the cushions.

"Yeah, might as well get comfortable while I get me heart ripped out."

Selik goes to object to Jim's statement, but the Human cuts him off before the first word leaves his mouth.

"Save it. I can see it written all over your face. Whatever you are going to tell me is going to hurt like a mother fucker no matter how gently you word it. How did you find out anyway? Does the whole goddamned world know that Spock's dumping me like old space trash?"

Jim can hear the bitter hurt in his own voice, and he knows he's being borderline rude to Selik, who's only trying to help, but Jim doesn't really care, not now.

Selik points solemnly to the coffee table which has a single PADD upon it.

"He sent a copy of the application to not only you, Sarek and Amanda, but to me as well. He believed that I would find out anyway and so thought it best to include me as a recipient. So far I am the only one who has been able to discuss the matter with him, but I am sure that will change soon."

Kirk shrugs.

"I wouldn't bet on that. He'll probably go all Vulcan privacy freak-out on Amanda, too. And frankly, I doubt if Sarek will try very hard to talk him out of this. I'm sure Sarek would like nothing better than to see Spock married off to some Vulcan chick with a working womb."

Jim grimaces as he hears himself and make a conscious decision to rein it in a bit. He turns to Selik with a resigned expression and heaves a deep breathe as if steeling himself.

"Okay, hit me with it."

Kirk realises how serious it is when the older Vulcan doesn't feign ignorance of that colloquialism and instead just begins explaining what is happening with Spock.

"My younger counterpart has come to the conclusion that he must resign from Starfleet and instead use his expertise to help the Vulcan race on the planned colony. As we speak, Admiral Pike should be receiving Spock's resignation."

Kirk is not all that surprised by this information. He knew that there was a high chance that Spock would want to move to the Vulcan colony and help his people. What Jim can't understand is how that automatically leads to divorce. Kirk's brow furrows in confusion as he stares at Selik. There is something he is missing.

"I sort of expected Spock to feel this way, and I totally understand why he wants to do it. I get it, Selik; this is an unimaginable tragedy for Spock, for you, for all your people. Does he think I'm not sensitive to that? But what I _don't_ understand is why he wants to dissolve our bond. Doesn't he know that I would support him no matter what? I'm ready to resign from Starfleet today and go learn to grow whatever ingredients you people put in plomeek soup. Hell, I know my way around a crop field. Spock has only to ask me and I'm right there with my overalls packed. Doesn't he know that?"

Selik shakes his head sadly at Kirk's declaration.

"And that is why he wishes to break the most sacred of bonds. He knows that one day you could be captaining your own ship and if you leave Starfleet now, you will never reach your full potential. He does not want to be the reason for you not fulfilling your destiny. He does not want you playing house on the Vulcan colony when you should be exploring the galaxy. He is worried that you will never advance in rank, that you will never earn the captaincy that is your first, best destiny."

Jim simply looks at him for a moment, and then he does the one thing Selik would never have expected. He begins to laugh. It starts off as a small chuckle, but soon Jim is laughing hysterically. His arms wrap around his waist and he curls in on himself, trying to breathe, trying to remember why this is so damned funny when his heart is breaking and his mind is screaming.

Selik is obviously both shocked and concerned at Jim's sudden laughing jag. He gently reaches out and puts a steadying hand on Jim's shoulder, stroking softly, as if trying to calm a nervous pet. The laughter begins to subside and as Kirk wipes a tear from his eye, he decides to tell Selik what he finds so funny, since the elderly Vulcan looks ready to have him committed.

"I was told yesterday that I am being given the rank of captain and that I will be commanding the _Enterprise. _The funny thing is that Spock doesn't want me to give up my big destiny, but since I found out about the application to break the bond I haven't thought about my promotion once. It means nothing to me; it's not even on my mind. I should be getting my crew together and posing for pictures and worrying about what colour to paint the captain's bathroom, but I don't care, not at all, not about any of it."

Selik's obvious surprise unsettles Kirk.

"What? Why are you looking at me like I just told you that I was originally born a Klingon?"

Selik shakes himself out of his stupor and clears his throat, but still gazes at Jim as though he is an undiscovered alien species.

"I am sorry, old friend. I was prepared for your casual attitude towards gaining the _Enterprise. _Jim loved me dearly and he did once sacrifice his ship for me, but being captain and exploring space in that ship was his first love, so I understood my counterparts reasoning on the matter. I would have also come to the same conclusion if I was in his place."

Somehow, that's the moment that completely breaks his life he has been compared to his dead father, and _now_ he is being compared to a man that lived his life in another universe. Is that what's going on in Spock's head? Does he think every Jim Kirk, form every universe, will abandon him without a backwards glance?

_'Fuck that shit!'_

"I am not _him_! We lived totally different lives. _He_ might not have been able to appreciate your love, but I sure as hell treasure Spock's love more than anything... and that includes being a captain or getting the _Enterprise._ Jesus!"

Jim gets to his feet, running his hands through his hair in utter frustration, feeling like he could pull every strand out by the roots.

"What the Hell do I have to do to convince him? I fell in love with him, married him, slept with him, ate with him, served with him, saved his life, and forgave him when he almost got me killed! Do I have to fucking slit my wrists before he'll believe in me? Oh, God, Selik, what can I do?"

Jim slumps back down on the couch, his strength gone. He buries his face in his hands, feeling the tears rise but unwilling to give into them. It won't help. Spock isn't here, and even if he was, apparently he thinks Jim just views him as another fling, something to be tossed aside when a new shiny toy appears.

The hand on Kirk's shoulder closes in a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, it is becoming clear that while, in many respects, you are similar to my t'hy'la, there are also significant differences**. **I am sorry, Jim. In the future, I will cease making assumptions about your behaviour and motivations based on what my Jim would have done. You are quite correct. It does you a disservice."

Jim visibly relaxes and leans back into the sofa, all the fight leaving him.

"Okay, good. Look, don't get me wrong, I have wanted to be captain of the _Enterprise _since I first laid eyes on her in the ship yard three years ago, but the simple fact is that I want Spock more. He is everything to me. I'd blow up the damned ship if it would show Spock how dear he is to me, how much our life together means to me. He has to understand that, even if he chooses to leave. I can't deal with it otherwise. I can't stop him from leaving, but by God, if he does, he needs to know that he will destroy me. He will destroy us."

Selik's eyes shine with un-shed tears at Jim's declaration.

Now that Kirk has explained where he stands in all this, he wants to know if Selik has any suggestions to get Spock talking him again.

_'Surely Spock will listen to himself... maybe?'_

"So old man, any ideas how we can get Spock to stop being a stubborn ass and come back to me?"

Kirk's heart (which has been on a roller coaster ride lately) sinks when he spies the forlorn expression on Selik's face. The old Vulcan shakes his head.

"The best I can suggest is that I talk to your bond-mate and relay all that you have told me. After that we can only hope for the best."

Kirk tries to hide his disappointment. He was hoping that this Spock would have the answer to fixing everything. He should have known better. Still, this mess isn't Selik's problem. Just as it's unfair of Spock to assume that all Jim Kirks are the same, it's not right that Jim burden this brave, noble soul with his and Spock's emotional shit-storm.

'_I'm going to be a captain. I'd better start acting like one.'_

He takes a deep breath and looks straight at the old Vulcan.

"I know you'll do everything you can, Selik, and I appreciate it. But isn't hope an illogical emotion?" Jim gives Selik a cheeky smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. The smile disappears when the elderly Vulcan gives him a knowing look.

_'Of course he would know that I use humour to hide pain. He was bonded to a version of me for Christ's sake!'_

"It may well be, Jim. It is also the only thing we have on our side."

Kirk wants to point out that they also have love on their side, but then he recognises that Spock still loves him, but is choosing to leave him anyway. He keeps his mouth shut.

"My friend, I think it would be best if I take you back to the dorms, so that you may adequately rest. I will keep you informed of my progress regarding your mate."

Kirk nods his head, knowing there is little else he can do here. If Spock doesn't want to see him then he is not going to see him. Jim can only hope that Selik can get through to Spock**.** If he can't…but Jim cuts off that thought. He's said everything he can say, and now only Spock can decide if their relationship is worth it.

"Yeah, I'm exhausted and as I mentioned before, I haven't even started making my crew list yet. I can keep myself busy doing that, while I wait for Spock to come to his senses."

Both men get up from their places on the sofa and walk to the door. Selik holds the door open and just as Jim is about to step through the doorway, a warm hand on his arm stops him. Kirk turns to face the old Vulcan.

"I just wished to offer my congratulations on gaining your captaincy and the _Enterprise. _It is truly wonderful news. It is a shame that the timing wasn't better."

Kirk rests his hand over Selik's and gives it a squeeze.

"Yeah. I guess it's wonderful, but right now, I can't even pretend to care. All I need is to win Spock back and I'll be all set, because without him, the rest is worth shit."

Jim drops his hand and walks away**, **his back straight, his head high, and his heart breaking. Selik just stands there a moment and watches the man who so resembles his lost love, with a determined glint in his eyes. Once Jim is out of earshot, Selik speaks to the ceiling, to his gods, and maybe to his own t'hy'la, now lost for so many years.

"With all that I am, I will make that happen, t'hy'la. I promise. This is not over. I cannot let that young fool make the worst mistake of his life."

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In his quiet guest room at the Vulcan embassy, Spock kneels on a meditation mat, where he has spent most of his time since arriving here. Like all the surviving Vulcans, he is still trying to deal with the epic loss of his world and most of his people.

What non-telepaths do not understand is that all Vulcans, no matter what their relationship to one another, are bound together on a most elemental level. Most of the time, this sense of collective identity is unobtrusive, simply a feeling the back of the mind, a sense of connection and belonging that helps ground the individual. But when a tragedy of this magnitude occurs…Spock shudders slightly, breathing deeply, trying to put the sound of millions of lives being snuffed out at once from his mind, trying to find his centre, trying to accept that which is almost impossible to believe—that one madman could bring his people to the brink of extinction.

Spock knows that it will be a very long time before he can no longer hear the death cries of his people echo through his soul.

As he attempts to concentrate, Spock's mind brushes against the bond, that connection with Jim that Spock has ruthlessly isolated and locked away from himself. He shudders as even that slight mental touch sends pain through his katra—pain that he can easily recognize as Jim's. His t'hy'la is in agony, his heart and mind bleeding from cuts Spock has inflicted.

Everything in Spock cries out against this—he is supposed to cherish Jim, make him safe and happy, not plunge him into grief and pain. But it is necessary. Spock knows his duty; he knows the path he must walk. And he cannot drag Jim along that path. Jim has a bright future. He needs to fulfil his destiny, just as Spock needs to spend his life trying to undo what Nero has done.

If he had his doubts before (which he did), the message he got from Starfleet thirty minutes ago has shown that his decision is the correct one.

_**To all Academy Staff,**_

_**On the day of graduation, Cadet James T. Kirk will be promoted to Captain of the Enterprise.**_

_**Please ensure that you are all present at the ceremony and in full uniform..**_

_**Regards, **_

_**Admiral Christopher Pike**_

It is fated. It is meant to be.

It is tearing Spock apart.

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Jim suspects that during his last physical, Bones must have inserted a tracking device in his neck (or maybe his ass; with Bones, one never knows) because before he has even had time to lift his hand to enter his code, the door swishes open and McCoy grabs him by the collar and pulls him into the room.

"So? What happened? Did you get to talk to Spock?"

Kirk hesitates. He doesn't know whether he should tell his friend the truth. Jim can trust the doctor to keep a secret, but doesn't know if he can handle the McCoy freak out that will follow said truth. He decides to just bite the bullet and tell his friend.

"I talked to _a _Spock, just not _my _Spock."

McCoy's eyebrow lifts in confusion.

_'Yep, looks like an explanation is definitely in order now.'_

"What the hell is that meant to mean? You can't possible be saying that there is more than one Spock wandering around out there. Jesus, _one_ of them is enough to put me in a rubber room."

Kirk manages to get McCoy to sit down on his bed and sits next to him. He explains about Delta Vega and other reality Spock. After Jim is done, he eyes the doctor, waiting for the older man to explode. It is taking longer than it usually does, but he knows it is coming. It always comes.

At last, Bones speaks.

"So, what you are telling me is that, not only do I have to put up with your emotionally retarded husband who's determined to send you to a laughing academy, where I will have to watch over you,but I also have to deal with a meddling old yenta who... Can't. Leave. Well-enough. Alone!**"**

_'And thar she blows!'_

Normally Kirk would defend Spock (both of them), but at the moment he agrees whole-heartedly with his friend's description of the two Vulcans.

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

McCoy groans and buries his face in his hands.

"Okay... okay. We have two Spocks. I can learn to live with that... maybe."

This for some reason makes Kirk smile. McCoy has always been able to do that and Jim is forever thankful for that fact.

The older man lifts his head and turns to Kirk with a serious expression that has the smile dropping from the blonde's face.

"Did this old Spock..."

Kirk cuts in with a way of making things easier for his friend.

"He goes by Selik now."

McCoy inclines his head in thanks at the clarification.

"Did Selik tell you why Spock is divorcing you?"

Jim tells McCoy everything the Elder Spock told him and instantly regrets it when he sees how furious McCoy is.

"Goddamn idiotic hobgoblin! What the Hell is he thinking? He's lost everything, so he needs to dump you as well, just to make sure the universe knows he's miserable? I should go down there and rip those eyebrows off his face!"

Kirk can't help but agree with the doctor there.

"You'll have to get in line. The order is me, Amanda, Selik and then you."

Worry takes over the older cadet's face as he stares at Jim.

"In all seriousness, what do you plan to do about Spock, Jim?"

Kirk slumps a little where he is sitting. He just feels so helpless and defeated.

"Not much I can do when I can't get anywhere near him. Selik and Amanda are going to try and convince Spock to change his mind. My job is to sit around, twiddling my thumbs and wait for updates."

McCoy can hear Jim's frustration and helplessness in his voice**. **He knows just how good Jim Kirk is at waiting around—not at all. The doctor does the only thing he knows will offer some comfort and hugs his friend.

As the doctor pulls the blond into a tight embrace, Kirk feels an unexpected hardness press against his chest. It starts to hurt, so he pulls away from his best friend and glares at him.

"Ow! What the hell is in your pocket? I think I'm going to bruise."

McCoy looks puzzled for a moment before he realises what the younger man is talking about.

"Oh! I forgot all about it. Here, look."

The doctor reaches into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulls out a small box. Kirk has seen enough romantic comedies to recognise what is usually found in boxes like that. McCoy opens the box and Jim's suspicions are confirmed when he spots a ruby ring nestled amongst velvet.

"What do you think, Jim?"

From somewhere, Jim finds his sense of humour (That's the kind of power Bones has on him) . He places his hand on his heart dramatically and his eyelashes flutter at Bones.

"Oh Bones! It's beautiful, but I can't accept. I'm still a married man. Also, red doesn't really go well with my colouring. Get it set with a sapphire instead and ask me again in a week's time."

McCoy rolls his eyes and punches the younger man on the arm.

"I'll keep that in mind if Gaila turns me down—and every other carbon-based life form on earth decides they don't want to marry me either."

McCoy glances at the ring uncertainly and then back at his best friend.

"Do you think she'll say yes?"

Kirk wraps one arm around McCoy's shoulders and gives McCoy a reassuring smile.

"I don't think she'll say yes... I know she will. When are you going to ask her?"

The older man sighs in relief and places the box back into the pocket of his cadet uniform jacket.

"Tomorrow night. I'm so goddamn nervous."

Kirk pats his friends shoulder before removing his arm from around McCoy's neck and gets off the bed. He strolls over to the desk, grabs the bottle of whiskey that has a note attached saying 'for special occasions only' and pours some of the liquor into two tumblers.

He makes his way back to where McCoy is sitting and hands the doctor one of the glasses filled with the amber liquid.

"I believe this constitutes as a special occasion. The drinks will also help us a good night'ssleep."

_'He doesn't need to know that sleep is going to be pretty much imp__ossible for me until I have Spock back.'_

McCoy smiles as he brings the crystal tumbler to his lips.

"Can't argue with that reasoning... Captain."

/

**There will still be a chapter on Friday or Saturday.**

**We will find out where Sarek stands in all this.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry I'm a little late. I had an assignment to write. Also after I got my Beta, CMM, to look over this chapter, I added some more stuff in. All mistakes belong to me.  
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**It is sort of funny that this chapter started out as the shortest I have written for this story, but ended up being one of the longest. Also, I have reached the 50,000 word mark. This officially the longest story I have ever written (and ever plan on writing).  
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**In this chapter Sarek stops by and there is more of Spock's POV.**

**Star Trek is not mine.**

/

/

Three day go by. Later, Jim is amazed that he's functioned at all during this time; he can only assume he's holding it together by focusing all his energy on interviewing and hand-picking every single member of his future crew. Not only did this distract him, but it's enabled him to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, without having to drink himself unconscious. However, his sleep is broken at best; the dreams keep interfering—dreams of Spock, always Spock, at home, at the Academy, on the ship, everywhere. Spock never speaks in these dreams, and when Jim tried to make him talk, grabs him and shakes him and screams at him, Spock simply shakes head sadly, softly touches Jim's cheek, and disappears into a mist. That cold mist, that feeling of icy dampness, always wakes Jim, and he find himself lying in bed alone, shaking, his face wet with tears.

While he was working, he was constantly on edge waiting for the (fewer than he would like) messages from Amanda and Selik. He finds out from Amanda that Sarek was called away for emergency talks with the Federation Council before he and Amanda could meet with Spock and has not returned yet. This about the only piece of new information he has gained during this time. Spock still refuses to talk to him, really refuses to talk with anyone and still apparently believes his actions are for the best.

With every message Jim receives, he sees both Amanda and Selik growing more frustrated and desperate, which just feeds his own frustration and desperation. It seems that Spock is going for most stubborn ass hat in the Alpha Quadrant. All Jim can do is throw himself into his work, deal with the congratulatory messages that keep flooding in, dodge reporters who want to interview the hero of the hour, the young man who has everything—but he doesn't have everything. He doesn't have Spock, and as the hours and days go by, it comes home to Jim more and more bitterly that without Spock, all of this is pointless.

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Spock paces the garden path inside the Vulcan Embassy. He has meditated all he can; He has tried to accept the past and put it in its proper niche in his mind, but his mind will not cooperate. His thoughts are jumbled and chaotic, like the contents of Jim's dresser drawers when he is looking for a particular tee-shirt, usually one with an inappropriate cartoon or slogan on the front.

Spock stops on the path and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. He sometimes thinks that if he presses hard enough, he can remove the images of Jim from his memory, purge it from his optic nerves like an old piece of data, but even as he tries, he knows it will not happen. Jim is there, so real Spock can almost touch him, his face, that beloved face, tired and pale, sad and angry, bewildered and still loving. Spock drops his hands and fixes his eyes on the path again, concentrating on the path he must walk, the path he must follow for the sake of his people.

It must be raining. There are tiny drops of wetness on the path. Odd. The sun is still shining.

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It is now the day before graduation and Kirk finds himself, for the first time since that clusterfuck that was Nero, inside the apartment he has shared with Spock for the last year and a half. It is an agonizing experience. All the memories of their time together, sleeping, talking, fighting, loving, are so much easier to recall when Jim stands in these rooms, but it also a constant reminder that Spock is not with him. Yet he stays longer than he would have to, trying to recall every moment, every word, every look, every touch, clasping the memories to him with painful intensity, afraid that if he forgets even one of them, it will all vanish like a dream, and his life with Spock will officially be over. The aroma of Vulcan tea that used to permeate the entire apartment has disappeared; their chess board has gathered dust, and just walking into the bedroom they shared has the bile rising in Jim's throat. He stops in the doorway, keeping his eyes away from the bed, knowing that he is one step from howling like an animal and trashing the whole fucking apartment, since he can't slap Spock silly for what he's done to the two of them.

He is only here now because he has finished making the crew list (science officer and XO positions are still vacant) and needs something else to keep him busy, so he's decided to pack up his belongings, so they are ready for transfer to the _Enterprise. _Even if Spock was with him, he would still have to clear out, but it would have been a far less painful time.

_'I should have hired someone to do it. Of course I think of that now when it's too late.'_

He doesn't touch any of Spock's possessions, but everything that Spock bought for him or that they bought together gets placed into a box labelled 'Spock can deal with it'.

At first, Jim had just wanted to trash all of it, but as he hold 'Moby Dick' first edition paperback Spock had given him for Christmas over the recycler, he realises that he just can't destroy mementos of his life with Spock. However, it doesn't mean he can live with them either. He gently runs his fingers over the book's cover, imagining pushing it through a shredder, watching it turn to confetti, watching it fall to pieces, just like his life has. His lips tighten and he throws it into the box.

_'Spock wants the divorce than he can deal with the clean up. I am just gonna take what I need and let him sort out the rest.'_

Kirk is just placing the travel chess set Spock had bought him for their anniversary in the dreaded box, when the door buzzer announces a visitor.

"Come in. It's open."

Kirk turns back to the book shelf, fighting back the lump in his threat as he sees the volumes of Tolkien that Spock had brought all the way from Vulcan. Jim doesn't care who his visitor is. It won't be Spock, and Spock is the only person in the galaxy Jim truly wants to see. Jim gave up hope two days ago of his bond-mate bursting through the door and begging for forgiveness. There comes a time when it in no longer wishful thinking, but simply a sad delusion.

Jim can hear footsteps getting closer and when he hears a deliberate throat clearing, he finally turns to greet his visitor.

The blond freezes to the spot when one of the last people he was expecting to see is standing before him as though it is a perfectly common occurrence.

"Greeting, James. I appear to have come at an inconvenient time."

Kirk quickly brushes his dusty hands on his jeans and tries to smooth out the wrinkles of his t-shirt before bowing to his father in-law.

"It's fine, Sarek. I was just packing up a few things, since I'm going away for a little while."

Jim watches as Sarek glances around the room at the half empty shelves and numerous boxes strewn around the room, before the Vulcan's gaze meets his once more. Sarek is silent, so Kirk decides to ask the obvious question to get the conversation going.

"What can I do for you, Sarek?"

Sarek eyes seem to be searching his son in-law's face for something and the close scrutiny makes Jim nervous. He wonders if maybe the older Vulcan is looking for the reason his son has left him, so that he may better understand Spock's 'reasoning' and maybe even agree with it. That thought flies out the window when black eyes meet Jim's and all he sees within them is sympathy. The sight shocks Jim. He's become adept at reading 'his' Vulcan (or he had _thought_ he was), and of course, Selik is easy to read; he doesn't bother putting on the Vulcan mask. But Jim has seldom seen any expression in Sarek's eyes, certainly not one as soft as this.

Sarek suddenly straightens and places his hands behind his back in the same way Spock does when he is trying to keep his emotions from showing. Kirk's soul whimpers at the sight. He had forgotten how similar Spock and his father are.

"I have come to inform you that Amanda and I will be present at your graduation ceremony that will be taking place tomorrow."

Before Jim can stop himself, words fly out of his mouth and he asks the question that he already knows the answer to.

"Do you... do you know if Spock will be coming?"

Sarek shakes his head solemnly. Kirk is certain he sees anger flash over the Vulcan's features before they once again become neutral.

"I have been informed that he is refusing to attend."

Kirk feels that sick lurch that is becoming part of his make-up. At the same time, he's also bewildered. He stares at Sarek in puzzlement at his choice of words.

"Informed? You haven't spoken to Spock yourself?"

Sarek gives the Vulcan equivalent of a sigh before shaking his head again.

"I have just returned from my time with the Federation Council. You are the first person I have seen since I have been back in San Francisco. Amanda thought it best, when I comm'd her last evening, that I deliver this message to you in person as a show of... support, before I return home and deal with Spock and his foolish actions."

Kirk is in a small state of shock. He and Sarek have always been on, well not friendly terms, but close enough, yet deep down Jim had always felt that Sarek believed that Spock could do better. It is nice to know that he was wrong.

Sarek misunderstands Kirk's silence as one of scepticism.

"James, please be assured that the moment I was informed of what Spock was planning, I was going to persuade him into abandoning such an illogical plan of action. It was only that I was called away on urgent business that I was stopped from doing so. Know that I will be rectifying that by speaking with me son tonight. I shall not allow him to break your bond."

The determination Kirk hears in his father in-law's voice gives him hope, and he gives Sarek a small smile of gratitude.

"I must say, Sarek, I really didn't expect you to side with 'Team Kirk'. If there is anything you can do. I'd be grateful. I…I don't want this. It's all Spock's idea."

Sarek's expression changes slightly, and Jim is sure that the Vulcan is smiling fondly at him with just his eyes.

_'God, Vulcans are good at expressing themselves with their eyes. Maybe they had to complete a class for it. Smizing 101.'_

"We might not always understand each other, but you have become a son to me, James. You belong to my clan... you belong to Spock, just as he belongs to you. You are his t'hy'la and I will do all within my power to ensure that you stay in your rightful place... by my son's side."

Jim quickly wipes at the tears that are forming before they can fall, because he know that Sarek will be completely uncomfortable if he breaks down now. He takes a cleansing breath and when he feels more composed, he speaks.

"Thank you, Sarek. Your support means the world to me."

The Vulcan simply nods, but then his gaze is captured by a box near his feet. Kirk looks down at it and blushes slightly. It is the 'Spock can deal with it' box.

Sarek's focus returns to the blond and he raises an eyebrow in question.

"You are packing Spock's belongings as well as your own?"

Kirk shakes his head.

"No, that's just all the stuff either Spock bought for me or that we got together. I figure that since Spock is the one who is breaking the bond, then he can be the one to dispose of our relationship memorabilia. I can't bring myself to do it and I really don't think I should have to."

Sarek's eyebrow falls at the explanation and his gaze returns to the box. He stares at it as if he is contemplating something.

"Very logical. I will help you by sending a messenger to retrieve it tonight and deliver it to Spock myself."

Jim wonders at himself. A minute ago, he was thinking about throwing things in a recycle bin; now all he wants to do is grab the box and hide it somewhere safe. Instead, he manages to plaster a grateful smile on his face.

"That would be very... helpful. I thank you, Sarek, for the generous offer."

Sarek bows and lifts his hand in the Vulcan salute.

"Rest well and be at peace... my son."

Without waiting for a reply, Sarek turns on his heels and leaves.

Jim stands alone in the living room, trying to blink back tears. He's only one breath away from breaking completely, and there's only one person he can think to call.

Jim makes his way slowly over to the comm unit and dials McCoy's number. He doesn't have to wait long.

"God, this better be good, Jim! I have a shitload of stuff to do before we graduate tomorrow."

The two men just stare at each other. Kirk doesn't say anything because he doesn't even know why he called. He thinks it's just a habit he has gotten into. 'Get upset, call Bones' kind of thing.

"So, what do you want?"

Kirk hesitates, as he tries to shove down his automatic response to that question.

_'I want Spock.__I want him here, now, in my arms, in my bed, in my mind, where he belongs.'_

He is proud of himself for not blurting out that pathetic whine to his best friend. Now he just needs to answer the question.

"I'm sorry, Bones. I didn't mean to bother you. I…"

McCoy's face softens.

"It's okay, Jim. The shitload can wait. What can I do for you?"

"I want you to come out and get drunk with me."

McCoy eyes Jim through the view screen. He heaves a deep breath and then nods.

"I'll grab a taxi and pick you up in 10 minutes."

The comm line goes dead.

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Spock has long since left the gardens and now finds himself in his locked guest room within the Embassy. He is sitting on his meditation mat, facing the window, which allows in a certain amount of moon light. Spock, however, cannot see the moon because he has his eyes close, trying to fall into a deep meditation that has alluded him for over a week now.

Just when Spock's thinks he might be making progress, his concentration is broken when he hear someone override his locking system.

_'My older counterpart is illogically persistent. I find it very irritating that he cannot accept my decision and leave me in peace.'_

Spock listens as the unwanted visitor makes their way into his room. He does not turn around, believing it to be a pointless exercise, when he can just as easily dismiss the old Vulcan from where he is.

"Please leave, Selik. We have nothing further to discuss."

For a moment there is silence, but then it is broken by a voice that Spock was not expecting.

"I am not your older counterpart and I believe that we have much to discuss, my son."

Spock jumps to his feet and spins around to face his father, who is gently placing a large cardboard box in the middle of his room. When Sarek rises to his full height again, he faces his startled son and he lifts a quizzical eyebrow.

"Spock, did you truly think that after I returned, I would not seek you out to discuss this matter with you?"

Spock hesitates, he is not sure how to answer. He really did not think Sarek _would_ seek him out. He was confident that his father would actually support him, since he was inevitably doing what was best for the Vulcan people, but from the older Vulcan's choice of words and the slight disappointment in his tone, Spock is beginning to think he may have assumed too much.

"With all due respect, I do not see what we have to discuss, Father. Can you not see that I am doing what is logical? You once told me that you married Mother because it was the logical thing to do. I am leaving Jim for the same reason. I am to go to the new colony and by releasing Jim of his bond to me, I am ensuring that he accomplishes all that he is capable of. "

Sarek moves around the box that he had placed on the floor and steps towards his son until he is a foot away. The older man places a hand on Spock's should. Spock quickly glances down at the hand and then back into the face of his father. Through the contact he can feel Sarek's self-shame.

"I ask for your forgiveness, Spock. I was wrong to tell you that. It was a lie. Logic was not the reason I married your mother. I married her because I love her with all my katra. She completes me. I believed that if I did not marry her and make her mine then I would surely wither up and die. Logic was the last thing I considered when I proposed marriage to Amanda."

Spock's eyes widen at his father's confession. He stumbles mentally to find words.

"If... if that is true, then why did you not tell me this when I asked all those years ago."

Sarek's hand drops from his son's shoulder and he releases an inaudible sigh. Spock has never seen his father express his emotions so openly.

"I wished for you to follow the Vulcan way of life and did not want you to be aware of, what I saw as, a weakness on my part. Since that time I have come to learn that love is not a weakness, but in fact a great strength. It is a realisation that I reached thanks to watching you and James together. Please do not throw such a powerful thing away because of some misguided sense of duty."

Spock stiffens at this and steps back, creating more distance between him and his father. His hands behind his back clench in anger.

"It is not misguided, Father. My people need me."

Sarek shakes his head calmly.

"Your people did well without you when you went off to Starfleet, they will manage without you again. Also, you seem to be forgetting that there are two of you now. You have what many people can only wish for. The possibility of being in two places at once."

Spock's resolve is beginning to shatter, but he refuses to just give up. He is doing what is logical and logic is always right.

"But..."

Sarek raises a hand to silence his son.

"Your people may need you, but your bond-mate needs you more. Your place is by his side first and foremost. There is also a logic to that, my son."

Spock is lost. All his arguments that had managed to win against Selik and his mother hold no weight against his father's rebuttals. He feels like a small child, not knowing what to do next.

Sarek steps back until he is standing next to the box that he brought with him.

"I visited with James today. I was shocked to find him so unwell, both in the physical and mental sense. To be so ill when the bond has only been blocked is rare. Though I am not a healer, let me assure you that if you continue with your plan to break your bond, James will not last the year. You will have sentenced your t'hy'la to death. What accomplishments shall he have when he is dead?"

The older Vulcan points to the box near his feet.

"James wanted you to have these things. Do with them what you see fit. I can only hope that you will do what is right."

Spock continues to look down at the box as Sarek quietly takes his leave, without any formal good-byes. He walks cautiously over to the container and lifts the flaps of the opening.

Spock's legs crumble beneath him as he looks upon all the items that represent the most glorious relationship he has ever known, and he lands with a thud on the floor. His voice comes out in a pained whisper.

"Oh god, what have I done?"

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Hours pass and Kirk stumbles into his apartment after being dropped off by Bones and Gaila (who picked up both their drunken asses from the bar). Jim was so happy that he didn't have to walk or catch a taxi home by himself that he didn't mind Gaila constantly shoving her engagement ring in his face and telling him that he will be a beautiful bridesmaid.

_'Apparently, I will have a blue dress to match my eyes. __Maybe I can catch the bouquet at the reception, get started on looking for someone else to break my fucking heart.'_

Jim chuckles at this as he staggers his way through the living room. He is on his way to the guest room (no way is he sleeping in _their _room), when he notices that the 'Spock can deal with it' box is gone.

_'The super must have let the messenger in while I was gone.'_

Jim is not prepared for the feeling of loss that suddenly overwhelms him.

_'They were just things. I should be happy that they are gone.'_

But he is not. The items themselves where not that important, but the love they represented is**. **It's as if one more piece of their life together is fading from Jim's mind. Before long, everything will be gone, and then…then, Jim doesn't know what will take its place. Maybe nothing will. Maybe it _is_ possible to die from a broken heart.

Kirk suddenly steers off course at that thought.

In his drunken state, Kirk doesn't realise where he is going until he finds himself standing in front of Spock's closet. He opens it his hand instantly gravitate towards the ugly gray sweater Amanda made, that Spock wears all the time (to Kirk's disgust). He pulls it from **its** hanger and holds it tight to his chest as he walks out of their bedroom and heads towards the guest room.

Once inside, he kicks off his shoes, nearly falling over in the process, and climbs into the bed fully clothed. Jim hugs the horribly lumpy sweater closer to his chest and buries his face in the scratchy wool He catches Spock's unique scent, that cinnamon and green tea scent that always seems to cling to his mate, and inhales deeply.

Tears begin flowing freely down his cheek as the essence of his bond-mate fills the air around him.

_'How can I hurt this much and still be alive? Why can't I just die?'_

Jim simply lets go, sobbing into the sweater until it is soaked with the tears of a lifetime, the last tears he will ever shed for the pointy-eared bastard who captured Jim's heart and then broke it to pieces. It is at that moment when the last of his energy leaves him. The large amount of alcohol that he consumed early seems to be doing its part in helping him slowly drift off into a deep sleep.

Jim **c**ontinues to sob as his mind shuts itself away from the world, as he finally drops off to sleep. He is totally unaware that the presence of another has entered his mind.

/

**Graduation will be coming up next.**

**There will likely be 2 more chapters and then this will be done.**

**Next chapter will be up next Friday or Saturday**


	18. Chapter 18

**This chapter is another longish one. Graduation is finally hear.  
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**It has not been beta'd because I didn't have it ready in time and it would have to be posted later next week if I sent it off when I did finally finish it. I chose not to leave you waiting. **

**There are probably lots of mistakes because I have been sick and tired this whole week, but oh well.**

**Star Trek isn't mine**

/

/

Kirk's alarm wakes him up and he is surprised to find that he actually feels good. No, better than good. It's like the bond he shares with Spock, which has been burning with pain, has been smothered in a soothing balm. Jim is confused. The only thing he did was get piss drunk with Bones and he knows that would not have made him feel this good (if anything, he should have one hell of a hangover).

Deciding to investigate this further, he reaches out with metal hands and grasps the bond. He follows it until he arrives at the Shield blocking him from Spock. It is thinner than before and Jim is certain that it even feels different. The original shield has been lifted and this flimsy one has taken it's place, which most likely means Spock went for a little stroll through his mind and tried to fix what he could without getting caught.

_'Sneaky fucking Vulcans!'_

Kirk gives the shields a little shove. He is sure that if he pushed hard enough against the shield, it would give and he would be connected with Spock once more, but he holds himself back.

_'No! If Spock wants me back, he can come to me. I'm sick of always being the one who tries to fix things between us. I didn't cause this problem, so I 'll be damned if I'm the one who ends up crawling!'_

As Kirk showers and dresses, he wonders if he should be mad at the fact Spock had obviously opened their link while he was sleeping, but it seems that whatever happened last night calmed his anger. The hurt is still there (and Jim thinks that it will be there for a long time still), but it has lessened.

For the first time since this whole mess with Spock started, he doesn't feel like curling up into a ball and dying. He has real hope, which he realises now has been missing since he left the Embassy all those days ago.

As Jim begins reconsidering his stance on breaking into Spock's mind, the door buzzer announces that McCoy and Gaila have arrived to pick him up.

Before the door has even finished opening, a green hand, which is adorned with the ruby engagement ring, is shoved in his face (again!).

"Have you seen my ring, Jimmy?"

Jim rolls his eyes and pushes his friend's hand out of the way.

"Only a bazillion times, babe. When are you going to stop flashing that rock around?"

The Orion shrugs.

"Ball park estimate... another week. Don't get your hopes up though."

Kirk pouts at the knowledge that he has another week (at least) of having Gaila try to blind him with that damn ring.

"I just don't get it. How are you this excited when you are marrying the grumpiest man in the whole Federation?"

Bones is about to punch the blond in the arm, but his fiancée beats him to it.

"Don't talk about my future husband like that!"

McCoy puffs up with satisfaction, but it is short lived when Gaila leans closer to Kirk and whispers conspiratorially in his ear.

"Have I taught you nothing? You wait until he is out of the room before making fun of him. That way he can't stab you with a hypo."

Kirk snorts and McCoy scowls at them both.

"Well, are you coming with us or not? Wouldn't want you to be late for the moment when Starfleet makes you even more unbearable than you already are."

Jim turns his head and scans the apartment to make sure he hasn't forgotten anything and then nods.

As they make their way through the apartment building (Gaila is skipping ahead, gazing down at her ring), McCoy moves closer to Kirk and whispers in his ear.

"You look better today. Did you finally get some sleep?"

A smile forms on Jim's lips and he nods.

"Yeah, I did. It's strange. I should be hungover, or at least have red and sore eyes from all the... never mind, but I feel... okay."

McCoy stares at him as if searching for something.

"Just okay?"

Jim gives him a meaningful look before his gaze focuses ahead again (where he sees Gaila showing her ring to the doorman).

_'I love her, but I am going to laugh my head off when someone finally dec__ides they have had enough and shove that ring down her throat and I haven't ruled out that someone being me.'_

Kirk turns his attention back to his best friend.

"Okay is a hell of a lot better than what I was, believe me, Bones."

McCoy looks over his friend slowly and nods in agreement as both men make their way towards the door of the building.

"So what do you think has caused this improvement?...Not that I am complaining."

Kirk pauses. He has no real proof, besides his circumstantial evidence that Spock opened their bond. He decided to stay vague. He doubts McCoy will guess.

"Something must have calmed the bond."

Suddenly McCoy stops walking. Kirk keeps going for a couple more steps before he realises that the doctor is not next to him. When he turns to face McCoy, he sees that the older man is furious.

"Something or _someone_?"

_'Apparently, Bones is better at reading between the lines then I gave him credit for.'_

Kirk's widening eyes and silence are all McCoy needs to confirm his theory. If anything this knowledge makes him even angrier.

"What the hell was that no good husband of yours doing inside your head, Jim?"

Kirk lifts his hands up in surrender and slowly steps up to his best friends, like one would a wild animal. From the corner of his eye, Jim can see Gaila through the window watching them from her place on the pavement with a worried expression.

"Calm down, Bones. I'm not sure that it was Spock. We can't jump to conclusions without any proof and I don't have any. Maybe my mind is beginning to heal itself and last night had nothing to do with Spock."

Kirk doesn't believe his own words, but McCoy doesn't need to know that.

McCoy's tense frame relaxes slightly, but Jim can tell that this conversation is far from over.

"Fine, I will let this go... for now, but if I find out that Spock has been messing about inside your brain on top of all the stuff he has already put you through, I am going to rip off each of his fingers and feed them to him."

Kirk's face scrunches up in disgust.

"Eww, Bones! Where do you come up with this stuff?"

McCoy shrugs as he moves to stand next to Jim and wraps an arm around his friend's shoulder. The older cadet guides Jim towards the exit.

"Perks of being a doctor, I guess."

They both laugh as they meet up with Gaila, who has a taxi waiting.

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Throughout the ceremony Kirk glances around the auditorium. He spots his mother and brother sitting next to Sarek and Amanda. Winona has met them before, but this is Sam's first time meeting Jim's in-laws and by the look on his face, he is about ready to bolt. The two brothers lock eyes. Kirk is trying to express his smugness at the situation his older brother finds himself in and Sam's gaze is begging for a rescue. Jim chuckles to himself.

_'Serves him right. He should have come to to the bonding ceremony and then this would be less awkward. Too busy doing science-y stuff to go to your brother wedding, then suffer through the uncomfortable in-laws meeting on your own!'_

Kirk finds Uhura sitting further down the row of students and when their eyes meet she gives him a small smile and bows her head. He smiles back. It's nice to know that in her own way she is supporting him. It also helps to know that she hasn't tried anything with Spock even when she found out about their troubles. Turns out she _is _a classy lady.

Jim continues scanning the crowd and he tries to hide his disappointment when not only does he not see Spock (which was to be expected), but he also can't find Selik. He was certain that the older Spock would be their to show his support.

"This assembly calls James Tiberius Kirk."

At the sound of Admiral Kormack's voice, Jim stands and makes his way to the front of the large room to accept his destiny. The one he no longer wants without his bond-mate.

_'I wish Spock were here.'_

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On the closed off second level of the auditorium, Spock stands watching the proceedings below with pride shining in his eyes. He longs to be down their with his bond-mate, but knows that now is not the time for a reunion. Spock is not naïve. He knows that after everything he has put Jim through that he won't be welcomed back with open arms. Spock refuses to ruin this moment for his mate just because he is desperate to be near his James.

This is the reason why Spock chose to block the bond again after he had calmed Jim's troubled mind. He doesn't want to burden his human husband with his powerful Vulcan emotions when he already has so much on his plate. He also wants to wait until he finds out if Jim even wants to keep the bond. After everything Spock has done to his him, he wouldn't blame Jim for wanting nothing further to do with him.

"He is magnificent, is he not?" Spock turns to find his older counterpart standing next to him. Spock nods before looking back down at his love once more.

"Are you still determined to leave him?"

Spock doesn't answer for a long time. He just stands there and watches as Admiral Kormack places the medal on Jim's chest. Spock's gaze finally meets Selik's and he shakes his head.

"No, I will not. My father talked to me last night and showed me that my behaviour regarding Jim was illogical. You were not worried though. You knew that I would leave him."

Selik lifts an eyebrow at the young Vulcan's assumption.

"I hoped that you would not leave him, but I did begin to worry by the second day. We are very stubborn when we want to be, especially when love is concerned. I was concerned that history would repeat itself."

Spock's eyes go wide and both eyebrows rise past his hairline.

"You left your Jim?"

Selik nods slowly, as regret fills his expression.

"Yes, I did and not for a noble reason like yourself. I was scared of my feelings for my captain and I so I left to complete the Kolinahr."

Spock stares at the older Vulcan wondering if it is possible that his older self is lying to him.

"_You _attempted the Kolinahr?"

A small smirk forms on Selik's face at his younger counterpart's disbelief.

"I did indeed."

This time only a single eyebrow shoots up. Spock has his own smirk taking shape.

"You failed."

The older Vulcan's smirk softens to a gentle smile and he shakes his head.

"I do not see it as a failure, because if I did not go I would not have figured out that my place was with my Jim. I see it more as a... learning experience. Just like this unfortunate episode has been one for you."

The two Spock's are pulled from their conversation by the whole auditorium below them, bursting into applause. Spock and Selik watch as Jim Kirk stands before the large crowd, scanning the the room, with his head held high.

Selik places his hand on Spock's shoulder and begins guiding his younger self to the exit.

"Come, Spock. I will drive you to your apartment, where I know Jim is staying. You may wait for him there."

Spock moves without resistance, his body and mind excited at the possibility of being with Jim again in _their _apartment.

"I also wish to show you something, which I believe will help convince you that you have made the right decision."

Spock doesn't seem to notice Selik lift a hand and fiddle with a small pendant that is hanging around the old Vulcan's neck.

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Kirk glances over the crowd as they all stand and clap. His eyes absently lift to the second level of the auditorium before moving on.

_'Wait a minute! Was that...'_

His head snaps back up to the shadows of the balcony above him, but there is no one there.

_'Get it together. You are just imagining things. Wishful thinking and all that crap.'_

Kirk is stopped from berating himself further when his mother pulls him into an almost painful hug.

"Oh, Jim! I am so proud of you. Your father would have been too. I'm sure that he is looking down on you with a huge smile on his goofy face."

A hand slaps Jim on the back and he pulls away from his mom to find Sam standing next to him with one of those crooked grins on his face.

"You did good, little Jimmy. Who would've thought that a pain in the ass like you would become a captain?"

Winona smacks her eldest son on the back of the head with an open palm. Kirk winces in sympathy. Usually he is the one on the receiving end of those hits.

"Be nice to your little brother."

Sam just laughs as he rubs the back of his head.

"Mom, he knows I'm joking. This is how we show our love. Right, little bro?"

Jim grins and nods. He is about to add something else about how Sam is just jealous anyway, but he is cut off when a throat clears.

Behind his mother and brother, Jim spots Amanda and Sarek waiting patiently. All three Kirks turn to face them. Amanda steps forward and gives Jim a gentle hug before again taking her place at her husbands side. Sarek bows his head to his son in-law.

"Congratulations, James. As the head of your house and... as your father in-law, I wish to convey to you how proud I am of your accomplishments."

Kirk gives the Vulcan a sly smile and quickly responds.

"Wait, isn't pride an emotion?"

The three other humans turn to Sarek, who has a green blush adorning his ears and cheeks. Amanda giggles at her husbands discomfort and speaks before the Vulcan rebut.

"James, you are such a cheeky monkey. Do not tease Sarek so, when he is trying to be nice."

Kirk chuckles, waves her off and winks at his father in-law, who has managed to get his blush under control.

"Sarek knows I'm just messing around, don't you, big guy?"

Sarek straightens his back and clasps his hands behind his back. Anyone who didn't know him would think that he is mad, but one look into his eyes shows that he is in fact laughing along with Jim.

"Indeed. My son in-law has a singular sense of humour that I have become accustomed to over the last year and a half."

Winona, who has just managed to reign in her laughter, places her hand on Jim's arm to gain his attention.

"Jim, Amanda and I have made plans for all of us to have dinner tomorrow night."

The blond woman glances over her younger son's shoulder at a group of cadets (except one who is dressed in engineering red) trying their very best to appear as if they are not desperate for Jim to join them.

"We assumed you would want to spend tonight celebrating with friends. Also, I heard that Sp..."

Winona is cut off by a sharp cough and a pointed look from Sarek.

"Uh, never mind."

Kirk gaze jumps between his mother and Sarek and is going to ask for an explanation, but they all deliver their quick goodbyes and run off before he can form any words.

_'That was weird. Then again, they ARE weird.'_

Kirk walks over to where McCoy, Gaila, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura and Scotty are waiting for him and wraps an arm around his best friend's neck.

"So what is the plan for tonight?"

McCoy shrugs out of Jim's hold and glares at him.

"First off, stop molesting me..."

Kirk leans over to Sulu and whispers in his ear.

"He secretly loves it."

Sulu snickers, but stops when McCoy sets his narrowed eyes on him.

"Second, we're all gonna go to your apartment and change out of these instruments of torture. We all brought a change of clothes. We will be ready to party after that. Prepare for an all nighter, boy."

Kirk flashes a wide smile, that he hopes doesn't look as fake as it feels.

_'I want them to have a good night. I will not burden them with my emo troubles.'_

He leads the group through the thinning crowd and out of the auditorium.

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The group of friends are standing outside the door of Kirk's apartment, laughing at something Scotty has said, waiting for Jim to enter the unlocking code. As he goes to enter the numbers, he notices in his peripheral vision that Uhura's gaze barely leaves Scotty's face and there is a slight red blush to her dark cheeks.

_'Well, that's an interesting development. Now I know why she hasn't tried anything with Spock. It's good to know she is finally moving on and I think Scotty will be good for her.'_

Before the pain of mentioning Spock (even in his head) can fully surface, the door opens and Spock is standing just past the frame.

Jim just blinks.

_'Great! Now I'm hallucinating. I hope Bones wont have me committed.'_

Jim's frozen form is suddenly pushed out of the way by an irate McCoy, who steps up to Spock and begins shoving the Vulcan forcefully into the apartment.

"You green-blooded son of a bitch! I should kill you for what you have done to Jim."

The others stand around Jim for a moment before rushing in behind the two men, and Jim finds himself alone in the hall.

_'Guess I am not imagining things, but what the hell is going on?'_

Jim is snapped out of his confused haze when he hears more than one muffled shout and glass shattering within the living room. He sprints in, worried that Spock has thrown Bones out the window (or vice-versa).

When Kirk enters the living room, he finds Spock standing in front of a, now broken, window with his eyebrow raised at an enraged McCoy. The doctor is standing near the display case, where Kirk notes that his husbands award for 'Scientific Excellence' in space fungi (who knew that mould would have it's own category) is missing.

"_Ah. That explains the broken window.'_

He takes a quick look around the room and finds that rest of his friends huddled together near the sofa with frightened expression (except Scotty, who has somehow gotten his hands on popcorn). Jim turns back to the scene unfolding between his bond-mate and his best friend.

"Stand still you goddamn hobgoblin! I can't hit your stupid face if you move."

Spock actually rolls his eyes.

"That, Doctor, is exactly why I did move. You must more mentally impaired than I originally thought if you think I will stand motionless while you throw projectiles at me."

This just infuriates McCoy further and he goes to grab another award from the shelf. Kirk thinks it is hilarious that his friend grabs the award Spock got for the improvements he made to Starfleet's conflict resolution policies.

Jim quickly steps up to McCoy and snatches the award from his hand.

"No more throwing things, Bones. Especially out the window. You could hurt someone. You're not a teenage girl having a hissy fit, so stop acting like one."

McCoy spins around to face his blond friend with anger still etched into every part of his face.

"I should throw _him_ out the window. After everything he has put you through, how can you defend him?"

Kirk's heart swells at his friend's protectiveness and gives McCoy a small smile that communicates his appreciation.

Jim's blue eyes leave the doctor and instead focus on his bond-mate's handsome face. His smile disappears.

"I'm not defending him. I'm just trying to make sure that innocent inanimate objects don't get hurt and I don't have to pay for damages. That's all."

Spock stares at Jim with a pleading expression.

"T'hy'la, I have come here so that we may..."

Jim shuts him up with a deadly glare and places a finger to his lips, telling Spock that it is not his time to speak.

"Spock, your turn to speak hasn't arrived yet, so kindly shut up. Also, don't call me that. I don't want to hear that word leave your mouth. You lost the privilege of using it."

Spock slams his mouth shut and looks appropriately chastised. Kirk sees this as his opportunity to address his friends. He turns to the group who are crowded together by the sofa, McCoy being pulled over to them by a brave Gaila, and sighs.

"Sorry guys, but it looks like the celebrations are over... at least for me. Go and have fun without me. I'll see you guys in two day when we launch, if not before."

The cluster of cadets (and Scotty) nod in unison and quickly make their way out of the apartment. Kirk still wonders where Scotty got the popcorn (and the milk duds in his back pocket). The only people left in the living room are Jim, Spock, McCoy and Gaila, who Jim thinks is only there to ensure that McCoy doesn't try to attack Spock again.

Jim walks over to the couple and lays a hand on McCoy's shoulder in an assuring manner. Gaila smiles weakly at him from behind her betrothed. The blond returns the smile before focusing on his agitated best friend.

"Bones, I'll be fine. This needs to be done. He is still my bond-mate and we have to talk this out. I'll call you later."

McCoy shoves a finger at Jim's chest. The younger man winces at the force.

_'Shit! Bones is really pissed off. He not normally this rough with me... unless he is stabbing me with a hypo.'_

"If I don't hear from you by 7am tomorrow morning, I'm gonna break in here and kill him..."

McCoy's finger leaves Kirk's chest and points to Spock.

"...and then I will track you down and kill you too."

The finger of doom comes back to its original position and shoves at Jim one last time. Kirk bats the finger away and rubs at his (sure to be bruised) chest.

"Got it, Bones. Don't worry, I'll take care of myself."

McCoy just scoffs and stomps out of the apartment without another word, as Jim watches helplessly. He hates it when Bones is made at him. Gaila, who is still standing in front of Jim, takes both of his hands in hers and rubs them in a soothing manner. They both turn to Spock when a snarl echoes throughout the room. Gaila rolls her eyes.

"Oh shut it, you green-blooded moron. I am allowed to comfort a friend."

She faces Kirk and her expression softens.

"Jim, Len isn't angry at you, he is just worried. Under normal circumstances, he knows that you can take care for yourself, but he also knows that when it comes to Spock, you have no self preservation."

She squeezes his hands once before letting go.

"Just be careful. A heart can only take so much hurt before it dies."

She gives Spock one last glare before spinning on her heels and exiting the apartment.

As soon as Jim hears the door's automatic locks activate, he begins making his journey towards where Spock is standing. When he is less then a foot away from the Vulcan he stops. His eyes lock with Spock's and he waits.

"T'hy'la, I am so sorry."

Red floods Kirk's vision at the use of that endearment. His fist clenches at his side and swings forward. Instant pain shoots up his arm as he makes contact with Spock's jaw, but it is worth it when he sees green blood begin to rise to the surface of his husband's skin.

_'God, that felt good.'_

Jim's eyes narrow as he gazes into Spock's shock filled ones.

"I said you don't get to call me that."

/

**This story is a monster and it just keeps growing. I said last time that there would only be two more chapters... that was a lie. There are going to be _at least _three more after this one. **

**Reviews keep me ficcing!**


	19. Chapter 19

**The chapter you have all been waiting for. The confrontation! Hopefully it won't  
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**Thank you to my beta CMM, who made a lot of great additions to this chapter (sex scene baby! also some added angst) I really should give co-author credit for the work she does.**

**Star Trek isn't mine.**

**/**

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Spock's hand goes to his jaw as he stares at his bond-mate in shock. Jim absently massages his aching hand, which is not broken (but will need some ice on it soon) and continues to glare at the Vulcan before him. The tense, unhappy silence continues for another two minutes before Kirk finally speaks. His voice is almost a snarl.

"What do you want, Spock? You have already made it perfectly clear that you want our bond destroyed. What is left to say, really? Do you have to show up today, of all days, and make _sure _my heart is broken? Well, don't bother, you bastard. It is; you did the job. Now just get the fuck out of here."

Spock's gaze drops to where Jim is cradling his injured hand and then it returns to the human's face, concern in his brown eyes. He begins reaching for Kirk's hands with his own.

"I think we should see to your hand before we..."

Kirk jumps away from Spock as if he were holding a red hot poker and not reaching out in comfort. Spock quickly retracts his hand, placing it behind his back and clutching its twin.

"Don't touch me," Jim says quietly, but with an undertone of thunder in his voice. "Don't pretend you care about me, Spock. It's insulting. Whatever you want, whatever brought you here, let's just get this over with and then we can go our separate ways."

Spock stiffens. His expression is the Vulcan equivalent of indignant.

"I can assure you, t'hy... Jim, that my concern for you is not a façade. I am still your bond-mate. I have every right to ensure that you are not in pain."

Kirk is furious. He can't believe that Spock is pulling the bond-mate card when he is the one trying to dissolve the bond. And what's this crap about not wanting him in pain? Spock has been the sole cause of Jim's agony and now he is worried about a bruised hand. Jim's eyes narrow and he shoves a finger into Spock's chest as hard as he can (what's a little extra pain if it gets the message across?)

"What happened to my rights as your bond-mate when I wanted to talk to you at the fucking Embassy? Why should I even listen to a damn thing you have to say when you wouldn't even see me? And you talk about pain? Jesus Christ, I've been in screaming agony for days! If it weren't for my friends, my _real_ friends, I would have walked off a pier before now. So don't come around here and start pretending you give a shit. You've already proven you don't."

He turns his back on Spock, determined not to let his former love see the tears that are beginning to rise. Just having Spock in the same room is almost more than he can stand, too much temptation, too many memories, both good and bad, flooding through Jim until he can scarcely breathe. He turns back to Spock, controlling his breathing.

"Just go."

He says this softly, pain and weariness in every word. "Just leave me alone. Go back to the embassy. Go to the new colony. Go to Hell for all the difference it makes. We're done, Spock, and that was your choice, not mine."

Spock visibly winces as Jim's words fall like acid on his mind and heart, but he stands his ground. He again reaches out to his bond-mate, wanting to touch the beautifully flushed face, but he never makes contact. Jim, his Jim, who has always welcomed his touch from the very first time Spock laid his hand on Jim's shoulder, flinches away violently and Spock deflates slightly at the second rejection.

"Don't. Touch. Me! I don't care that you are still my bond-mate, you lost _that _right when you closed yourself off from me in every way possible without a single explanation. You can throw the term bond-mate around, but as far as I'm concerned, we're scarcely even acquaintances now."

Kirk can see that Spock wants to object, but he is grudgingly impressed with the Vulcan's self restraint. He takes a step away from Spock, so that he can think more clearly. The scent, sight and heat of his husband are all overwhelming his senses, and despite his anger, despite his pain, it's all Jim can do not to simply throw himself into Spock's arms, pretend that the past week or more never occurred. He has to be strong. He can't afford to lose concentration.

Jim crosses his arms over his chest and begins taping his foot with showy impatience, but Spock stays silent.

"Well? You came here to talk, so fucking talk! I want this over with, so I can finally gather what is left of my life and move on."

Spock's hands are now at his side, slowly opening and closing. Jim is the only person, beside Spock's parents, who knows that these actions signify that the Vulcan is beyond nervous.

"I know that I have hurt you..."

Jim breaks into hysterical laughter.

"Hurt me?"

He has to clench his fists to keep from slapping Spock, wincing as his bruised hand protests again.

"You fucking bastard! You devastated me! You destroyed me! You destroyed _us_!"

"...and I will understand if you wish to break our bond. I just came here to tell you that if our bond is to be dissolved, it will not be because I desire it, not any longer. The fate of our bond rests solely in your hands, Jim."

Kirk's arms tighten around himself as if he is both trying to re-enforce his strength and protect himself from harm.

"Wait a fucking second. You don't get to pass the buck like that with no real explanation. I want to know why you did this to me... to us. Don't lay the fate of our bond on _my _shoulders, you son of a bitch!"

Jim is yelling now; he can't help it.

"_You're_ the one who insisted on leaving. _You're _the one who told me through a fucking data chip that we were done!"

Spock sighs and takes a half step closer to his mate, careful not to spook him.

"I was led to believe that my older self informed you of my reasoning. I would just be repeating what he as already said."

Kirk rolls his eyes at Spock's obvious attempt to get out of having to explain himself. He would normally let it go. Not this time.

"Yeah, he did tell me, but I want to hear it from you, now. If you weren't such a fucking coward, I would have heard it days ago. If you were going to destroy us, you owed me the courtesy of a face-to-face explanation, but you ran off to hide in the embassy, skulking around behind flunkies and walls, leaving your counterpart to do your dirty work. Fuck that! I deserved better from you then, and I deserve it now. So either explain or get the fuck out of here."

Kirk can see a flash of anger take over Spock's face, but it disappears quickly.

_'Yeah, you better keep control of that anger, because you have absolutely no right to be angry at me, you stupid elf!'_

"I had thought it best to resign from Starfleet and move to the new Vulcan colony to help my people. I knew that you would give up your own promising career to follow me. I could not let that happen and the only way I could ensure that you did not deviate from your current path was to cut my ties with you. I was doing it to protect your future."

Hearing it, seeing Spock standing there, calmly explaining why he ripped Kirk's heart out, is more than Jim can take. Kirk growls and launches himself at the Vulcan. He pounds his fists against Spock's hard chest and screams.

"I have no future without you! Don't you get that, you bastard? By breaking up with me, you nearly killed me. My soul is dying without you! Does that make you happy? Does that fulfil your fucking need for control? Does that bring your people back? Does that rebuild your world?"

Jim's blows have lost their power and the last of his speech ends in a strangled sob. Spock hesitantly wraps his arms around his shaking mate, and Jim weeps into the Vulcan's neck, the tears of a lifetime, all the pain and rage and fear of the last weeks hitting Jim at once until he is crying so hard he can scarcely breathe, shaking with soul-deep pain. Spock's arms around him are his only refuge, and yet he can't trust that sanctuary; it may disappear at any time. But he can't move away; he can't let go. The warmth of Spock's embrace, the strength Jim has come to trust, the feel of that beloved body against his, the scents of green tea and cinnamon—all of these combine to create a chain that wraps itself around Jim's mind and heart and won't let go.

Spock is whispering, the deep voice soft and shaking with its own burden of pain.

"Jim, ashaya, beloved, please…do not weep, my only love….please, t'hy'la, please…you will break my heart…."

He continues to whisper words of comfort (both in Vulcan and Standard) into Jim's ear, supporting Jim's weight, softly stroking the bright hair until Jim finally relaxes into his embrace, his sobs diminishing as the storm of emotion burns itself to quietness. Finally, Jim realizes they are kneeling on the floor, each one holding up the other. Kirk's own arms encircle Spock's slim waist; his head lies on Spock's shoulder, so heavy he can hardly lift it. He presses his nose against the skin of the Vulcan's neck and inhales deeply. The scent of everything that is Spock calms him. It always has.

"Please don't leave me, Spock."

Jim voice is hoarse with tears.

"This destiny of mine that you are so worried about is worth nothing if I don't have you. Don't you see? I can't do this without you; I don't want to even try. I meant what I said—you destroyed me; you've crippled me. Without you, there is no Jim Kirk, no shining hero for Starfleet. There's just me, defeated, crushed."

His head drops back onto Spock's shoulder as Jim shivers from the overload of stress hormones flooding his body.

Spock kisses the top of Jim's head and brushes a hand through the human's soft, blond hair.

"I will not leave you, t'hy'la. I should never have applied for the breaking of our bond. I am sorry, grieved to the very depths of my soul, for what I have done to you. Please, ashaya, t'hy'la, beloved, let me come back. Let me come home."

He holds Jim closer, feeling that beloved body pressed next to his, feeling all of Jim's pain running through his own soul, but Spock does not try to shield. He deserves every spike of agony that Jim's anguish drives through his heart.

"I love you. I never stopped. But I don't know what to think, what to do."

"Can you forgive me? Can we start again?"

Deep within himself, Spock is confident of the answer, so Jim's reply shocks him to his soul.

"I…don't know."

Kirk stiffens in Spock's grasp. He has missed Spock so much that it physically hurt, so it is a relief to be in his arms again. He is, however, not sure if he is able to forgive Spock just yet.

Spock pulls away and places a hand on Jim's chin, raising it until their eyes meet. Jim's eyes are still blurred with tears. Spock's are dry, but the look in them is terrible, a wilderness of desolation showing in his gaze.

"Ashayam, you do forgive me, do you not?"

Kirk tries to move out of Spock's grip, so that he doesn't have to look into those desperate eyes, but his husband hold him in place.

"It's not that simple, Spock. I do forgive you; I forgave you before you even asked."

Jim speaks slowly, the words rising from a place so deep within him that he wasn't even aware of its existence.

"But can I trust you? How can I know that I won't turn around tomorrow and find you gone again? What if your people have another crisis? What if you get tired of Starfleet? What if you just decide you don't want to be bonded to an irrational human? How can I _ever_ know that our vows mean to you what they do to me, when you were ready to break them?"

Spock releases Jim as if he has been burnt and backs away. For long moments, they simply look at each other. Spock sighs, a sound so wounded and desperate that Jim stretches out an involuntary hand, but Spock does not take it. Slowly, reluctantly, Spock nods.

"You are right. I have destroyed the trust between us. I have broken your heart for nothing. You are right not to trust me, my Jim. A single act of stupidity has caused me to lose everything I love."

A single tear rolls down Spock's check. Its falling rips Jim's heart from his chest.

"I will go."

Spock's voice is so soft Jim can scarcely hear it. But he can clearly hear the mental voice of his bond-mate.

'_Would that I had died with Vulcan.'_

Jim's heart freezes within him. Selik had warned him of this, warned him that Vulcans can will themselves into death. If he turns his back on Spock now, will his mate even try to live?

_'No, he can't! I won't let him leave me again. He is mine!'_

It's instinctive. In two strides, Jim crosses the room, catching Spock in his arms, pulling him into a desperate embrace.

"No."

It's a desperate whisper.

"No. You can't walk away from me, from us. You can't go off and shut yourself down. I love you, Spock. We've got to fight this; we've got to find our way back—together."

Their lips meet, and Spock can hear his mate's thoughts, _'Please, love; don't. Live for me, for us.'_

Jim moans into Spock's open mouth before he breaks the kiss.

"You are not allowed to die. You are mine. You stay with me."

Spock shakes his head as if shaking off the effects of the kiss and tries to move away. Jim won't allow it. He clings to Spock, unwilling to let go for even an instant.

"But you do not forgive or trust me. How can I stay with you? How can I make it right when you suspect my every word, my every action, and rightly so?"

Kirk can't help but feel that they are getting nowhere. They need something more.

"Open the bond and meld with me. We need to sort this out and this is the only way."

Faster then Jim would have thought possible, Spock is pressing his fingers to his mate's psi-points and whispering the words that are well known to both men.

"My mind to your mind. My thoughts..."

_'… to your thoughts.'_

Just as the meld begins, Spock lifts his shield that is blocking their bond and Jim's almost pummelled by the sheer force of Spock's emotions. Shame, regret, pride, lust (just to name a few), but the most powerful of them is love. Spock's love pushes its way through the bond and bursts into Kirk's mind like rays of sunlight. Jim moans at the sheer pleasure of it. His own mind responds by filling all of the Vulcan's senses with his own love. Spock's fingers tremble against the human's face. Jim can feel Spock's very soul melting into Jim's, his body shaking as he absorbs the emotions coursing through them both.

Despite all the pain in Jim's soul, he still feels simple joy at being able to cause such a reaction in his husband. He goes to rub it into Spock's (mental) face, but is distracted by a ball of light hovering within his brain, around his mental form. He instinctively knows that it is one of Spock's memories. He hesitates, worried that he is invading his lover's privacy. That concern is placated when Spock's own psychic form appears in Jim's mind and pushes the ball of light towards a mesmerised Kirk.

_'Hopefully this memory will show you why I can guarantee that I will never leave you again.'_

Kirk grabs at the ball and holds it in his hand. Suddenly, he is engulfed in a blinding light.

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

_Spock is sitting in a modest hover car in front of his apartment building, next to an uncharacteristically nervous Selik._

_The old Vulcan turns to Spock as he lifts a slim chain up from around his neck and over his head._

"_As I mentioned before, I have something to show you. It is the only personal possession I took with me on my mission to save Romulus. It is extremely precious to me, but I know that you will treat it with the utmost care."_

_Selik pauses and waits for Spock to gesture his agreement to this assumption. Spock's eyebrow lifts at the unspoken fear that resides within his counterpart._

"_Elder, I assure you that I will be most careful with any of your belongings you wish me to look at."_

_Selik nods and reluctantly hands over what Spock realises is a holo emitter._

"_I will take a leisurely stroll around the complex, so that you may have some privacy."_

_Spock goes to object, but Selik will not let him._

"_It is a message best heard alone. Also, I am afraid that even after all these years I still become emotionally compromised when hearing it. I would not wish for you to see me in such a state."_

_Selik quietly exits the vehicle and Spock is alone. He presses the button to activate the holo._

_It is Jim, but not the Jim that he is bonded to. This man is much older and wider around the middle than his lover. His eyes though, shine with the same spirit as his James. He is beautiful, but then Spock knows that any incarnation of James T. Kirk would be. It takes Spock a moment to realise that this Kirk is singing. He focuses on listening intently._

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."

_This Jim stops singing and grins. Spock gasps at how similar the man's expression is to the Jim that belongs to him. The eyes are an intriguing mix of gold, green, and brown, not blue, but the love shining warmly through them is the same._

"I know, I know, it's illogical to celebrate something you had nothing to do with, but I haven't had the chance to congratulate you on your appointment to the ambassadorship, since you are off world at the moment, so I thought I'd seize the occasion... Bravo, Spock. They tell me your first mission may take you away from me for awhile, so I'll be the first to wish you luck and to say... I miss you, t'hy'la. I always do, even when we're apart for a few hours."

_Even though the image is small, Spock can still make out the glistening of tears in this older Kirk's eyes. The Vulcan's heart swells at the knowledge that it seems in at least two realities he has had Jim's love._

"I suppose I always imagined us outgrowing Starfleet together. Watching life swing us into our Emeritus years, I look around at the new cadets now and can't help thinking... has it really been so long? Wasn't it only yesterday we stepped onto the Enterprise as boys? That I had to prove to the crew I deserved command... and their respect? It wasn't that long ago that we fell in love and bonded, I'm sure of it. It seems like yesterday in some respects, and yet it also seems like I've loved you forever, my whole life, and before that."

_Spock watches as the image of Kirk rolls his eyes._

"I know, love; I'm being illogical. And I know what you'd say about those cadets, those eager youngsters. `It's their turn now, Jim.' And of course you're right, but it got me thinking..."

_The man pauses and Spock unconsciously moves his face closer to the holo, willing it to continue._

"Who's to say we can't go one more round? By the last tally, only twenty five percent of the galaxy's been chartered. I'd call that negligent. Criminal even...an invitation. You once said being a starship captain was my first, best destiny. If that's true, then yours is to be by my side as you have been all these years. If there's any true logic to the universe... we'll end up on that bridge again someday."

_Spock is finding the act of breathing more and more difficult and his heart nearly stops when this man, so much like his Jim, stares straight at him and his lips form the most breathtaking smile._

"Admit it, Ashaya. For people like us, the journey itself... is home. So continue on that journey, t'hy'la; I'll be waiting for you, whenever you come back to me. _You're_ my home, Spock. Never forget that."

_The hologram disappears and Spock sits there for endless minutes just staring at the deactivated device. His mind is filled with only one thought. Jim is his only destiny. Jim is his home._

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

The memory ends and both Spock and Kirk break away from the meld. They stand before each other, tears in their eyes.

"I was right in thinking that being a captain and travelling through space is your ultimate destiny. I just did not take into account that for you to reach that destiny, I would need to be at your side. My destiny is you. Our fates are irreversibly entwined. Leaving you means only agonizing pain for us both. I know that now."

Spock's voice drops to a shaking whisper.

"I beg thee, forgive me. Let me spend the rest of my life proving my love. Or…let me die. I deserve no less. T'hy'la, please."

Spock stretches out his hands.

"Please."

Jim slowly extends his own hands. They're shaking; he hardly notices.

"Oh, God, Spock. Yes."

Slowly, reverently, Spock takes Jim's hands in his. Then suddenly, shockingly, he kneels at Jim's feet, still holding his hands.

"My life is yours, t'hy'la. May all my gods abandon me if I ever hurt you so again. Ask of me what you will. All that I am, all that I ever could be, is yours, now and forever."

He brings Jim's hands to his lips, pressing hot, fervent kisses into the flesh, a single tear splashing on Jim's knuckles. He sinks to his knees as well, pulling Spock into his arms. For long moments, they simply hold onto each other, trying to regain control, Spock still murmuring softly, feeling Jim's pain, slowly, ever so slowly, fade away. Spock feels Jim stirring in his arms, feels his own body respond as the sight, the scent, and the feel of his beloved, coupled with Spock's overwhelming relief and love, begins to arouse him. He rises easily to his feet, Jim still clasped tightly in his arms.

"Jim," Spock whispers, his lips moving along Kirk's throat as Jim arches his neck and gives his love better access. "I…I want you. But if you cannot respond to me right now, if you are too weary, too emotionally drained…"

Kirk merely pulls Spock closer, all but winding himself around his love, knowing that Spock won't let him fall—never again. His warm lips nip the lobe of one pointed ear as he lets his hand slide up Spock's neck and bury itself in that soft, shining black hair.

"I want you too, love. I'm so hungry for you. Please, take me. Make love to me-now."

Spock's lips crash against Jim's. The kiss is hungry and desperate as they try to melt into one being.

_'I forgive you, Spock. I want you; I never stopped wanting you. I never will.'_

These voiceless words sent through the bond seem to ignite a fire within Spock. He growls against Kirk's lips and deepens the kiss further. The Vulcan's hands travel to Jim's ass and he pulls the man closer to him, so that he can feel his bond-mate's erection brush against his abdomen. The added friction makes Jim moan.

_'Bed! We need a bed now!'_

Spock, still carrying Jim, strides towards their bedroom, never breaking the kiss he is sharing with his mate.

_'I have missed you so much, Ashayam. My body burns for you.'_

They are at the foot of the bed when Kirk breaks the kiss suddenly. He begins searching Spock's face for something, his blue eyes containing small traces of concern.

"Burning?"

he questions softly. He reached out and lays a gentle hand on Spock's cheek.

"You're not going through Pon Farr, are you?"

Jim thinks to himself that that would at least explain Spock's emotional state—but then, so would the destruction of his home world. Spock shakes his head as he places a chaste kiss on Jim's bruised lips.

"No, I am not. What I am feeling is a perfectly normal reaction for a Vulcan who has been separated from his bond-mate for a significant amount of time."

Kirk tries to do the one eyebrow thing, but in the end settles for raising both.

_'Damn Spock and Bones for having a magical eyebrow. I will master it one day.'_

"Even when you are the one who caused the separation?"

Kirk meant it as a joke, but by the mixture of guilt and determination in Spock's expression, he knows that the Vulcan took him seriously.

"I was a fool. I am going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, t'hy'la."

Kirk pulls Spock in for another kiss, resolved to distract Spock away from his guilt.

_'I'm sorry, t'hy'la. I shouldn't throw that back in your face. It's all right. But I do like the sound of that whole 'making it up to me' thing. I can see chocolate body paint and handcuffs in the near future. After all, I did promise and now you have to go along with it, without complaint.'_

Kirk lets out a surprised yelp when he is ripped away from Spock's lips and thrown on the bed. He lies there silently watching as Spock quickly strips off his Vulcan robes, revealing that hard, spare, totally amazing body. Jim can feel himself getting harder just from filling his eyes with Spock, _his _Spock, his love. The Vulcan stands next to the bed in only his boxer briefs and quirks an eyebrow at his gaping bond-mate

"You are overdressed."

Jim looks down at himself and notices that he is still dressed in his cadet uniform, though it is thoroughly rumpled. He glances back up at Spock through his thick lashes and sends the Vulcan his most provocative smile.

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

He gasps as Spock all but throws himself on top of Jim, his hands going to the fastenings of the uniform tunic, but they are never unfastened. Vulcan strength tears the cloth as if it were paper, stripping Jim faster than he could ever imagine. In moments, he is completely naked, completely covered by a hot, aroused, repentant Vulcan, who is drowning Jim with kisses, even as his hands begin to map out every single sensitive spot on Jim's skin.

"Hey."

Jim protests softly, wiggling slightly.

"Hang on, love; just let me…"

He gasps as Spock simply pins him down more firmly, his lips finding and suckling Jim's tender nipples, one after the other, as his hands stroke down Jim's torso and flanks.

'_Lie still,_' Spock's mind whisper to Jim's. '_Let me do this for you, ashaya. Let me love you_.'

Jim lies back, abandoning himself to that strength, that need, that overwhelming desire and love and worship that he can feel in Spock's hands, in his mouth, as Spock strokes and fondles, kisses and licks, every inch of Jim, re-learning the beloved landscape, wondering how he could have ever imagined that he could walk away from this golden human.

'_Not for my world._'

Spock thinks this as he licks a path down Jim's torso, filling his being with the taste and scent of his human.

'_Not for all the worlds in the galaxy, ashaya.'_

Their bond is wide-open now, and Jim moans softly as he feels all the love, all the grief, and all the desire flowing through him from Spock. He moans again as Spock's mouth, so hot, so gentle, closes over his aching flesh, as those long, clever fingers move into him, opening him, stroking him from within and without as Jim arches helplessly, on fire now, unable to hold back, exploding with a strangled sob into Spock's throat. No sooner does Jim come down from his orgasm than Spock is up, over, and inside of him. His hard cock, silky and moist with his natural lubrication, letting Spock drive himself home with tender power, filling Jim's body as he fills his mind and heart, sliding deep inside Jim and then back out, in once more and out yet again. Jim's own body responds, re-hardening, his erection sliding between them as Spock moves in him. They cling to each other, riding the waves of passion, as Spock convulses, throbbing deep inside Jim, the feel of his climax igniting Jim's yet again.

Moments pass and Spock is still slumped on top of Kirk. The Vulcan presses sloppy, exhausted kisses to the Jim's neck. His hands slide down Jim's torso and cup him, cradling that warm, heavy weight, but Jim gently removes himself from Spock's grasp.

"All right, enough of that, mister. We need to get cleaned up and get some sleep. We can mess around again tomorrow."

Spock groans disappointedly, but moves to get off his bond-mate. They stagger from the bed and make their way to the bathroom, holding hands the whole time. Of course, Spock jumps Jim in the shower. Of course, Jim lets him. They completely drain the hot water tank and leave puddles all over the floor, but it's worth it. It's worth everything.

After thoroughly drying each other (which led to Spock jumping Jim on the bedroom floor, which necessitated a quick sponge bath and more towels), Spock and Jim finally make it to the bed for sleep. Kirk lay on his side facing the door, while Spock spoons him and holds him flush against his warm body. Jim just begins to drift off as Spock nuzzles his neck, but then he is brought back to awareness by the deep, husky sound of his husband's voice.

"Jim, I wish to apply for the positions of chief science officer and first officer aboard your ship. If needed, I am willing to supply character references."

Kirk chuckles sleepily as he pushes himself further back into Spock's embrace.

"No references are needed, especially not after the last hour and a half. Welcome to the crew, Commander Spock."

Jim can feel a tension Spock probably didn't know was there leave his mate's frame. He comes to understand that Spock was worried that he may have missed his chance. The Vulcan must have forgotten in their short time apart that James T. Kirk is a stubborn bastard who would only want the best on the _Enterprise. _Spock is the best.

"Thank you, Captain."

Kirk is again about to fall asleep, but then he remembers something. He knows it's mean, but Spock does sort of deserve a little more punishment. This will do the job just fine.

"Oh, before I forget, you are coming with me to dinner with my mom and brother and your parents tomorrow night. It'll be fun."

Jim's lips form a smug grin when he feels Spock go rigid for a moment before relaxing.

"Indeed..."

The Vulcan sighs against Kirk's neck before continuing.

"...I look forward to it with much anticipation."

Jim bursts into laughter, the first real mirth he's felt in days, and Spock hugs him tight, revelling in the joy that comes through their bond. They fall asleep together, love and laughter still reverberating through their healed bond.

/

**Phew! that was the longest chapter ever!**

**Two more chapters to go and then the epilogue. Next chapter will be up next Friday.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Oh Bones, I love writing you. **

**The boys have to deal with McCoy's reaction and face up to the family.**

**Thank you CMM for being a fantstic beta.**

**I don't own star trek.**

/

/

Jim wakes suddenly, heart pounding, head throbbing. The room is completely dark. He bites back a moan of utter despair. He'd dreamed that Spock was here, that Spock had come back to him, that they had reconciled and made love and Spock had sworn he would never, ever leave Jim again. It had been such a sweet, wonderful dream, but now it is over. There is only the dark room, the utter desolation, the…the strong, loving arms that are instantly wrapped around Jim's body.

"Hush, ashaya."

Spock's voice whispers this gently into the darkness. He pulls Jim into a tight embrace, tucking the human's head beneath his chin, feeling Jim's body shaking from released tension. "I am here, t'hy'la."

Spock's hand moving soothingly up and down Jim's back in a rhythm that his body remembers at once.

"It is all right, beloved. I am here, where I belong."

"Oh, God, Spock."

Jim holds onto him with strength that is almost Vulcan.

"I thought I'd dreamed it," he whispers, almost choking on the words. "I thought I'd dreamed it all."

"My poor Jim."

Spock kisses the top of Jim's head, his hands still caressing the human.

"I am so sorry, but you will never have to fear this again. Feel me, t'hy'la, feel me here, in your mind and heart."

His lips brush Jim's temple, and their bond springs to life, almost singing as the warmth of Spock's love flows through it.

"I swear to thee, never again. I will always be with you. I will never leave you to the darkness."

Jim relaxes, feeling Spock cradling him in his arms, feeling the anxious, tender love washing away the terror and despair.

"I'm all right," Jim murmurs, eyes drooping. "We're…all right…"

His eyes close as his exhausted body once again falls into sleep. Spock pulls the covers up over both of them and holds on, determined to watch over his love for the rest of the night, determined to drive away all the pain. He lies awake for hours, watching Jim's face in the dim light from the streetlamp, re-memorizing every precious line, until even Vulcan strength gives out, and Spock falls asleep in Jim's arms.

Kirk wakes again to the sound of the comm. unit beeping, then squawking, then shrieking. He's still wrapped in Spock's arms, but the Vulcan is fast asleep.

_'He mustn't have had any real rest during our time apart if he can sleep through this.'_

Jim is tempted to ignore whoever is calling, snuggle against Spock and settle back to sleep, but one glance at the clock has him quickly dismissing that idea. It is 8a.m.

_'Shit! Bones must be pitching a fit.'_

He carefully untangles himself from his husband, trying to leave his poor, exhausted love in peace, jumps out of the bed and races to the beeping device, nearly tripping over as he pull on his boxers from the night before.

Jim crashes on the chair at the desk and goes to open the connection, praying that is McCoy on the other end. If it is not, then it means that he is on his way over to kick both their asses, and Jim has just gotten Spock's ass back, so he doesn't want it damaged.

The screen comes to life. Jim lets out the breath he was holding. He has never been so happy to see his best friend's grumpy face in his life. He grins at McCoy, all the joy and relief in his mind and heart making him almost light-headed.

"About fucking time, kid! You promised to call me an hour ago. The only reason I am not over there right now is because Gaila stole all my shoes and reprogrammed the door's locking system. I would kill her if I didn't love her so goddamn much, the sneaky wench. Now what the Hell is going on?"

_'Definitely need to buy that girl some flowers.'_

Kirk can feel Spock's sleepy agreement as his mate stirs and picks up on McCoy's rant, which can probably be heard on Saturn.

_'I will purchase the chocolates to accompany the flowers. Perhaps a bottle of her favourite liquor as well.'_

Jim wants to laugh, but McCoy's red face (which is growing redder by the minute) has him stifling his amusement.

"From the look of you and the disgustingly naked Vulcan lying on your bed, I am guessing you guys have made up, and despite the fact he damned near killed you by breaking your heart, one good night's roll in the hay has fixed it."

Kirk stiffens in his seat as he hears the disappointment in McCoy's tone. Bones is his best friend in the world, but Jim doesn't understand why the man can't just be happy for him.

"Yeah, we worked most of it out. We will still have things to deal with, but we love each other, and from here on out we are going to deal with things together. We're back together, the way it should be."

McCoy fixes Jim in place with a sceptical lift of his eyebrow and a scowl that would lift paint off wood.

"That is until he suffers another emotional meltdown and shuts you out again, crawls off to his people and whines for shelter from the emotionally needy human."

Jim's lips tighten angrily. Friend or not, that's below the belt. He opens his mouth and then nearly jumps out of his seat when Spock's hand lands on his shoulder. From the corner of his eye, he notes that Spock, at some point, must have put on his meditation pants.

_'Thank god! Wouldn't want Bone's head to explode from the shock of seeing Spock's penis up close and personal.'_

Spock's amusement travels through the bond.

_'I am not sure that would be a __negative outcome, ashaya. Besides, he is a doctor. Surely he has seen genitals that are not attached to his body?'_

Jim doesn't respond and instead returns to focusing on his frustrated friend. He is about to open his mouth to re-assure McCoy that his fears are unfounded, but closes it when Spock speaks first.

"I can promise you, Doctor, that your concerns are groundless. I understand your anger; it is completely justified. But I will never close myself off to Jim again. I have come to the realisation that when I am emotionally compromised I need to discuss matters with my bond-mate, so that we may work together to solve the problem."

McCoy huffs an exasperated breath before bestowing upon Spock a look of withering superiority. Jim knows that look because it is the one that Spock has given McCoy on numerous occasions.

"Ain't that sweet? The hobgoblin has managed to learn a lesson after ripping out Jim's heart. He has found emotional balance and clarity. I guess alls well that ends well. Let's all hold hands and sing fucking Kumbayah!"

Kirk glares at the doctor through the comm. screen. Spock is looking hang-dog, and Jim is getting really pissed. Enough is enough.

"Bones! You are out of line!"

McCoy returns the glare with equal ferocity.

"No, I'm not. Look, I want you to be happy and if that walking computer does it for you then I won't stand in the way, but if you think I'm just gonna let everything he did to you go, you have another thing coming. I'm gonna be watching him, and if he hurts you again, I'll be there with a phaser set to kill." Bones makes a frustrated gesture. "Fuck that. I'm just gonna take a laser scalpel to his ears."

Jim is angry beyond words and expects Spock to also share that anger, but all he is sensing through the link is grudging respect.

"I am pleased that my bond-mate has such a loyal friend. I can assure you doctor, that you will not need to follow through with your threat."

McCoy continues to scowl at him unimpressed.

"It ain't a threat, it's a promise. I'll have my eye on you, Spock. One wrong step during our five-year mission and your ass is mine."

Spock's eyebrows shoot up at McCoy's choice of words and Jim can't help but chuckle.

"It is a mighty fine ass. I can totally understand why you would want to get your hands on it, Bones. I don't like sharing, though." Jim pastes a speculative look on his face. "Of course, a foursome with you and Gaila…now, there's a possibility." He licks his lips, all but choking with laughter as he feels Spock's outrage through the bond and sees the same emotion mirrored on Bones' face.

'_They've got more in common than they think.'_

McCoy makes a choking sound and shakes his head as if trying to dislodge the image of Spock's ass from his brain.

"Shut your mouth, kid! Now that I know you are... fine, I'm gonna leave you to it. I'll see you tomorrow at the shuttle bay."

The older man glances over and up at Spock, who is still standing at Jim's side.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow as well, Mr Spock."

Spock bows his head.

"Indeed you will. Enjoy the rest of your day."

McCoy growls to himself as he reaches out for the disconnect button.

"Yeah, whatever."

Before Jim can give his own good-bye, the screen goes black.

Kirk stands up and turns to face Spock, whose one eyebrow is still near his hairline.

"It seems that Leonard does not believe me to be sincere. For some reason I find this troubling."

Jim wraps his arms around Spock's waist and pulls him into an embrace. He buries his face into the Vulcan's warm neck. Kirk inhales the intoxicating scent of his bond-mate and basks in the feel of their chests pressed together. He wishes he could just crawl inside Spock and take up residence there. His voice is muffled by Spock's heated skin, but his words are still clear.

"It's all right, ashaya. I know you mean it, and Bones will come to realize that you do, too. Give him time. His ex-wife nearly destroyed him and he is worried you are going to turn out just like her. He will soften with time."

Kirk pauses thoughtfully, realizing just what kind of a miracle Gaila has wrought on Jim's crusty friend. Spock waits patiently for him to continue.

"Actually, it's kind of a miracle that proposed to Gaila after the clusterfuck that was his first marriage."

The look of complete surprise on Spock's face puzzles Jim for a moment until he remembers that Spock hasn't been around, so he wouldn't know about the newly engaged couple. He quickly explains about the ruby ring and the whole wedding plans thing.

"I agree that it is quite miraculous that McCoy has been able to move past such a horrible experience and grasp the opportunity to be content again. I would, however, have to disagree with your prediction that the doctor will, as you say, 'soften' in regards to myself. He was never particularly 'soft' towards me to begin with. The best I can hope for is that he will stop threatening to remove parts of my anatomy."

Kirk laughs, throwing his head back in merriment, which in turn makes Spock's mouth twitch slightly. "Don't give up on Bones yet. He always manages to surprise me by doing the unexpected. You'll probably end up best friends before the mission is over."

Spock can't help by show his scepticism with the tilt of his head.

"As the human expression goes 'I will not hold my breath'."

Jim's hand drops to entwine his fingers with Spock's and he pulls him towards the bathroom. Spock follows willingly.

"Let's go have a shower. After that, I need to call Pike and give him my crew list, which thanks to you, is now complete. You also probably need to speak to him as well. You know, to make sure that your commission is still active. If it's not, we need to file the papers and get you back in uniform." Jim pauses and wraps himself around his love again.

"Just so I can peel you out of it, of course," he whispers, nibbling gently on a pointed ear, feeling Spock melt against him.

Spock sends his agreement with his mind as he overtakes Jim and practically drags his mate towards the shower. Kirk chuckles at the Vulcan's eagerness.

"Don' get any ideas, love. We are just going to get clean and then get out and do what need to be done."

Once they stop in front of the shower cubicle, Spock turns and drops to his knees before his mate. The Vulcan stares up at his bond-mate with hunger in his eyes, and his clever hands got to the waistband of Jim's briefs, gently pulling them down, sliding them along golden thighs, letting his hands trace that path as well, and his hot fingers just brushing the soft hairs and making Jim tremble with renewed hunger. They're both breathing hard now, that longing, denied for week, sweeping through them yet again.

"T'hy'la, my race is renowned for their ideas in many fields and so as a Vulcan, I would be doing myself and others a disservice if I do not fully embrace any and every idea that may come to my mind."

Spock gets to his feet. One pale ivory hand trails down Jim's chest, past his belly button, stroking his stomach and then moving lower, Spock's fingers wrapping themselves around the blonde's penis as his other hand massages circles into Jim's lower back. Kirk's breath comes out in a hiss, and almost unconsciously, he begins to gently rock in Spock's grip.

"I would hate to be culturally insensitive, so I guess I will have to allow it."

Spock strokes Jim's cock once more, lingeringly, before letting it go. Jim whimpers at the loss. He watches as his Vulcan husband steps out of his pants and steps into the shower after activating the water. Kirk is frozen to the spot as he gazes at Spock under the spray of water, the stream outlining those rock-hard muscles, water running down Spock's body as his organ stirs from the weight of Jim's stare. Spock's deep voice gets his brain working again.

"Ashayam, the activities I have in mind also require your participation. Please join me so that we may commence."

Kirk's face splits with an excited grin. He doesn't need to be told twice. He steps into the shower and into Spock's arms and they pull each other close, each moaning as he feels the other's excitement.

It is a very long, _very _thorough shower.

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Hours later find the couple sitting at the desk, staring at the comm. screen that minutes before displayed the face of Admiral Christopher Pike.

Spock breaks the silence first.

"Though it was beneficial, I am surprised that Admiral Pike broke a number of Starfleet regulations by withholding my resignation from administration on a mere hunch. There was not sign of astonishment when I told him that I wished to be reinstated."

Kirk faces Spock and gives him a small shrug and a smug smile.

"He is Christopher fucking Pike. He is just awesome like that. I am seriously thinking of worshipping him as my new god."

Spock rolls his eyes at the childish response. Kirk's grin just widens.

"Jim, that response in no way adequately answered my query, but I thank you for making the effort."

Kirk nods, glancing at the clock and then curses under his breath. Spock stares at him in question.

"We should have left packing up your stuff until tonight instead of doing it before calling Pike, because now we have barely any time to get ready for the dinner with our families."

Suddenly, Kirk slaps himself on the forehead. Spock's eyes widen in shock at the unexpected action.

"Shit, fuck, shit! I forgot to call mom and tell her you're coming so she could change the reservation. They have probably already left."

Spock averts his eyes and a green blush stains his cheeks.

"Do not concern yourself, t'hy'la. I sent a message to my mother while you were packing up the guest room. She promised to make the appropriate changes to the restaurant reservation."

Kirk sighs in relief before glaring at Spock.

"Thanks for doing that, but next time tell me, so I don't scare myself to death."

Jim glances down at the track pants and t-shirt he is wearing then at the black meditation robes that adorn Spock's body. He gives a deep sigh.

"Now all we need to do is get ourselves changed and get down town in 25 minutes, during peak hour traffic."

Spock places a small peck on Jim's nose and caresses the soft blond hair before rising from his chair and walking to their shared closet.

"You have always managed to complete tasks that have been deemed impossible. Just see this as another opportunity to do so."

Kirk jumps from his seat and runs over to the closet that Spock has just opened, determined to meet the challenge put forth by his bond-mate. It's damned hard, though. There's a bed right there, and Jim's hungry for something other than food.

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They make it to the restaurant with one minute to spare, thanks mainly to the hover bike Jim had rented when he returned to Earth nearly 2 weeks ago. Jim is smug; Spock is almost green. Speed has never been a big turn-on for him, but he knows that living with Jim Kirk, he'll have to adapt.

The couple walk up to the table where Sarek, Amanda, Sam and Winona are already seated and waiting. Jim is beaming at them, while Spock stands behind him, almost using his mate as a shield. He obviously fears how he will be treated by Jim's family, who have always been protective of their own.

Sarek and Spock exchange Vulcan greetings as Kirk kisses both his mother and mother in-law on the cheek. After Jim gives his Sam a loving slap on the back, he steps back and watches as his older brother and his husband enter into an epic staring contest. He feels that he should inform Sam that he never going to win seeing as how Spock is the king of not blinking, but he is too entertained to intervene. The stand-off goes on for a few seconds longer and then Sam inclines his head ever so slightly. Spock returns the gesture and with it, the tension has disappeared. Everyone goes to take their seats.

Jim's eyes narrow at Spock as they both sit down at the table next to each other.

_'What the hell was that about? Do you have a mental link with my brother now?'_

Spock glances around the table at the rest of their party as they study their menus before locking eyes with his bond-mate. Jim can hear Spock's laughter through the link.

_'I believe he was sending me a silent message, stating that violence will ensue if I ever hurt you again. After being bonded to you for so long, I was able to read his body language and respond accordingly. We now have reached an understanding. It is fascinating that words were not needed to do so.'_

Kirk just nods absently and goes to look over his own menu. He tries to find a dish that won't kill him, but is detracted by the feeling of someone watching him. He glances up and across the table to find Sarek gazing back at him. If he wasn't mistaken, he would swear that the older Vulcan looks pleased with himself (in a very Vulcan way of course).

"Your health appears to have improved significantly since I last saw you, James. This pleases me very much."

The other people around the table look up from their menus (except for Spock) and give Jim the once over for themselves. Amanda and Sam simply nod in agreement to Sarek's statement. Winona on the other hand, casts a quick look at Spock before tuning back to her youngest son and winks. Jim blushes.

"It's amazing what good sex can do for a person, isn't that right, Jimmy? Gives you that healthy glow I love to see."

The blush on Kirk's cheeks deepens in colour. He turns to Spock, expecting him to also be showing signs of embarrassment. What he finds instead is one very proud looking Vulcan.

_'You aren't acting very Vulcan-y, love. You should at least pretend to be embarrassed.'_

Spock turns his head to face Jim, as the rest of the table continue on with their conversation without them. If anything Spock looks even more smug.

_'Why should I be embarrassed? Your mother stated that your obvious physical and mental improvement is a direct result of my actions. It pleases me beyond words that I have been able to instil happiness within you. It shows that I am an adequate bond-mate.'_

Jim reaches for Spock's hand under the table and runs two fingers along the back of it. His own feeling of smugness surfaces when Spock's pupils dilate in response to the Vulcan kiss.

_'Ashaya, you are far more than just adequate and when we get home, I will __give you a chance (or six) to once again demonstrate your skills.'_

Spock flips his hand over and grasps Kirk's in a firm hold. A tingling warmth that Jim will never tire of spreads up his arm.

_'I will take full advantage of any opportunity you give me to pleasure you. __I promise, t'hy'la, before this night is over, you will scream my name.'_

The red that has just managed to disappear from Kirk's face returns with a vengeance. All the occupants of the table are now watching him with amused (and in Sarek and Amanda's case, knowing) expressions.

The uncomfortable silence (to Jim anyway) is broken when Sam whacks his younger brother in the back of his head.

"Get you mind out of the gutter, where I am sure it resides 99% of the time, and tell us a little about this new ship of yours."

The rest of the dinner is spent with everyone listening to Jim gush about the _USS Enterprise_ and his new crew.

His hand never leaves Spock's grasp. It's amazing how much you can eat using only one hand.

/

**Only one more full chapter left and then an epilogue. **

**Reviews feed the monster.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry it is a little late. I couldn't post it early becaue I went out to see the new Harry Potter movie, which was awesome by the way.**

**Thanks CMM for the great Beta job.**

**I Don't own Star Trek**

/

/

It is 6:58a.m. and Kirk is wide awake. He didn't get a wink of sleep and not just because he and Spock spent most of the night have relations of the intimate nature (chocolate body paint may or may not have been used; oh, Hell, let's face it. Two jars of the stuff was used).

Today is the day that Jim ships out on the _Enterprise _as her new captain. He is beyond excited (and more then a little nervous). He has been waiting for this day his whole life, and he has finally allowed himself to enjoy it because he now knows that Spock will be by his side on the bridge when the ship leaves Spacedock. Jim realizes anew that without Spock, this day would mean nothing.

Kirk turns over to face his Vulcan lover, his life partner, his t'hy'la, who is still sound asleep. In less than a minute, the alarm will sound and he will be able to gaze into the beautiful brown eyes of his bond-mate.

On cue, the shrill sound of the alarm fills the room. One of Spock's long arms reaches behind him and, without a single fumble, presses the snooze button. Spock's eyelids flutter for a moment before opening.

"Good morning, t'hy'la. Am I mistaken in thinking that you got very little sleep last night? I am chagrined; I had hoped to wear you out."

Jim closes the gap between them and presses his lips against Spock's in a chaste kiss. He moves back just enough to let the Vulcan see his brilliant smile.

"I was too hyped up to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that we are taking that beautiful girl out today. You and me. Jim and Spock. Captain and first officer. We are going to make space our bitch!"

Spock laughs at the last comment through their link and mumbles what Kirk is sure sounds like "illogical bond-mate," as he gracefully climbs out of bed. Kirk watches him in appreciation as the Vulcan steps into his silk meditation pants before the human joins him.

Jim steps up behind Spock**,** wrapping his arms around the Vulcan's waist and his naked body against Spock's. Despite the lack of sleep and the epic use of chocolate body pain, Jim feels his arousal start to simmer yet again. He sighs as he rubs his cheek against Spock's shoulder, breathing in the comforting scent of warm, sleepy, slightly chocolate-streaked Vulcan.

"So, shower time?"

Spock presses his hands over Kirk's, which are clasped against his abdomen. The cooler hands press closer to the Vulcan's heated skin for a moment before Spock reluctantly pulls out of Jim's embrace. He turns to the Human, who is pouting, and lifts an amused eyebrow.

"Yes, it would be beneficial for us to shower, but since we have a limited amount of time before we are expected at the shuttle hanger, we should utilise the shower facilities separately."

Kirk's pout becomes more pronounced and he gives his best 'sad puppy' expression.

"Some people would argue that by sharing a shower, we would actually be saving time."

Spock tilts his head and gives his mate the 'I'm not an idiot' look.

"Those people have never shared a shower with you, Ashayam."

Without conscious effort, a sly grin forms on Kirk's face and words leave his mouth before the filter in his brain can kick in.

"Some of them may have. As you know, I am a fan of sharing showers, and I _did_ have a love life before I meet you."

Spock growls as he closes the gap between him and Jim and grasps the back of the blonde's head and kisses him possessively.

_'You will no share a shower with anyone else but me!'_

When they separate, Kirk's face is the picture of smugness.

"So does that mean that I can join you?"

Spock leans in and brushes his lips against Jim's rounded ear and allows himself a small smile as he hears his mate's breath hitch and his eyes close.

"No, it does not."

By the time Kirk registers what Spock has said, the Vulcan has managed to enter the bathroom and lock the door.

Jim stomps towards the door blocking him for his (currently naked) husband and slams his fist against it.

"That was a cheap trick, love. I will get you back for that. Mark my words."

Spock's amusement enters his mind, along with the Vulcan's response.

_'I would expect nothing less from you, especially after being thwarted so easily.'_

Kirk responds by glaring harder at the closed door.

'_Just you wait until we're aboard the Enterprise. The ship's not that big. There'll be nowhere for you to hide.'_

'_Really, t'hy'la. You will have to present a picture of military decorum.'_

'_Oh, yeah? Not if we're trapped in a lift, I won't.'_

Jim is already planning how to make that happen, and just for spite, he sends an image of him, Spock, and a stuck lift, rocketing right through the bond and into his mate's head. Even over the hum of the sonics, he can hear Spock's chocked moan.

'_See how hot you look with your uniform pants around your knees?'_

Jim strolls away, satisfied that the day is starting perfectly.

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Jim tugs at the collar of his brand spanking new dress uniform as he walks towards the shuttle bay hanger. Spock, who is keeping pace next to Jim, slaps the fiddling hand away.

"Desist your fidgeting. You will wrinkle your uniform."`

Kirk huffs in annoyance, but drops his hands to his side to appease his lover.

"Don't smack your commanding officer's fingers," he huffs, a grin quirking one corner of his mouth. "I'll have you in the brig, mister, mark my words."

"I have no doubt that you will _have_ me everywhere you can arrange it, ashaya," Spock breathes into his ear, sending another stab of lust right through Jim.

Fuck. Him, Spock, and the brig. Now _that_ was hot. He swallows hard and decides to change the subject before he jumps Spock right here. He's pretty sure that would not be captainly behaviour.

"I'm just glad that once we are on board we will be able to change into our regular uniforms. I feel like this thing is trying to choke me."

Spock gives him a Vulcan eye roll and Jim is pretty sure he hears the words "drama queen" through their bond.

Kirk is about call his husband out on that comment, when he spots a familiar figure blocking the entrance to the hanger.

"Selik! You came."

Jim can feel Spock's envy begin to flare up at his obvious excitement at seeing the old Vulcan again and he has to use all his willpower not to laugh.

"Of course, Jim. It would be remiss of me to allow an old friend to leave without saying a proper goodbye."

Selik steps forward towards Jim, but Spock cuts him off.

"You have only known _my bond-mate_ for a little over two weeks. He is hardly an old friend."

Selik lifts his eyebrow in amusement at his counterpart's obvious jealousy. His lips twitch into a small smile.

"That is true. I have only known him for a short time, but I have also known him for most of my life. Do not worry, youngling. I have no desire to steal him from you. If that was my plan, I would have done so when you applied to dissolve the bond, and we would be halfway across the galaxy by now."

Spock has the grace to look ashamed, but he is still poised between them.

Spock is pushed to the side by Jim, who gives him a withering look.

"He has a point, Spock. Now let me say goodbye to my _friend_."

Spock nods sheepishly at his bond-mate and watches as Jim closes the distance between himself and the old Vulcan.

"Thanks, Selik, for everything. Keep in touch, okay? I'll want to know what's going on in your life, and I may need your advice on how to handle cement-headed Vulcans."

Selik lifts a hand to Jim's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. Spock shifts uncomfortably at the contact, but says nothing.

"There is nothing to thank me for. I was just ensuring that my counterpart would have the opportunity to experience the absolute joy of spending his life with a Jim Kirk. If anything, my actions could be seen as completely selfish."

Selik removes his hand from Kirk's shoulder and lifts it into the Vulcan salute.

"Be happy... both of you. I will hopefully see you soon."

Kirk nods and Spock gives a slight bow. Selik returns the bow and with tears in his eyes, walks away from the two young men that are starting on a journey that he completed many years ago.

Jim reaches out for Spock's hand as they both watch the elderly Vulcan disappear. They are silent for a few minutes before a smirking Kirk turns his gaze to Spock.

"So, tell me how it is logical to be jealous of _yourself?_"

Spock doesn't answer. He simply releases the Human's hand and opens the door to the hanger before entering. Spock glares at him, but there is no heat in it.

_'I will punish you for your teasing, t'hy'la. Just because you are my captain, does not mean I will not spank you.'_

Kirk chooses to ignore his husband (because this it not the time or the place to act on his growing lust) in favour of taking his place in formation before his assigned shuttle craft. He stands next to McCoy and claps the doctor on the back.

"Almost time for us to go, Bones. Are you excited?"

McCoy whips his head around to face his new captain and glares.

"I'm excited to get out of this goddamn strait-jacket. Whose bright idea was it to make the collars so high and tight anyway?"

Kirk is about to voice his own contempt for the dress uniforms, but Spock speaks first.

"I believe the answer to your question is Starfleet, Doctor."

McCoy's eyes travel past Jim and land on Spock, where they narrow.

"No one asked you, you stupid goddamn hobgob- OW!"

All three men look to the other side of where McCoy is standing to find Gaila with her fist still raised and giving her future husband the stink-eye.

"Be nice, Lenny. Spock made a mistake and he is trying to make amends. If Jimmy, who was the most hurt during this whole incident, has forgiven him, then you have absolutely no reason to be so mean. A real man knows when to let things go and I like to think that I am smart enough to be marrying a real man."

McCoy is red with embarrassment, Kirk is smiling in gratitude, and Spock is openly shocked. Kirk can understand his bond-mate's surprise. If anyone of his friends have the right to hold a grudge against Spock, it's Gaila. Spock never hid the fact that Gaila was not his most favourite person in the world. In many instances, he was just plain rude to her. The Orion definitely had a reason to hate him.

"Lt. Vro... Gaila, I am thankful to you for defending my person and I wish to apologise for my behaviour towards you since I first bonded with Jim. It was uncalled for. You have been an unwavering friend to my bond-mate and deserved to be treated with respect."

Gaila blushes and drops her head meekly in acknowledgement.

"Thank you, Spock. Now that we are putting all that behind us, I am sure we'll be able to become great friends."

McCoy looks horrified at the very idea that his fiancée might become bosom buddies with Spock. Everyone ignores his choking sounds. Jim just stares at Gaila and Spock as the two aliens continue to look at each other.

"I also wish to offer my congratulations on your engagement, but as the human phrase goes 'you could do better'."

Gaila tosses her head with a grin.

"Oh, I know that, but he makes a good salary, and despite his stick-up-the-butt-appearance, once you get him warmed up, he's real tiger in the sack."

Before McCoy can shout in outrage, trumpets sound and everyone straightens up in their lines. The large view screen in the hanger comes to life and Admiral Pike addresses the crowd.

"This is a day that will become a part of Federation history and you, the crew of the _USS Enterprise, _are lucky enough to be apart of it."

Kirk lifts his chin with pride at the mention of his new ship and crew.

"Today is the official launching of Starfleet's flagship, which will be embarking on its first five year mission. Those years will be filled with triumphs and tragedies and the unknown. However, what I do know is that you will meet each challenge to the best of your abilities and with courage in your hearts because that is what Starfleet trained you for."

Many of the people inside the hanger nod their heads in agreement.

"Remember this, you may be a young crew, with the youngest captain in the history of the Federation, but you have proven your worth... you have shown us that you are up for the task. Don't let anyone tell you any different."

From the corner of his eye, Jim spies Chekov straightening his shoulders and standing a little taller with renewed confidence.

"From all the Admiralty here at Starfleet, good luck and Godspeed. Pike out."

The view screen goes blank and a buzzer sounds, indicating that the crew may now board their shuttles that will take them to the _Enterprise._

Kirk and Spock stand in place as the senior bridge crew make their way onto the shuttle before them. Scotty is first to pass the captain and XO. He shoots Kirk a salute with one hand, while the other clutches a giant, half eaten sandwich. He is followed closely by Uhura, who flashes Kirk and Spock a friendly smile. Jim is worried for a moment that she is injured because of the way whe is hiding her hand behind her back, but his concern abates when she turns her back to him and sees a wrapped sandwich in her hand. Kirk chuckles, attractingSpock's attention. The Vulcan glances questioningly at him.

_'I'll explain later.'_

Spock nods.

Chekov and Sulu are next to make their way past the command team. They both smile and salute. Spock's eyebrows shoot up when he becomes aware of the fact that the pilot and navigator's hands are brushing together in a very deliberate manner. Jim just smiles knowingly.

'_Don't get all bent, t'hy'la. If we can do it, they can do it too._'

The bonded couple now watch as Gaila begins dragging McCoy up the ramp of the shuttle. When they get to the hatch, they turn to Spock and Kirk. McCoy rips his hand from the Orion's grip and places both of them on his hips.

"Well, are you two love birds coming or what?"

Kirk waves is impatient friend off.

"We'll be there in a second, Bones. Go make yourself comfortable. Make sure there are some vomit bags, so we don't have a repeat performance of the events when we first met."

With a shake of his head, McCoy takes Gaila's green hand and the engaged couple enter the shuttle, leaving Spock and Kirk alone. They turn to each other and Jim smiles.

"Are you ready for this, love?"

Spock reaches out towards Jim with two fingers and Kirk quickly places his own on top, returning the kiss.

"As long as I am with you, I am ready for anything."

Their fingers entwine and they walk hand in hand onto the shuttle that will take them to them to the _Enterprise _and towards their destiny, a destiny they will fulfil together, as it is meant to be.

At the far end of the hanger, a slender, elderly Vulcan watches as they disappear. He can still hear his own t'hy'la's voice.

'_If there's any true logic to the universe... we'll end up on that bridge again someday.'_

"You were right, ashaya," Selik whispers. "You were right."

**/**

**This is pretty much the end of the story. There will be an epilogue that will contain a certain wedding.**

**One more week and this will all be over.**


	22. Epilogue

**This is it! This story is finished.**

**Thank you everyone who reviewed. You kept me writing.**

**Also, I want to thank CMM for being such a fantastic Beta.**

**Enjoy!**

**Star Trek isn't mine.  
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/

/

Jim can't believe this is happening to him. She actually went through with it. He really had thought Gaila was joking all those months ago when she had brought it up. At the time he had other things on his mind (namely getting his stubborn Vulcan husband back) and had simply brushed off the Orion's words as a way to lighten the mood. He realises now that he should have known better. He blames Spock for putting him off his game and plans on making the Vulcan pay after the reception. There aren't enough chocolate sauce and vibrator attachments in the universe to pay off this debt, but Jim is goddamned well going to give it his best shot, especially if Spock doesn't quit laughing in his head!

Kirk shakes his head a little to pull himself out of his own thoughts. He is getting ahead of himself. Before he can even think about leaving the reception, he will to make it through the ceremony currently taking place. The ceremony he is a part of. The ceremony where he is wearing a _fucking dress. _A sky blue dress. Jesus, there goes his reputation as the manliest captain in the Fleet.

He is standing next to McCoy as his best man in a sky blue silk dress.

_'Fuck my life.'_

_'For the last time, t'hy'la, it is a robe,, not a dress. It is a traditional garb worn by Orion warriors. You should be pleased with the fact that Gaila chose a colour that flatters you. Your eyes are quite breath-taking in that shade of blue.'_

Kirk turns slightly to the seated guests and scans the faces until his eyes land on the smirking (for a Vulcan) face of his bond-mate.

_'Shut up, you. I don't care what you say, this is a fucking dress and why the hell doesn't __Bones__ have to wear one?'_

Spock doesn't answer. Jim tries to focus on the bond to figure out why his husband has gone silent and discovers feelings of amusement and... lust traveling through their bond from Spock's mind. Kirk's eyebrows shot up in question.

_'Lust? Really, ashayam? __You're getting hot seeing me in a dress?' _

Suddenly, this garb doesn't seem so bad (and Jim remembers that blue silk teddy one of his ex-girlfriends gave him as a joke. Hmmmm…).

Spock's gaze travels slowly up and down the length of his mate's body and his head tilts as he stares at Jim in open appreciation.

_'My apologies, ashaya. I have just realised that your outfit will allow me easy access to your body once we have the opportunity to participate in sexual intercourse. This realisation has caused a spike in my hormone production.'_

Kirk's eyes widen and a red blush stains his cheeks. Another wave of lust from his husband has him shifting on his feet and trying to squash down his arousal.

_'You are extremely aesthetically pleasing when you blush and I wish to continue eliciting similar responses from you, but I believe it would be best if you return your focus to the end of this wedding ceremony. You would not want Admiral Pike to know that you were distracted while he gave his sermon.'_

Jim nods in agreement and (reluctantly) turns back to watch McCoy and Gaila, who are clasping hands, and Pike who is standing before the couple in his dress uniform.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Before McCoy can make even the smallest movement towards his new wife, Gaila grabs the doctor by the back of his neck and pulls him into a pretty racy (but what else did he expect from Gaila) kiss. Pike is surprised for a moment, but recovers quickly.

"Or kiss the groom. I'm not fussyeither way."

That seems to snap everyone out of their dazed states and the whole chapel bursts into applause. The newly married couple continue kissing as if they are the only two people in the universe. Kirk is sure that to them, at this moment in time, they _are_ the only people in the universe. He can't help but smile at that.

_}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{_

A couple of wedding photos (and more than a couple of drinks) later finds Kirk standing at the bar talking with Pike, still in the blue dress, which seems a lot more bearable now that he knows his Vulcan warrior bond mate is literally counting the seconds until he can peel Jim out of it.

"Not that I am complaining, but why didn't you preside over the wedding? McCoy and Vro could have done this much earlier if they didn't have to wait for me to fly out to meet you."

Kirk shakes his head in slight amusement at the confused admiral.

"I told them that, but they wanted me in the wedding party. I am actually thankful for the fact that McCoy had no one else to be the best man because Gaila would have then made me a bridesmaid alongside Uhura."

Pike glances down at Jim's outfit and a smirk forms on his lips.

Well, you _do _have the dress."

Kirk punches the older man in the arm, but there is no force behind it.

"It's not a dress, it's a robe. A very manly robe, so shut your gob... sir."

Pike starts laughing. Over the admiral's shoulder Jim spots Spock making his way over to them.

"Good evening, Admiral Pike."

Spock bows his head to his old captain. Pike smiles and returns the bow.

"Hello, Commander."

Spock then turns to face Jim and extends two fingers towards his bond-mate. Kirk grins and returns the gesture. The Vulcan twists around to return his focus towards the admiral, his fingers still caressing Jim's.

"Admiral Pike, I was wondering if you are finished speaking with Jim because I wish to as they say 'steal him away,' so that we may share a dance?"  
>|Pike chuckles and nods his head.<p>

"He's all yours, Mr Spock."

Spock bows his head and grabs Kirk's hand more securely and pulls him towards the dance floor. Jim can just make out Spock's whispered "I know he is" and his heart still swells at the fact that he belongs to Spock just as much as the Vulcan belongs to him.

They make their way through the dancing couples and onto the dance floor. Jim wraps his arms around Spock's neck, as the Vulcan's hands are placed on his slim hips. They sway in time with the music as they gaze at each other.

"It is hard to believe that we are six month into our mission. It feels like yesterday that I watched you walk into your classroom in that ridiculously sexy professor's uniform."

Kirk smiles in response to Spock's dilating pupils before continuing.

"Jesus, Spock! We just witnessed Bones and Gaila get married. They didn't even know each other when we first met and now they are fucking married. Where did the time go?"

Spock's eyebrow shoots out and a small teasing smile tugs threateningly at his lips.

"Time does indeed seem to be moving at an accelerated pace. We ourselves have been Vulcan bonded and Federation married for a little over two years now."

Kirk groans at this reminder.

"God, I'm getting old, Hurry! Check if I have any grey hairs."

Spock lifts a hand from Jim's hip to brush it through his bond-mate's hair. Kirk's eyelids slide close at the caress. However, his eyes snap open a moment later when he feels a sting at his scalp. He is shocked to find a short silver hair held between Spock's pointer finger and thumb.

"I have found one."

A disbelieving expression crosses Kirk's face as he stares at his husband, who is looking utterly too innocent for his own good.

"Okaaay... but why did you pull it out?"

They halt their dancing for a few seconds as one song ends and then begin again when a new song starts. Spock lets the hair fall form his grasp and his hand returns to Jim's hip.

"You cannot very well see if it is still on your head and you would not have believed me if I had simply informed you of it."

Jim throws head back and laughs, uncaring of the eyes that are focused on him and Spock. When his laughter subsides, Kirk rests his cheek against Spock's warmer one and watches the couples dance around them.

Uhura is leading Scotty around the floor in what looks to be some kind of waltz. Jim is impressed that the Scot is actually holding his own. He knows first hand that Monty is not the most graceful man in the Federation. Every so often the glistening of Uhura's engagement ring catches the captain's eye and he chuckles inwardly (He still can't believe that Scotty used a piece of a blown out dilithium crystal as the stone on the ring and that Uhura was actually delighted with it. He had always seen her as more of a diamond girl). Love sure does look good on her.

Jim then spots Sulu and Chekov at the edge of the dancing crowd, participating in what can only be called the most ridiculous dance off in the history of forever. Sulu is doing 'the swimmer' for God's sake! Both men are facing each other, laughing, when suddenly his supposedly innocent Pavel leaps towards the still chuckling pilot and pulls him into a not-so-innocent kiss. Kirk averts his gaze to give them some privacy, but mentally begins planning when he is going to have the 'you hurt him and I'll kill you' talk with Sulu.

What he sees next melts his heart. McCoy and Gaila are standing in the middle of the dance floor. Not dancing, just standing. Bones is caressing Gaila's cheeks with both hands, while he peppers her entire face with butterfly kisses. The Orion's eyes are closed and she has the sweetest smile on her face (one he has never seen directed at anyone other than Bones). Her hands are playing with the hair at the back of her husband's neck and she is mouthing what Kirk is positive is "I love you."

Jim's observations are interrupted when he feels warm lips press against his neck. He leans back to gaze at the man who has made his life complete. Spock's eyes glisten with what can only be described as pure love.

"T'hy'la, you are content."

Jim knows that it is not a question, but as his eyes scan over his thriving crew that are currently housed within his beautiful ship and then settle again on Spock, he can't help but answer.

"Yeah, I really am."

He nestles closer in Spock's arms as they sway to the music.

'_I'll be even more content when you peel me out of this dress and make love to me, ashaya.'_

'_I will peel you out of all of your clothes and make love to you every day for the rest of our lives.'_

Jim smiles and takes one last whirl around the dance floor, knowing that he'll never be alone again.

/

**I won't be writing anything else for a while... at least until I get my study load under control, but I do have some stories that I have started and will eventually finish. More academy fics!**

**I have also made myself a deal. If I get 250 reviews for this story on this account then I will write a sequel to this story. *cough* mpreg *cough***


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